Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Rashan vs. Rashad

There’s a guy at work with a name similar to mine. Same amount of letters in the first name. Same amount of letters in the last name. First name starts with R.. Last name starts with W. My name is Rashan. His name is Rashad. See what I’m saying? People get us mixed up all the time. I can’t tell you how many misdirected emails both of us have received. It used to bother me because other than the name, we were nothing alike. We don’t look alike, act alike, talk alike. Nothing other than the name is even close. But then I remembered that there’s no sense in worrying about things that I can’t change.

I’ve known him for a couple of years. We even were in the same training classes as mentors a few times. I didn’t dislike him, but he wasn’t exactly my favorite person. I liked to laugh and joke, and he was more the strictly business type. That’s cool, to each his own. We were cordial to each other, but neither one of us would call the other a friend. Then a couple of weeks ago, I realized that we were more alike than I previously thought. He sits a row over from me and I saw his computer one day. He was watching “24” on the internet. I was like I watch that. Then the next day he was listening to some old school hip hop. EPMD, if I recall. I was like, I like old school hip hop. Yesterday, I heard him talking about the series finale of LOST. Everybody knows that’s my show. Then today, actually, right now as I’m typing this, he’s listening to Foreign Exchange. Word? I don’t know too many people that listen to that (in real life, not on the internet.) This dude is like a entertainment doppelganger. You know, a less handsome and charming doppelganger, but a doppelganger nonetheless.

If you are waiting for some profundity in this post, there is none. Just something I found strange.

Monday, May 24, 2010

Monday Mindspacing

I wish people on the internet didn’t discover this symbol >. Now everything is >>> than the other thing. Like we need another way for people to express their opinions online.

Likewise goes for the word: epic… It’s overused. Not everything is epic. Some things are just great. Or good. Or mediocre. Especially when used in conjunction with the word fail. Going to late work is not an epic fail. Shooting up the joint IS an epic fail. See the difference?

Man, I watched the series finale of LOST last night and it was epic!!! Tonight I’m going to watch the series finale of 24. I expect it to be good. See what I did there. LOST>>>24, therefore one is epic, the other is not. (I crack myself up, btw)

I don’t like when I take the time to write a long elaborate email and I get a canned response. Don’t thank me for my feedback, answer my questions. I know all about blowing people off, and that’s what you just did to me with your non response. Meanwhile the issues will continue, because you chose not to respond to my well thought out emails. I did all the work for you, all you have to do is forward the email.

Is a manager really supposed to be talking so freely about other employees personal information. I’ll answer that question. No, you are not. I’ve been a manager, and I also know how to read the employee handbook. You are dead wrong for that. It’s none of my business what someone else does on their off time. I need to record this, because I’m sure nobody in charge would ever believe what I say about it. They don’t even respond appropriately to my emails.

I’ve been having the most vivid dreams again lately. I don’t know why sometimes I do, and sometimes I don’t. They are awesome. They feel like real life and so far there hasn’t been any nightmares, so I say keep them coming. One dream I had was of me and my homeboys having fun in DC (pre drug addiction.) It was really fun to hang out with them again, even if it was in my sleep.

Jameil hates telling people I have no friends. I offered a solution. Stop telling people I have no friends. I, on the other hand, love telling people I have no friends. I find it cuts short any aspirations for people to try to involve me in their lives.

I’m really convinced some people just talk to hear themselves talk. For real, nobody is even listening to you. Can you please learn to pick up on the non verbal cues? Heads down, shuffling feet, looking around all point to the possibility that we aren’t trying to hear all that. Stop making it uncomfortable for all involved and stop telling that story about your hospital visit.

I work with a lot of big people. I’m not talking regular big people. Or even really big big people. I’m talking about Walter Hudson, should have their own show on TLC, can’t hardly walk people. It’s strange. I never noticed them until recently, but it looks like Duke University hospital down there. Maybe I haven’t seen them because I work on the 2nd floor and they are all on the first.

I’ve never been one to be all private on the internet. I understand the reasons, but it’s just not me. For me, I learned early on (when I used someone’s real name and they found my blog) that if I don’t want people to hold my words against me, then I should be careful about what I write. It’s like self censorship. I just don’t call people by name anymore. I don’t say the name of the company I work for. As far as my personal life, if it’s that much of a secret, then I won’t tell anyone. I’m pretty open, but let’s be real… I ain’t telling you everything.

Is that guy in Jamaica’s real last name “Coke?” If so, Best…Drug…Dealer…Name…Ever. It’s epic. Totally >>> Tony Montana. LOL

Thursday, May 20, 2010

Thursday Thirteen: 13 Odd, Funny or Inappropriate Facebook Statuses I've Recently Seen

All misspellings are those of the respective Facebook posters.

1. When I'm in love the neighbors definitely know my name & when its REAL LOVE.. the neighbors will know OUR LAST NAME.. cuz its on the mailbox BOW BOW

2. My mother requested me as a friend on fb! I told her I can't except! And my status was at that time "I like it on the dinning room table"! Lol I need to hide my status only my friends need to see!

3. I wonder just how many of my 400+ fb friends actually see & pay attention to my posts : (

4.Wow! This chicks pants are so tight it looks like she has a penus! Hmmm....i know she noticed that before she left the house today! =) LMAO

5. Would it be wrong to take my 4 year old with me to get a drink.... ha ha ha... Lord knows I need one! What a day!!

6. Just sneezed inside my my cleavage is wet. Thinking "ummm maybe that wasn't a good idea"

7. OMG Somebody wants me to BLACK THE HELL OUT today!!!!!! These Customer Service Reps better be glad I can't come through the phone on them because THIS "CHICK" would really have me all up in her Mouth Piece. I swear I don't know where the days of Customer SERVICE went....and it's not due to the Recession.

8. my Pimp Game is slippin' I just told 2 different dudes to come to the SAME place I'm gonna be tonight SMH.

9. just saw a Tyra Banks clip on an HDTV so clear, I could actually see the unprofessionalism on set...

10. I made a mistake, and I apologize. To whom it may concern. Im just sayin.

11.Why do they advertise on the bottom of urinals? I'm just sayin

12. Ummm so are colored contacts played out cause I really like Jen's (Basketball Wives)) annnd I think I want some lol !!!! Are hers gray??

13. Ok so I'm in the car with my homeboy and he says "ugh that ni**ah painted his car Gonorrhea Green" Ummm I aint never had it but I'm almost positive it's not green ... Is It??

Wednesday, May 19, 2010


I’ve mastered the art of avoidance. I don’t think it’s such a bad thing. You may disagree, but I don’t really care. It works for me. It’s just less stressful that way. For example, if I see a number on my phone I don’t want to talk to, I just avoid the call. Why answer it if I know I don’t want to talk to them? I take it a step further by not listening to the message either. I figure if it’s important enough, they’ll call back or send me a text or just hit me up on Facebook. I know I’m not the only one that does that. I’ve seen way too many people talking about how they only check their voice mail to get rid of the icon at the top of the page. There’s even a Facebook page dedicated to that. Luckily these days, I’ve avoided people so adeptly that they don’t even call me that much anymore.

I do the same thing with email. Some emails I just don’t want to read. Case in point, I keep getting emailed by this girl I went to college with. I’ve written about her crazy tail before, and she just won’t stop emailing me. I mean, do you get the point that I’m not going to respond to you? I could just read the email to see what craziness she’s talking about now, but I choose not to. Instead, I just let Jameil read it. She’s nosy like that. LOL In reality, I’m the nosy one, but I’m not the least bit curious about what she has to say to me. After 3 emails browbeating me for not calling her back, I get the point. It’s easier to just avoid it. I’ll leave the email in my inbox just in case I one day lose my mind and decide to read it, or one day get kidnapped and need proof that old girl is nuts, but there’s nothing in that email that’s going to benefit me. I’ll just avoid her.

Stupid conversations is another thing I avoid… most of the time. I realize that people are stupid and are going to say stupid things. And they try to suck me into it. For the most part, I can sidestep it with a disinterested look, or by just leaving. Here’s the thing. I’m never going to convince them, and they sure aren’t going to convince me. Let’s just agree to disagree, or better yet, not talk at all. Sounds like a plan to me.

Avoidance is not just something to do, it’s a way of life. Why go back and forth with people when you can just not talk to them? Why try to reason with crazy, when you can just pretend like it doesn’t exist. Why try to change an opinion, when you know it’s not going to happen? Like I said, it works for me. Feel free to keep beating your head up against a wall if you so choose. LOL

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Tito's Gift Basket

Thank Facebook for my posting 2 days in a row. I saw this cat I went to high school with under my friends suggestions. Let’s call him “Tito.”

I met Tito back in 89. He was an incoming freshman, while I was a sophomore. We were in chorus together. He was a super talented singer and pianist, having played in the church for years. He was somewhat of a prodigy. The hater in me wanted to diss him because he was coming in all new and stealing my shine, but the realist in me knew I was never destined for stardom in the music realm. Singing was just something I did because I enjoyed it and it got me out of school on field trips. So, I decided that I would take him under my wing and teach him the ropes. There was only one problem… Tito had a major hygiene problem.

You know how when boys become teenagers, they start to develop smells that they didn’t have before. Most of us learn how to wash, and brush teeth, and use deodorant. Tito was not one of those. Me and my chorus homeboys were repulsed by his general dirtiness and offending smell. But since he was representing us, we had to do something. We tried a couple tactics. First, we would just offer gum when we had it, or some cologne (which I know now would have just exacerbated the situation)or some spray deodorant after a particularly grueling chorus dance rehearsal. Tito would never take anything that might possibly lead to smelling better. Then we tried to handle it in a joking manner. You know one of those truth hiding in a joke things. Like “Tito, you smell so bad, you got those brown wavy cartoon lines following you.” He would laugh, but not take it seriously. Finally, we came Mano-a-Mano and just told him straight up. “Tito, you smell bad. We are being serious. You need to work on your hygiene.” It worked for like a day, but then he was back to his old pigpen ways. Me and the boys were just at a loss.

I came up with an idea. I was joking at first, but it turned into something real. I suggested we get him a gift basket with a bunch of toiletries. You know, soap, toothpaste, antiperspirant, shampoo and hair grease (cuz his dandruff was kicking.) They took my idea and ran with it. One of the girls in our chorus class got the basket, and we went to Wal-Mart and hooked him up. I’m talking about brand names. Don’t ask where a bunch of broke high school kids got money for that because I don’t remember, but I do know “Tito” had everything he needed to stop smelling like hot booty, feet and rotting meat. We put it on top of his locker during chorus class (anonymously of course) and couldn’t wait to see what happened when he saw it.

When he saw it… he started crying. Not like whimpering, but straight up boo-hoo crying. Apparently he didn’t appreciate the gesture and thought we were making fun of him. I didn’t even think of that. I felt bad, but not bad enough to tell him it was my idea, so I just kept my mouth shut. I never tried to help “Tito” again. He smelled bad until his junior year when he finally got a girlfriend. She was able to do what we couldn’t. I can only hope that he hasn’t reverted to his old school stinky self although his profile pic looks a little dingy. LOL. And no, I’m not going to be his Facebook friend..

Monday, May 17, 2010

The Wandering I

My name is Rashan Jamal, and I have a problem. I like to wander. If I go into a store, I will look around aimlessly for long periods of time. Doesn't matter if I have somewhere to be. If I go in, I'm going to wander. Like Friday for instance...

So, I'm on my way to Jameil's after a long day at work. I stop right before the Florida state line to get gas because it's always at least 20 cents cheaper in Georgia than in Florida. I was thirsty, so I go in to get something to drink. Big mistake. Instead of just going to the bottled water aisle and then to register, something told me it would be a good idea to look around. Oooh, look at these interesting dvd players for the car... I don't need that. I wonder if they sell NuGrape, I haven't seen that in years. Nope, just Fanta. How much is the popcorn? Never mind I don't want popcorn, maybe some chips. Nah, I ain't paying 2.59 for some Pringles. Oh wow, look at that dude. Why does he have a perm? And why is that chick dressed like a... Wait, is this dude a pimp? Is he truck stop pimpin? I better update Facebook about this. What did I come in here for? I ended up getting bottled water like I planned from the get go. I can waste some time in the store.

Same night. I got to Gainesville at about 4 AM. I stopped at the 24 hour Walgreens to get some toothpaste. Yes, I could have used Jameil's toothpaste, but I'm gonna need some at home too, right? Sounds like a good reason to go to a store. But where is the Listerine toothpaste? Maybe I just overlooked it. I better look up and down this aisle 6 times before getting another brand. Oh, and since I'm here, I should pick up a Sudoku book for Jameil. Which one though? She only wants the hard puzzles. I can't find that. Let me keep looking. Oh and some gum. But what kind? Oh this is on sale, but it's only 9 pieces as opposed to the Orbit that is 14. Which is a better deal? Oh yeah, I should get out of here, so Jameil can let me in and go to sleep. More time wasting.

This happens all the time. You can't leave me to my own devices, or I shall wander around the store. That's how I wind up going to Kroger for 3 things, and end up with my basket to heavy to carry. At least I don't buy unnecessary stuff. It's just things I forgot I needed until I saw them whilst meandering. Maybe I was an explorer in the past life. Yeah, that sounds better than just being an absent minded wanderer. LOL

Monday, May 3, 2010

Monday Mindspacing

Y’all kill me with the renaming of departments all the time. Just pick one and stick with it. There’s no need for you to rebrand everything by taking out or adding one word every 3 months.

I’ve only seen 1 ½ episodes of The Boondocks, and unlike every other Black person in the world, I wasn’t impressed. Sorry if that makes you want to pull my Black card.

Jameil’s film was AWESOME!!! The experience of seeing her film for the first time on a big screen was amazing. I’m so proud of her.

Jameil’s graduation, and everybody else’s graduation was ridiculously boring. I don’t want to sit through another graduation until my kid gets his diploma. My sister is getting her Masters this weekend. I hope to all that is holy that she decides not to walk.

I don’t know if you know this or not, but it is NOT a good idea to run across I 75 wearing dark clothing late at night to retrieve anything, even if it’s your bumper. I don’t know how it happened, but it’s not going to help you to have that if you are dead.

I’m not the most social person in the world, but when I was down in Florida for the last 5 days, I was trying. I was making an effort to not be a stick in the mud. I think I did a good job talking to all Jameil’s friends and family. The only exception was with Jameil’s father. I don’t think I even told her this, so my bad, but it was hard trying to come up with stuff to talk to him about. I sat next to him at breakfast and said like 4 words “Thanks for breakfast, sir.” LOL

YO!!! It was dumb hot in Florida this weekend. I’m talking about heat indexes of over 100… in May. I’m so glad I won’t have to go down there in July or August. The redeeming quality of the heat was that I got a little tan and I like the way it looks. It’s like my true dark skinned nature is coming through.

I did a good job of not thinking about work while I was gone. I don’t usually think about it when I’m not there, but I’ve been stressed over the last month. Actually, mad is probably a better word and I don’t get mad. I’ve been dreading coming to this place. It seems like every day is another battle that I have to fight on my, and the rest of my teammates behalf.

The weirdest thing about Facebook is that people I work with ask me about stuff I say in real life. They don’t say anything online, but will save up their questions and ask about it in real life. It’s strange to me. I don’t remember what I was talking about 5 days ago, you weirdo!

I need somewhere to hang out on Cinco De Mayo. Preferably somewhere where I can make it home without getting on the highway. Oh, and while on the subject, I need a designated driver who likes Mexican food, and won’t mind if I drink a pitcher of margaritas by myself.

I need to start blogging again. It’s just so easy to NOT blog.