Saturday, January 9, 2010

I Saw It Coming

I saw it coming and I knew that I had to do something to avoid it. He was a white guy about 60 years old, balding on top but with a long white ponytail hanging down the back. He was wearing a ski anorak, with sweatpants and black flipflops on top of his two tone blue socks. What came to mind when I saw him was a professor at a liberal arts college. I don't know why that popped in my head, but he looked like on of those aging hippies that now live in an exclusive neighborhood, and smokes a pipe in his old beat up Saab station wagon with ironic bumper stickers. You know those corny ones that say "Honk if you are against noise pollution." Okay, maybe that wasn't an impression. I did see a car like that in the parking lot, that probably belonged to him. But I digress.

I was in line at Subway trying to get my $5 footlong tuna sub, and he was in front of me. He kept looking back in my direction. I sensed that he was trying to engage me, but I would have none of that. I turned my back to him and stared at the snow that was accumulated in the parking lot. People always try to talk to me, and with the unusual weather in our area, that was the perfect opening for him. I was all about denying that opening. He moved forward as one South Asian clerk behind the partition loaded his veggies on his sub, and another one took my order. I was safe. No conversations for me! Or so I thought...

I was no longer looking out the window, I was watching the clerk scoop out the tuna onto my italian herbs and cheese bread when I saw him walk towards me. I saw that look in his eyes, so I did the only thing I could do. I grabbed my phone out of my pocket and said Hello. No, there was no one on the phone, but that was the only way I could stop him from talking to me. He went back toward the register as I had a a fake conversation with myself. "Yeah, I'm at subway.. uh huh, yeah" The professor went to the register and handed the cashier his money, while I told the other guy what I wanted on my sandwich. I escaped without incident again... Or so I thought.

The cashier was having problems with the register, so she had to wait for the guy that was helping me to finish. Which meant that professor was still standing there, fidgeting and dying to talk to me. Why did I end my fake conversation? Could I really pull the fake phone call twice in a short period? Probably not, so I just looked  down to avoid eye contact. Did.nt work! He pounced like a lion on a wounded antelope.

"Sure is cold, isn't it?... I moved to Atlanta to get away from the snow... This is nothing compared to Michigan... People can't drive in the snow down here..."

All in a matter of like 2 minutes. With no responses from me other than nodding my head. I saw it coming, but I still couldn't stop it.


Jameil said...

hahahahahahaha. I would get with a guy who has one of those faces!! BOLLOCKS!! BOTH of my parents are constantly chatted up by strangers but I think they like it... because they respond and engage. And let's be real, sometimes my dad is THAT GUY. The one starting the conversation... sigh.

Trish said...

I have one of those faces too. I have no idea why! I try to look mad to keep away the conversations but it doesn't seem to help!

Adei von K said...

HAHAHAHAHA!!! OMG, you felt it but couldn't avoid it!!!! OMG, the fake phone call is tooooooo funny!!! what would've funnier is if it started to ring!!!! hahahahahahahahaha!

I was just telling Jameil how I hate that question: "Cold enough for you?"

sir, don't ask me that stupid question to try and make conversation.

Nexgrl said...

1st off, how do you know he doesn't drive one of those old Volvo station wagons?

I get those people also. I'm constantly saying, "Do you have a reference question?"