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Thursday, December 31, 2009

Thursday Thirteen: Things I Want To Do In 2010

These aren't resolutions, just things I want to do for the New Year. What's the difference? I don't know that there is one. I just don't like the idea of New Years Resolutions.

1. Travel out of the country - Step one - get a passport, step two - convince someone to buy me a ticket

2. Start sleeping like a normal person.- for instance, right now while I'm typing this, its 5:37 and I'm not close to being sleepy.

3. Get a job that lets me use my brain - self explanatory. I'm too smart for what I do. I sometimes get scared that I'm like my father. He was brilliant, but never could parlay that into a career. Maybe it was the drugs, but it still concerns me if I'm being real.

4. Find out about my father's birth parents - He was adopted and I know nothing about his birth parents. In fact the only thing I know is the legend of how he was adopted. Apparently my grandmother was a nurse, and just brought him home one day. Things were different back in 1948. I don't know how I'm going to do this since he's dead, and my grandparents are dead, and I don't know any of the family that are still living, but I should at least try.

5. Relearn French, and/or learn Spanish - I can recognize some French, but when I speak it I sound like un idiot. And since the whole country is going Spanish, I want to be able to communicate with my Hispanic brothers and sisters.

6. Conquer my addiction(s) - I'm not going to tell you what they are. If you know me, you already know. If not, I don't want to get lectured by you too. That is counter productive.

7. Go to a dope concert - I can't believe I didn't go to one show in 2009. As much as I love music, I've got to fix that.

8. Attend at least a game each of the big 3 sports. Football, basketball, baseball. - We got the Falcons, the Hawks and the Braves in town. I think I can manage to do at least 2 of the 3.

9. Get back to writing. Either finish some of the old stuff, or crank out something new. - It's crazy that I have movies in my head that don't translate when I try to write them. I want to apply myself this year.

10. Spend some quality time with the nephews and nieces. - Maybe I'll take them to a game. Knock out two goals with one stone.

11. Do something, anything unexpected. - Stepping out my comfort zone would be a plus. I want to do something that makes you say "DAMN!! I can't believe Rah did that." I don't know what it would be. Maybe something as simple as taking a dance class or something crazy like bungee jumping. Yeah, probably wont be bungee jumping.

12. Get Jameil a gift that is not practical at all, but that she will love. - I'm not a good gift giver. I know that. Jameil makes it easy for me by telling me what she wants. Or if she needs something, I'm there. I want to get her something that she would never ask for, or get for herself. Hmmm... I'm drawing a blank, but I have 365 days to think of something.

13. _ _ _  _ _ _ _ _ _ _ -  I can't tell you this one because you bloggers don't know how to act. Mind your business, nosy!!! LOL

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

We Be Clubbin'

Saturday night in Charlotte, I went out with Jameil, her cousin and her husband. It was his birthday, so we went out to dinner at this spot called Mez. It was cool. Good food, good conversation and afterwards, he wanted to hit up a club. I didn't know we were going to do that, but I was down. We headed to this spot called Tempo.

Let me get this straight. Your club is housed in what looks like an Elks lodge/renovated barn. Your parking lot is a mixture of mud and gravel.  You have a lady selling homemade incense in the hallway. You got an large man in a bright red jacket spinning around looking like the Kool-Aid Man. Your music is not playing loud enough that I have to talk above my normal voice to be heard. Ain't nobody dancing. There are women with gold everything outfits. There are men with Coogi shirts on. I can smell the desperation in the air, or maybe that's the Black Love incense that's burning all night long. Bad weaves and age inappropriate clothes are the norm. There are middle aged men leering at 20 something females and desperate looking 20 something females showing all their cleavage to these same middle aged men.

And you didn't want to let me in because I didn't have on the right shoes? Like I said, I didn't know I was going to a grown and sexy club, otherwise I would have broke out the hard bottoms. But for real, it wasn't that serious. I was still easily in the top ten percentile of dopeness in my pink shirt, jeans and casual shoes. I got in on the strength of the cousin's husband knowing everybody, but I just found it funny that I was getting turned away in light of all of the mess that was going on inside that place. Probably would have been for the best, cuz that wack club was not for me.  

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Whatever Happened To...

This post is what happens when I can't sleep, and my mind starts to drift. Some of these "Whatver happeneds" are things that only I would think of. I made a conscious effort not to sound like an old curmudgeon, so you'll notice no "whatever happened to good music like we had back in my day" ones. Feel free to add your own in the comments.

Whatever happened to Claudette Ortiz?. You remember the singer from City High. They had that song "What Would You Do?" She was supposed to be the next hot "singer" but I ain't seen or heard from her in years.

Whatever happened to virtual reality? That was supposed to be the big thing. You put on the headset and be transported to a digital world where anything could happen. But I ain't heard nothing about that recently.

Whatever happened to D'Angelo. Is it really possible that this dude that makes such good music only has two studio albums in 15 years. Every now and then you hear about how he's in the studio, or on coke or something, but where is the music?

Whatever happened to John Singleton. His last movie was Four Brothers in 2005. He used to make some good movies (and yes, Jameil I am including "Baby Boy." That joint was dope.) For that matter, whatever happened to Spike Lee's fiction movies. I know he makes docs now, but he hasn't made a real good fiction movie in awhile (with the exception of Inside Man.)

Whatever happened to Elian Gonzalez? I know they sent him back to Cuba, but is he back now? Did he come over on a raft and start pitching for the Yankees? That was a ridiculously big story back in the day.

Whatever happened to TV theme songs? They used to be 30 seconds to a minute, now its like 8 seconds and then the show starts. And its not like the shows are getting longer so they needed to cut out theme music.

Whatever happened to SARS? We don't worry about that no mo'? It's all H1N1 and the rest of the pandemics can go to hell? That ain't killing anymore?

Whatever happened to acid rain? When I was a kid, that's all you ever heard about. Acid rain was going to kill us all or mess up our cars or something. I don't exactly remember. I was a kid. Give me a break. I ain't heard nothing about that in forever. I guess that's been replaced by global warming. Speaking of global warming, whatever happened to El Nino. They used to talk about that all the time too.

Whatever happened to the WNBA? Do they still play? I know they do, because they were constantly giving away tickets to the Atlanta Dream games last year. But does anybody watch anymore? Did anybody ever watch?

Whatever happened to Dominique Dawes? She was hot. And speaking of younger days crushes, whatever happened to Lark Voorhies? You know Lisa from Saved By The Bell?  Where she at?

Whatever happened to Black Enterprise magazine? Do they still publish that?

Whatever happened to Black Rob, G-Dep, Loon, Faith, Craig Mack, 112, Shyne and all the other artists on Bad Boy not named Biggie or Diddy? I blame Puffy.

Whatever happened to R&B singers that didn't want to act like rappers. Ever since Jodeci came out with their hip hop style, R&B just stopped dressing alike and dancing around and stuff. I blame Puffy.

Whatever happened to Dylan, Ness, Babs and the rest of the Making The Band cats. Walking to Harlem for some cheesecake didn't make them no hits. I blame Puffy.

Whatever happened to my 40 acres and a mule? Can I get a conference with Barack to see if we can get that back on track. I'm just saying. I blame Puffy. LOL

Monday, December 28, 2009

What Would You Do?

Say there was a woman that you worked for a couple years. One that you didn’t particularly care for because of her overbearing, suck up attitude, yet at the same time, really really dumb demeanor. Then say that she used to flirt a lot with a dude you knew at the job, like touching and skulking in corners during lunch. Then next thing you know, he gets fired and the word on the street is that said woman filed a case against said dude when their quasi relationship (read: hit and run) went south. Then about a year later, she starts dating this other dude at the office and then when things went south with them, she allegedly was spreading rumors about his… Then fast forward to this week. She is flirting with another dude that you kinda know, but don’t really care about one way or the other. You know him enough to speak when you pass in the hallway, but not enough to have a conversation with. Would you tell him of the impending danger or would you just let him find out himself? In fact, you don’t know if it is anything other than flirting, so your warning may not be necessary. But just in case, do you think you should say something? What would you do?

BTW – This is not my dilemma. I don’t get involved in other people’s mess, I just blog about it. Somebody at the job asked me for my sage advice, to which I told her to mind her business and stay out of it.

Sunday, December 27, 2009

New Year's Meme

1. Was 2009 a good year for you? It was up and down, but for the most part it was good.


2. What was your favorite moment of the year? Thanksgiving was cool.



3. What was your least favorite moment of the year? Getting robbed at gunpoint kinda sucked.


4. Where were you when 2009 began? At a club called Artistry with Jameil and Stace. Watching girls fight and listening to "Shoulder Lean" umpteen times.


5. Who were you with? Oops, I already answered.. Jameil and Adei Von K



6. Where will you be when 2009 ends? Not sure yet. I don't get off work til 10, so I have no idea where I'm gonna be.


7. Who will you be with when 2009 ends? Jameil, of course.


8. Did you keep your New Year's Resolutions of 2009? I didn't make one



9. Do you have (a) New Year's Resolution(s) for 2010? Yep, but i'll keep it to myself in case I screw it up.


10. Did you fall in love in 2009? No.I already was in love.


11. If yes, with who?  Jameil


12. If yes, do they know? Sure she does


13. Are you still in love with them? Of course. This line of questioning is getting annoying


14. You regret it? Not at all, still annoying with the questions


15. Did you break up with anyone in 2009?  No, we are still going strong.


16. Did you make any new friends in 2009? Nope, I went 2009 totally friendless, and I'm quite all right with that


17. Who are your favorite new friends? Did you just see that I don't have any?


18. What was your favorite month of 2009? November is the best month. I also liked July when I was with Jameil for long periods of time


19. Did you travel outside of your country of residence in 2009? Nope, need to fix that


20. How many different states / provinces did you travel to in 2009? Georgia, Florida, North Carolina. I guess I drove through South Carolina if that counts.



21. Did you lose anybody close to you in 2009? No, I wasn't close with my mom's husband, but I was sad that he died.



22. Did you miss anybody in the past year? Yes,



23. What was your favorite movie that you saw in 2009? I can't call it. I've seen a ton of movies on DVD and Netflix this year. I guess "The Hangover" was the best I saw in the theater.



24. What was your favorite song from 2009? Impossible to say. I think the one that is stuck in my head right now is "Do Over" by Ghostface and Raheem DeVaughan, but I wouldn't say its my favorite of the year. .


25. What was your favorite record from 2009? It's a toss up between Raekwon's Only Built For Cuban Linx II and Masta Ace and Edo G's "Arts and Entertainment."



26. How many concerts did you see in 2009?  Is it possible I haven't seen 1?



27. Did you have a favorite concert in 2009?see 26



28. Did you drink a lot of alcohol in 2009? Yeah, I did. More the first 7 months, but not as much after



29. Did you do a lot of drugs in 2009?Nope, just sleeping pills. Nothing illegal.



30. How many people did you sleep with in 2009? WTF? Do people actually answer that?



31. Did you do anything you are ashamed of this year? Sure, but I'm too ashamed to tell you. (the real answer is no)


32. Why are these quizzes always missing a number?? I made that question up since it was missing.



33. What was the worst lie someone told you in 2009? "Your performance goals will not change in 2009. We are committed to associate satisfaction."


34. Did you treat somebody badly in 2009? I probably hurt people's feelings, but I wouldn't say I treated them badly.


35. Did somebody treat you badly in 2009? Nah, part of not dealing with people is that they can't treat you badly..


36. How much money did you spend in 2009? More than I wanted to, but less than I made.



37. What was your proudest moment of 2009? I'm just proud that I'm happy, healthy, and able to keep my sense of humor when bad stuff happens around me. I know it's not a moment, but I'm still proud.



38. What was your most embarrassing moment of 2009? I don't really get embarrassed easily. They would all be minor embarrassing moments that I would then come home and blog about. 


39. If you could go back in time to any moment of 2009 and change something, what would it be? Stop my mom's husband from dying.



40. What are your plans for 2010? I'll tell you this one in a few weeks.

Saturday, December 26, 2009

Kwanzaa

You may want to take away my black card for this one. Here goes: I don’t really care about Kwanzaa. There, I said it. Go ahead and jeer me and call me a sellout. Now, let me explain why. I used to participate peripherally, but haven’t for some time. Here’s my problem with it. It’s not a religious holiday. I can’t put it in the same category as Christmas or Hannukah because it’s not based on a faith. While I know, the practices surrounding the more traditional religions are not necessarily religious, the holiday itself is. Say what you will about Santa usurping Jesus, but there would be no Christmas without him. From what I can tell, Kwanzaa was created in 1966. I don’t know the details, and perhaps I should study them, but I can’t revere it as a holiday. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a wonderful concept, but I’m not completely sold.

That being said, if you want to get your Umoja, kujichagulia, ujima, ujamaa, nia, kuumba, and imani on, more power to you. I just can’t bring myself to be fully invested.

Friday, December 25, 2009

Merry Christmas

By the time you read this, I should be in Charlotte with Jameil and her family. I’ll be meeting her sister for the first time and apparently hundreds of cousins too. I hope everyone is having a wonderful day with their families and that you got everything you wanted. If not, then get it yourself, you cheap freeloaders. LOL I’m kidding. Again, Merry Christmas.

Thursday, December 24, 2009

I Changed My Mind

I changed my mind… I want to go home. I had the opportunity to go home early without pay, and I turned it down. I thought I would rather have the money. Besides its Christmas Eve and there’ll be nothing to do. I can just sit here and surf the web all night. And it’ll be quiet. Everybody else is either working early, or leaving early. I’ll have the place to myself. No conversations, no singing, no playing bad music. I can sit here and do nothing. It’s not like I got plans tonight anyway….

Then I got here. And I want to leave. I can’t take 10 hours of sitting around with no facebook, nobody writing on their blogs today, and no work. I can only read about sports for so long before I get bored with that. Please somebody let me go home early. I know I’m about a week late, but I still want to go. Help a brother out!

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Where Electronics Come To Die

My crib is like a hospice for electronics. I have all kinds of electronic devices that either work, but I don't use, barely work, or altogether have breathed their last breath. I have a 27 inch tv that broke about 2 years ago, that I've been too lazy to bring down to the dumpster. I have the world's oldest DVD/VCR combo in my bedroom, two or three old broken cell phones, a few old cable boxes and remotes, not to mention tons of cable wires, surge protectors and AC adapters that I have no idea what they go to on my screened porch.  I have 3 working TVs right now, but I'm only using 2. The third one, I got from my mom after she upgraded. This was back in October.

Today, I plugged it in for the first time. It worked, but I couldn't find the remote for a couple of hours. I decided to nigga rig it with my universal cable box remote, but I couldn't turn on the closed captioning. That to me is necessary. I can't watch TV without it, so what ensued next was a manic retracing of my steps two and a half months ago. Did I leave it in my car? Nope, not there. Maybe I left it in the dining room with the rest of my junk that i don't use. Tore that room apart, and it wasn't there. Okay, now I remember. I came home that day and changed my clothes right away. Perhaps it's in my bedroom. Not there either. Where could it be? On a whim, I decided to look on the love seat that nobody sits on unless I have more than 5 people in my crib, which never happens. There it was stuffed in the cushions. I was able to set up my closed caption, get that annoying green 3 that was stuck at the top of the screen and I'm back in business.

Now to set up the Wii. I already told you that Moms gave me the Wii with no controller, so I haven't really been in a rush to set it up. Well, thanks to Jameil I have one now. Just have to get a game now and I'm in business. And I should probably throw away that old TV that's taking up space. Nah, that's doing too much for one night. But one day, I should probably spring clean all of these dead and dying electronics. Feel free to make fun of me in the comments. I'm fully aware that I just made my crib sound like Fred and Lamont Sanford live here.

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Ten Thoughts For Tuesday

I’m old school like Prince Da’jour – when he was hosting rap city with finger waves on…. (Little Brother “Nighttime Maneuvers” 2003) However, even I don’t want to hear “Rock The Bells” everyday…at work!! Can you switch it up a little bit? Do you only have one CD? Have you heard of Pandora? Every other manager at the job uses it…
It always trips me out when grown people can’t read. It’s one thing to be a little nervous or stumble over words, but to totally skip over words is strange. I was in a training where they made us read aloud, and this one guy skipped at least a word a minute. And not words like “and” or “the”, he skipped the words that gave the sentence its meaning. Crazy to me. And this one girl was trying to read the word “initiative” and stopped and said. “What is that word? What does that mean?”

Wedding shows get on my nerves as I stated previously. Here’s why. The same stories get told all the time. Either there is an out of control bride, or a self conscious bride that can’t find a dress, or an overbearing family. Enough already. I get it. Weddings are stressful, but most people in the world have one, so I need you to have a more compelling reason for me to watch. Everybody cooks, but they don’t have shows about regular people cooking. They have people that can actually do it well. So, if you are just having a regular wedding, with regular old stressors, why would I want to see that?

Some people are just not cut out to work with the public. Sure, I get annoyed with people. But it kind of defeats the purpose if they know it. And then they have the nerve to wonder why clients are arguing with them. Maybe it’s because you constantly interrupt, and talk to them like you are on a street corner. I’m just saying, you might want to check yourself before you try to check other people.

Pet Peeve: People who ask “How you doing?” and then keep talking. Why even bother to ask if you don’t wait for me to respond. I promise I’m not going to say anything that would be considered TMI. Like I’m not going to tell you how my kidneys are shot or my dog got Mike Vick’d. I’ll just say I’m doing fine, then ask you how you are. It’s just the rules of conversation.
I need some Debarge on my iPod. I was watching “Unsung” on TV One the other day, and realized that they got hits I forgot about. It was also hilarious how them dudes used to be considered secks symbols. They look ultra feminine with their feathered hair and gold flair outfits. Jameil said, “oh they had women in the group?” I said “One, Bunny DeBarge.” She said she couldn’t tell about some of them dudes. LOL

Does anybody else remember a Jermaine Jackson song called “Escape From The Planet of the Ant Men?” I remember trying to find it on youtube a couple of years ago and being unsuccessful. I know it exists, I couldn’t have made that up. I had the vinyl when I was a kid. Speaking of Jermaine, he made some good music back in the day too. Too bad he’s only known for his crazy hair and crazy kid’s names now.

Do you think it would be frowned upon if I went to WalMart, opened up one of their scales and weighed myself? I’ve been doing some working out and I feel lighter, but I’m never going to buy a scale. Speaking of working out, talking about it makes me feel self conscious. I don’t know why. I just don’t like to discuss it with other people, including Jameil. She tries to give me advice and I just immediately want to run out of the room. She doesn’t understand, and neither do I. One of those “it is what it is” things. I think I’m allowed one or two quirks.

What I want for Christmas from you bloggers (Adei, Dani, and others) is to enable your blogger profile. If I click on your name and I get that message stating profile not available, it makes me forget to comment on your blog til I get home, and then sometimes I still forget. Or I have to find you through other people’s blog rolls, and that’s too much work. So, unless you just don’t want people reading your blog, can you do me that favor?

I’m hungry. I hope they have something good in the café today. One thing I refuse to do is eat from the bar. They have a meal of the day, (Mexican, Soul Food, Chinese) and it costs .41 an ounce. I’ve seen people get up to the register and have $15 bill for a little bit of food. You must be crazy. You can’t charge me for bone. That weighs too much, and is inedible. I’ll probably grab some fries and call it a day.

Monday, December 21, 2009

I Don't Wanna Share!!!

“What’s that?”
“Raisin Bran”
“Give me some…”

“What’s that?”
“Tea.”
“Hot tea?”
“Yeah…”
Hand extends….

“Let me taste that milkshake…”
Reluctant look on my face as I hand it over.
This is NOT a complaint. Let’s just get that out of the way now, before you all tell me how sharing is part of a relationship. I know this, man! I just found it funny. I can’t have nothing around Jameil without sharing. That’s a bit of a culture shock to someone that has lived alone for the better part of the last decade. I don’t know why I don’t just automatically just get 2 of everything. I mean, I have a man sized appetite, ummm errr greediness, so sharing just makes things unfulfilling. Who wants half a glass of orange juice? Sometimes I don’t to give her the cupcake and be left with all the frosting. Maybe I want to drink the entire bottle of wine. LOL That’s an exaggeration, but you get the point. Sharing is caring, so I always do. But I don’t have to like it!!

Sunday, December 20, 2009

Man Vs. Food

Jameil and I just got back from The Vortex, our go-to burger restaurant in Little 5 Points. Between the two of us, we've had just about every burger on the menu. One notable exception is the Elvis burger which, features peanut butter, bacon and fried bananas... Nope think I'm gonna pass on that. Anyway, today's burger was called "Hell Burger"

Sounds hot, right? It had habanero relish, pepper jack cheese and was topped with a roasted jalapeno pepper.  Delicious, if you ask me. I like it hot. I'm the type that'll try any hot sauce on the table, or the type that adds red pepper to just about everything I cook.Or the type that will eat pour jalapeno juice into my ground turkey when I'm making salsa burgers. Yep, I don't mind a little heat, in fact the more the merrier. I've had a burger called "El Diablo" that also claimed to be really hot, but it was nothing. I haven't really found much food that's too hot for me.

Except for tonight. I took a bite out my hell burger and felt the heat. But it was a good heat. The jack cheese and the habanero relish were delicious and spicy. Nothing too bad yet. I ate some fries and took a sip of my beer, then I went for another bite. This time, I got some of the jalapeno. Nothing... no heat. It was just a regular old delicious bite.Tried some more fries, then went to take another bite. Before I could get it my my mouth, I started to feel strange. My mouth was burning like crazy, my throat was burning, my eyes were watering. Okay, this thing might be a little hot. So I backed off for a minute. Drinking water didn't help, eating fries made it worse, beer was not a good idea. I actually got defeated by a spicy burger.

I had to bring the rest of the burger home, but without the roasted jalapeno. Although it pained me to admit it, that joint was too hot for me. Man vs. Food?  Food has won this round. But I'll be back!!!

Saturday, December 19, 2009

I Can't Think Right Now

I can't think of anything  to write about right now, but I still need to post since I committed to do so until 12/31. When I did that, it wasn't supposed to be a competition, just me pushing myself to do it. Well, my ultra competitive girlfriend, has made it into a contest, so I can't stop. Even though I can't focus right now, mainly because of the pitcher of margaritas we just drank, I'm still posting anyway. And if last week is any indication, no one will be reading anyway, except for Jameil. So, this could be considered a bs post, but I don't really care. No one said they all had to be winners. 

Oh, I do have something to talk about. Wedding shows. They get on my nerves. Okay that's it. I'll have something better to write about tomorrow hopefully.

Friday, December 18, 2009

Dear Creepy Security Guard

Dear Creepy Security Guard,

I just want you to know that this conversation is creeping me out. I don’t really want to discuss the ladies with you. Especially not the ladies of color. You see, you remind me right now of an overseer, leering after the workers on the plantation. That look on your face right now is making me want to slap you out of your black girl fantasy. I’m just saying, what makes you think that it’s okay to come up to a complete stranger and talk about women’s anatomy. Especially when you are a good 20 years older than me and you have a Dale Earnhardt (SR, not JR.) mustache. I don’t know for a fact, but you look like you use Skoal, and have a rebel flag on the back of your Ford F 250. And a gun rack. Yeah, you look like you got rifles. They say don’t judge a book by its cover, but how else am I gonna know what the book is about? I can only go by that accent, which gave me creepy flashbacks of my high school football coach. Your southern drawl and talking about that “gal” really is not cool to me. Maybe I’m overreacting, and I should listen while you talk about how you like “big ole butts.” But every fiber of my being wants to run away from this conversation. I mean, it’s not like I actually was engaged in the conversation. I just wanted to sit in the café and watch a little CNN, while listening to my iPod. Why did you choose me to talk to? I can assure that I wasn’t lonely, and wasn’t looking for a conversation, especially one about my co worker’s booty. That’s just wrong, Mr. Security Guard.

 I wonder if you abuse your position. Like do you offer rides to the garage in your golf cart to the big butt black girls? Or do you move the surveillance cameras to capture maximum black gal coverage? Or when you’re doing the fingerprints (we’re bonded, so we have to get printed), do you hold on to their hands just a tad too long, so they feel uncomfortable, but not uncomfortable enough that they know you are doing it on purpose? I don’t know about you. This conversation makes me think you just might have a problem. How bout this? Let’s just never talk again, and I’ll try to forget about that lecherous look and inappropriate comments you were making.

Sincerely,

Rashan Jamal

Thursday, December 17, 2009

I Am Sam

You ever see that movie with Sean Penn playing a mentally handicapped person? I haven’t because I don’t like tearjerkers, or movies that are supposed to be inspirational. Therefore, all I know about that movie is that Sam is slow, or that word that means slow that I’m not supposed to use. Yesterday, I felt like Sam.

You see, I went Christmas shopping yesterday and when I got home I tried to wrap Jameil’s Christmas presents before she got there. Yeah, let’s just say it was not a good look. Scratch that, lets not just leave it there, because you need to know that I have absolutely no aptitude for wrapping presents. The first one came out okay. It wasn’t anything that you would write home about it, but it was presentable. The next 3 however, looks like Sam decided to take up gift wrapping. I mean, I was all thumbs. First the paper is baggy on the boxes. Don’t ask me how I managed that, especially since I watched a youtube video that gave me instructions on how to wrap gifts. I also got paper bunched up on the sides. I ripped a piece and had to start over, but the same thing happened again. So, I just put an extra piece of wrapping paper on top of it. On one gift the bottom looked okay, but the top was jacked up. So what did I do? I just flipped it over and made the top the bottom and the bottom the top. It was really messed up. I should take a picture so you can see. I told Jameil when she sees the wrapping she’s gonna want to pat me on the head and say “Bless his heart.” It’s that bad. Hopefully, she’ll like her presents enough that the wrapping won’t be a factor.

When it comes to wrapping gifts… I am Sam

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Crazy Ray & Ray J

I went to the barbershop this afternoon, and as always there was something crazy happening. It made my haircut take way too long. It was dead when I went in, the barbers and the beauticians were all sitting around watching a bootleg. More on that later... So, I'm sitting in the chair, getting my cut, when I hear yelling. I don't have my glasses on, so I don't know exactly what's happening. But I hear...

"Don't drop any more food in front of our shop!!!"

She said it like you would say it to a kid. I hear some indistinct muttering, then I hear a thud. Then all the barbers stop cutting hair, and run to the door. I put on my glasses and see a splattering of ketchup on the window. The dude that was muttering indistinctly, apparently had thrown some french fries at the window. I start looking around to find my hiding place just in case this thing escalates into gunfire. Paranoid? Yep, but when you've had as many gun experiences as I have, you learn that paranoia is not such a bad thing. My barber comes back and he's all calm, so I think its over and relax a little bit.

"That was just Crazy Ray."

I didn't know his name, but I've seen him around. I think he's homeless, but he always has a take out plate from the restaurants in the area. He does odd jobs at the gas station right down the street. At first I thought he was a crackhead, but after seeing him around, I just think he is nuts. He's known for talking to himself, wandering down the streets, and pointing at traffic. Not in a menacing way, but just pointing at the cars as they drive by. He's harmless. I do wonder where he sleeps. There's no homeless shelter around, and I sometimes see him when I'm out late. I wonder if he sleeps behind the gas station.

Anyway, back to the movie. I think it was called "Envy" and it starred Ray J as a drug dealer. Yeah, I'll say that again. Ray J as a murderous drug dealer. I couldn't see the movie, but I heard it. It was pretty, pretty horrible. What is Ray? The gangsta of love? What he gonna croon a nigga to death? Plus, he sounded like he was reading his lines from a teleprompter. It was a typical bad rapper movie, complete with the strip club scene, the big time drug dealer wanting to get out of the game, the over-exaggerated use of the eff word, even when it doesn't sound natural. And to top it off, there was a scene of Ray J in bed with two chicks. That was the favorite of the barbers and beauticians. They ran it back 3 times. I was like, can you please watch your masturbatory materials after my hair cut is finished?

So, I'd like to thank Crazy Ray and Ray J for making my haircut take way longer than it should have. I appreciate that. I enjoying sitting in the chair covered in hair while they attend to you two.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

I Shall Call Her..Mini Me

At work, my co-workers constantly ask me questions. I’m the go to guy for information. It doesn’t matter if the President and CEO were around, they would defer to my knowledge. As much as I’d like to take credit for it, it’s a simple matter of reading and comprehension. All the tools are at our fingertips, and what can I say? I ‘m literate. That’s not to say that they aren’t, but I have an ability to understand what I read and remember it. I usually have the answer before they finish their long winded questions, and if I don’t know the answer, I say I don’t know, unlike some people who try to talk in circles or make up some stuff. It works out well for all involved. I like being right, they like getting the right answer, and the manager likes not being bothered with things that I have more knowledge of. In fact, even he hits me up from time to time when he’s trying to figure something out.

It was brought to my attention that one of my co-workers is trying to take my place as the Answer Man. I don’t mind, it would be okay with me if they hit someone else up every now and again. But there is just one problem… SHE DON'T KNOW NOTHING!!! I never really noticed it until today. Someone will address me by name and ask me a question. Before I can even fix my mouth to answer it, here she comes loud and wrong. I shall call her... Mini-Me! I’ll give you a made up example.

Co-Worker: What color do yellow and blue make?
Rashan: Gre
Mini-Me: Magenta!
Rashan: WRONG!!! (said like Charlie Murphy in the Rick James skit)

Obviously, I can’t give real examples of what they ask me, but its stuff that anybody who has been doing this job for more than 2 months should be able to answer. It’s bad enough that they ask about it, but for the Mini Me to be wrong so much is even worse. Don’t try to help me. I know what I’m talking about. I don’t ever get the scrunched up nose and the slightly tilted head indicating that they aren’t sure about what I just told them. It’s funny. At least 4 times since 4PM when it was brought to my attention, Mini Me tried to interject while I was answering a question. Go sit down somewhere, Mini-Me!

Monday, December 14, 2009

My Embarrassing Moments Come With A Soundtrack

I think my iPod was having some fun at my expense today. 3 different times I got caught not paying attention.

1. I'm sitting in my car about to leave my apt complex. The windows are fogged up, so I'm waiting for the defrost to kick in. I plug the iPod into the adapter and hit shuffle. Cry For You by Jodeci comes on. I start singing... "Its been an hour since you been gone... and that's too long so come back home." Not paying any attention to whats going on around me. Just crooning like I can actually sing. I pull into reverse... and almost run over the Jehovah's Witness lady that was walking past my car. Sorry, didn't mean to almost kill you lady, but the Jodeci was getting good to me.

2. I'm walking from the garage to the building. Ipod still on shuffle, but now I got my earbuds in. I'm walking and bobbing my head to Public Enemy's "Rebel With A Pause." In my head, I'm rapping along. I feel my lips moving along with the song. "P.E. - s group, a crew, not singular/ we wear black wranglers... we're rap stranglers, you can't angle us.. I know you listening" And before I could finish the line, my big old foot somehow missed the curb. I didn't fall, but I definitely stumbled a little bit. I looked around to see if anyone was around. Yeah, they saw it. I just laughed and kept it moving.

3. After one of my breaks, I'm go to the bathroom to wash my hands. I still have the iPod. This time I'm listening to Masta Ace's "Beautiful" Yes, I know you have no idea who I'm talking about Jameil. The words are filling up my brain... 'This ain't hugging the block with a gat in your hand/ this is Boca Ratan on a Catamaran. With the sun beaming on you while you sat in the sand" By the time the chorus hit I was washing my face, and I was looking in the mirror. And I happened to rap the chorus out loud... "It's beautiful" Just then a dude came out of the stall. He didn't say anything, but he had this look on his face that let me know he thought I was talking about my reflection. I mean it is beautiful, but I'm not going to say it in public. LOL

I should probably give the iPod a rest tomorrow.

Sunday, December 13, 2009

For 2010...

Can we do away with the term "hate?" It was innovative back in the 90's when people first started saying it. At the beginning of the 00's or whatever that decade was called, it was okay. But some how along the way, it started meaning something different. Hate is the go to word whenever someone doesn't agree with you. I "hate" to tell you this, but not everybody is going to have the same opinion. That doesn't mean they are hating on you. It means that people are different.

Can we do away with bragging about money? Especially when you don't really have any money. When you are talking about hot cars and jewelry on your song, but you've never sold anything except 3 mixtapes at the barber shop? When you are working 9-5 just like everybody else, but you want people to believe that its feasible for you to be popping champagne every weekend at the club. Even if you got it like that, people don't want to hear about that while there is 10% unemployment in the country. When you get robbed, you have only yourself to blame.

Can we do away with worshipping people? Can you realize that people are going to do what they are going to do. No man is perfect and lots of men are just bad people. Doesn't matter if they are famous or not. Doesn't matter if they are rich or not. Stop putting people up on pedestals, and you'll stop being disappointed. And yes, I'm talking about Tiger, amongst others.

I got lots more I'd like to do away with, but I don't wanna sound like I'm hating. LOL What's something you'd like to do away with in 2010?

Saturday, December 12, 2009

A Christmas Tag I Stole From Someone's Page

1. Does your family send Christmas cards? My mom and grandma do, but I don't see the point. Maybe when I have kids, I'll make them dress up in festive sweaters and send cards out.

2. How soon do you start shopping?: Usually, not before the 15th. I'm a procrasinator

3. Who do you shop for?: my gf, and maybe my nephews and nieces.

4. Do you put up a Christmas tree?: Sometimes, I did last year and I'm thinking I should do that this weekend.

5. If so, is it fake or real?: Fake.

6. Do you like tinsel?: I used to, but it's too messy.

7. Do you use homemade or store bought ornaments?: both, although the homemade ones aren't really mine. Stuff my sister left when she moved back to Savannah.

8. Do you put Christmas lights outside your house?: no, not for me.

9. Do you put lights on the tree?: yes, but I think they are attached to the tree.

10. How about popcorn and cranberries?: I'm good on the perishables, just give me some wrapped candy canes.

11. Is there a wreath hanging on your door?: there will be tomorrow.

13. Do you hang up your stocking?: yes

14. Does your family read "Twas the night before Christmas?": we don't read together. we each individually can read, so there is no need to do a group read.

15. Christmas Movie?:I think I don't like Christmas movies, so I'll make it a tv show. "A Charlie Brown Christmas" is the best. This is my favorite scene.



16. Character from any Christmas Movie: The Grinch from the cartoon, not the Jim Carrey one. Haven't seen that.

17. Christmas Song: Nat King Cole's version of "The Christmas Song", but I also like "Silent Night" when The Temptations say. "Merry Christmas...from the Temptations."

18. Christmas Memory: too many to think of at this time. I'll go with the most recent one, stolen from Jameil's blog.

19. Give or Receive?: give, but if you want me to receive I'm down.

22. Ham or Turkey?: whatever someone cooks, but if I had my druthers it would be ham. Turkey is for Thanksgiving.

24. White Lights or Colored Lights? colored

25. Blinking Lights or Still Lights: I like the blinking lights..can I call them Flashing Lights.. and start rapping the Kanye song?

26. Were you Naughty or Nice this year?:I'm always nice, though Jameil will disagree.

27. What do you want for Christmas this year?: Wii games, controllers. Did you read that post?

28. When do you open your gifts?: Whenever I wake up on Christmas.

29. What's the best gift you've ever gotten?: 1990 I got my first CD player and two CDs. K Solo and Monie Love.

30. What's the worst gift you've ever gotten?: It's the thought that counts, so I wont bring that up even though she doesn't read the blog...I hope.

31. Who gives you the most gifts?: This year and last year Jameil. Before that, whoever my gf was at the time. My family doesn't really exchange gifts.

32. Have you ever had a secret Santa?: I hate secret Santa. I get horrible gifts like a couple of years ago I got a chia pet at work. LINK

33. Do you like wrapping gifts?: nope, if I could I would pay someone to do it for me or just give it in a gift bag that requires no work on my part.

34. Do you put change in those red buckets?: yeah, about that... there's way too many of them. Where do you draw the line? Every bucket, every 5 buckets, once a day. I just choose to keep my change under my car seats, in my couch and in the dryer after doing laundry.

35. Do you burn a yule log?: I've only lit a fire once, and almost died from smoke inhalation. Yes, that is an exaggeration, but it did scare me off fireplaces.

36. Can you name all the reindeer?: No, I got Rudolph, donner, blitzen, comet.. someone help me out.

37. Do you bake cookies?: I don't but I love cookies, so maybe I should this year.

38. Have you ever seen your mommy kissing Santa Claus?: Nope, but I did wake up and see my father putting together my bike when I was 6. I didn't tell them I knew he was Santa, b/c I wanted to keep getting gifts from both my parents and Santa.

39. Have you ever gotten a kiss under the mistletoe?: Yep, although I can't remember any details about it.

40. I don't know why it's missing question 40.

41. Do you drive around and look at the Christmas lights?:  I like doing that, but haven't done in a couple years.

42. Have you ever left Santa cookies?: Yep, cookies and milk. I loved waking up to a half eaten cookie and a thank you note from Santa.

43. Have you ever sat on Santa's lap?: I have *no homo* LMAO!

44. Who do you celebrate Christmas with?: with my family, and this year Jameil's family.

45. Where do you celebrate Christmas?: Usually at home. I don't usually go to Savannah because I have to work the following day. But this year, I'm going to Charlotte with Jameil.

46. Have you ever had a white Christmas?: Back when I lived in New York. It was cool, sledding, snowballs, hot chocolate.

47. What part of Christmas do you look most forward to?: All of it. It's just a good season.

48. Have you ever had your picture taken with Santa?: I don't remember, I'm sure I have, though I have no visual evidence.

49. Does your family always take pictures at Christmas? not like Olan Mills or anything, but we get digital.

50. Have you ever heard the song "Thank God For The Kids"?: Huh? Nope, never heard of it.

Friday, December 11, 2009

"Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night*

Can keep me from my pimpin’ Yep, I’m a mailman, and I’m fly. You wanna know how you know I’m fly? Because I be riding in my mail van with a gangsta lean. I dare you not to look as I fix my eyebrows in the mirror and wink at the ladies as I pass. I rock short pants in the winter because I’m too hot for these cats. You didn’t know? I’m trying to put you up on game. Yep, I got a cigarette dangling from my lips like them old player. Nope, I ain’t smoking it. It’s just to make me look cool. In addition to being too hot, I’m too cool. I’m a paradox, yo! I’m mad paradoxical, son! Yeah, I’m in my 40’s, but that don’t stop me from blasting Plies as I deliver the mail to Rashan’s job. Yeah, it’s a government vehicle, but you best believe I got my pine tree air freshener just like I have in my personal Lincoln Town Car. Gotta smell good when I’m handling those packages, if I want them ladies to handle my package! Whoo, all that I’m missing is a red cup with some Seagrams, and maybe some spinners for the van. That’ll be next year! I don’t know why postal workers get such a bad rap, baby! I don’t kill, I chill. I don’t even know how to move fast. I move slow and steady, like the waves I’m fond of brushing when I pull up. You ever wonder why I don’t deliver the mail until 5:45 when the business day is over? That’s cuz I got bidness to handle. You know how I roll. I’m your friendly neighborhood mailman!

* I just found out that this isn't the real motto of the Post Office, but an inscription on one local office in NY. Doesn't matter, I'm still using it for my title.

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Is This The End???

Mama told me one day it was gonna happen, but she never told me when/she told me it would happen when I was much older, wish it would have happened then... New Edition "Is This The End?"




I had it all planned out in my head how I was going to write a clever post where I try to trick you, but now I don't feel like it. So, I'll just tell you what might be coming to an end. Blogging at work. See, today I went to log in to facebook at lunch, and got a nasty message about how the site is blocked. Then I went to twitter to see if they blocked that too. Yep, they did. Then someone asked me about MySpace. After I stopped chuckling at them for still using MySpace, I checked that too and it was blocked. The only thing that's still standing: Blogger! Well, Wordpress too, but I wonder how long before they figure out that blogging makes people as unproductive as Facebook does. They're gonna make me put the internet back on my phone if they keep blocking all the sites. Not that I've had time to actually read blogs at work, but I still like to have the option. I'm thinking that the end is nigh.

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Y2K

It's hard to believe that it's been nearly 10 years since the whole Y2K scare. I remember people thinking that all the world's computers were going to crash, and chaos would ensue. Turns out that nothing happened, and all was well with the world as always. I remember at the time downplaying the Y2K effect, but secretly I had no idea what would happen. At the end of 1999 I was living in Savannah, unemployed, didn't know how I was going to pay my rent, and too proud to go to anyone for help. I remember that New Years Eve like it was yesterday...

Me and my girlfriend at the time had been fired from our job because of some less than legal stuff we were involved in allegedly. (I couldn't find the post that I wrote about it to link... ) She found a job working at Longhorn steakhouse as a hostess, but I couldn't find a job to save my life. Pretty much all of my ill gotten gains were depleted, and we survived on her tips which we turned into meals from the burger king right down the street from my crib. They had a crazy 2 whopper meals for $4 deal. I sold a bunch of my cds to Media Play for about $3 each, so I wasn't totally broke, but who knew how long that would last? In the days leading up to Y2K, I knew things had to change...

New Years Eve, I dropped the gf off at work, and I went home to check on some jobs. I called this company that I interviewed with previously and was informed that I didn't get the job. It bothered me, but at least the waiting was over. I played some Playstation, blasted some music, and was generally restless. But more than that I was hungry. I counted my the little funds I had in my wallet, and decided that I would save that for drinks and go visit grandma. She always wanted to feed me when I went over there. I drove the 2 miles to her house and chilled for a few hours. Of course she fed me, and we sat and watched CNN as the year 2000 rolled in across the different time zones. Grandma said something to me that hit home.

"Everybody's worrying about this Y2K thing, but they need to be worrying about what they are going to do with the rest of their lives."


MESSAGE!!! I heard it loud and clear. What am I going to do with the rest of my life? I'd settle for knowing what I'm going to do in the short term. I sat on the couch quietly, and pondered that thought. As Wheel of Fortune came on,  I hugged my grandma goodnight and promised that I would be safe in the NYE traffic. I had to go make a run. My gf's cousin was coming to visit and I had to pick her up from the Greyhound station downtown. I had never met her. I didn't really know what she looked like, but my gf was at work for a few more hours and the least I could do was pick her cousin up while she brought home tip money and food. I drove down Abercorn on my way downtown, when the familiar flashing lights of the Savannah Police Department beckoned me to pull over. Great! The last thing I need is another ticket. I know my tag is expired, but I just don't have the money to do that now. I lied about the new tag being in the mail, I blamed Y2k for slow computers, I asked for mercy to no avail. Finally, I just signed my ticket and rolled out. The thought of another financial obligation I didn't know how I was going to pay troubled me.  I made it to the bus station late, thanks to the SPD. I picked up the cousin, then picked up the gf from her job, and we went back to our apartment.

Somehow, after a few drinks, we decided to go down to River Street for the New Years Celebration. I was not really in the mood. I tried to play it off, but my mind was elsewhere. I let the cousins talk and laugh while I hung out behind them thinking. I was thinking maybe Y2k should hit. Maybe all the computers of the world will crash. Maybe the feds won't know about the embezzlement (allegedly) anymore, maybe Sallie Mae will lose my student loan info, maybe the ATMs will start shooting out money. Maybe the first would be last. Maybe everything would change. Admittedly, my mind was being very dramatic, but I was in a bad place. I'm a college graduate, but I'm broke and can't get a job. I'm thinking the feds might pounce on me at any minute. My 2 best friends just got arrested outside my apartment and are on cocaine.  I f*ckin hate Savannah and I need a change.

10..9..8... This is it.
7... 6... 5... Do your worst Y2K
4... 3... 2...  Let's get a do-over!
1... Happy New Year!!!

I looked around for any signs of chaos. NOTHING!!! The lights were still on. The music was still blasting. People were kissing and drinking and being merry. I saw the giant peach and the signs that stated 2000. It was a new decade. Welcome to the new millennium (even though I know it actually started in 2001 now, I didn't realize that back then)! Everything was the same as it ever was. I knew that if things were going to change, it wouldn't be a computer bug that did it. I had to do it for myself. Less than a month later, we moved to Atlanta. I got a job. I got a new life. I left all the negative energy of Savannah behind (well most of it.) I've been here almost a decade. I wonder what the next decade will bring.

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Random Thoughts Again

1. I've decided that while domestic violence is not funny, male athletes getting beat is funny. Politically incorrect? Yep, but true.

2. I have a hard time not banging my head against brick walls sometimes. I just need to learn that some people just can't be reasoned with, and I should stop trying. I usually figure it out like 3 minutes too late, and thus get frustrated with people's stupidity.

3. I went to Subway saturday to get a tuna sub and they were 2 for 1. I may or may not have only consumed tuna subs this weekend.

4.Nobody believes I'm anti social, so let me clarify. When I go out, I know how to act socially. It's just like pulling teeth to get me to go out and if I do go out, I only talk to people that I know, or that talk to me first. So maybe I'm just shy.

5. I feel like rearranging my living room again. I think I do that every 3 months, but there are only so many configurations I can do.

6. A disgruntled ex employee of my company (in my building, but in another department) went on YouTube and blasted management, calling out names. Why am I the only person at my job that thinks that was NOT a good idea. People are talking like she's a hero, I'm just thinking, about how hard it would be for her to get a job if a prospective employer saw the 10 minute diatribe, in which she used her real name.

7. Jameil and I were watching this documentary set in Cuba and she says.. "everything in Cuba looks like it hasn't been washed since the Americans left." LOL - she was so right. I still wanna visit though.

8. I like black people. I like movies. I don't like most black people movies. I know that is a shame, but it's not my fault. I'm not going to watch crap just b/c it happens to have black people in it. No matter what you say, I will continue to think Tyl.er Pe.rry movies suck. I will continue to think any movie with Vivica A Fox starring should not be made. And any movie starring a rapper not named Mos Def or LL Cool J will be horrible. (yes, I know there are some exceptions... but I'm on my bad black movie soapbox right now, so don't bother to try to change my mind.)

9. My tastes are as eclectic as the next (wo)man, but I can't stand when people use their idiosyncrasies to act like they are better than other people. Like okay, I get it. You like emo music, obscure poetry and know the names of 422 members of the House of Representatives. You still work at Target. You ain't that deep.

10. I wish my sister and her kids would come up to Atlanta this weekend and put up my Christmas tree. I also wish someone would do my Christmas shopping for me. So far I've gotten one Christmas gift (for Jameil's mom) and that was only because Jameil told me what to get. Me and my procrastination.

11. My old friend sleep has abandoned me again. As I type this it is 6:22 AM, and I have to get up for work in 3 hours and 38 minutes. If I wasn't so scared of my family history of addiction, I would take sleeping pills more frequently to actually fall asleep. The thing that frustrates me is that I can be dead tired one minute, then if I so much as change positions I wake up and can't fall back asleep for hours. UGGGH I guess I should stop typing and try to catch a few hours.

Monday, December 7, 2009

Late

No matter what time I go to bed, or what time I wake up in the morning, you can bet on one thing: I'll be late. Every now and then I'll get to sleep before 3 in the morning or wake up before my alarm goes off at 10, or actually get up before my third alarm pleads with me to get my punk arse up. But it doesn't matter. I always leave the house at the same time. Somewhere along the line I figured out that if I leave the house by 10:45 I'll get to the parking garage at 11:20, factor in a 4 minute walk to the building, and 90 seconds to get upstairs and to my desk, I'll be there at 11:26, giving me 4 minutes to get my stuff together. Only, lately I've been leaving at 10:47, or 10:48, or  10:49 - You get the point. I've been getting to work exactly when I'm supposed to be there.

Periodically, I get my stuff together and decide that I'm going to stop being late. It usually lasts for about a fortnight. Then I fall back into that predictable pattern. I used to get up earlier and iron a shirt, now I just throw it in the dryer while I'm in the shower, and by the time I get out, its good to go. And about that shower, that's one of the reasons I'm late all the time. No matter what time it is, I can't seem to shortchange my shower time. It be feeling good. It be relaxing me. It be what I need to wake all the way up. So, if I wake up late, I know in my head, I should take a 5 minute shower, but I can never seem to get out before 10 minutes. My computer is the other culprit. I always can find time to check my email, or my facebook before I go to work. Doesn't matter if I'm late, I'm going to do it anyway. And don't let me start checking blogs, I'll go up and down my blogroll and then realize I need to be jumping in the shower. It's the thing about me that annoys me the most. I hate being late. It's such a race cliche, but I do it all the time. I need to find a way to kick this procrastination habit. 

(BTW I realize that I'm almost late with this blog post too, but I'm still doing the daily thing, even if it is at the end of the day.)

Sunday, December 6, 2009

Hello Old Friend

So glad to see you again. It's been awhile since we hung out. You know how I am, I get busy, or ignore your calls sometimes. And you know how you are, mad elusive. But I'm so glad we took this opportunity to catch up. We go through these phases a lot where we separate, then get back together. Why must we be so dysfunctional? I think our friendship could be a really good one if we could just get it together. After all, you are cool with Jameil, and she is cool with you. There's no problem there. As much as I talk about you, everybody knows how I feel about our friendship.  There's no reason for us to be arguing at 5 in the morning anymore. A friendship like ours is the real deal. I've tried everything I could to rekindle it. Can you do your part too? Like I said, it was really good hanging out with you this morning, and even better this evening. I know it can't always be like this. After all I have to work sometime, and we both know too much of a good thing is never good, but I think we could at least be closer than we've been lately.

Sleep, my old friend, take it easy. And I hope to see you tonight.

Saturday, December 5, 2009

Cry Me A River



Oh Allen Iverson... why did you get up there and start crying? You know I can't stand seeing grown men cry, especially if its over some old fake emotional stuff. We talking about a game of basketball, not someone dying, so please stop crying. I'm your # 3 fan, and I just can't stand to see you go out like that.

What is it about sports that makes macho, grown men break down in tears? I was watching college football today, and Tim Tebow was crying after UF lost. Then later I turned to boxing on HBO, and they showed this boxer boo hoo crying in the ring after getting beat up. Let me get this straight. Getting punched in the face for 10 rounds doesn't bring you to tears, but immediately after you want to cry like a 7 year old girl named Bethany who was didn't get an invite to her former best friend Ashleigh's birthday party?

Is it when you realize that your dream is not going to come true? Like if you lose the Super Bowl, is it okay to cry? Because if that's the case, then my favorite basketball team, the Knicks could have started crying during training camp. And can regular dudes cry without any social stigma? Like if I go to work, and I don't get commission for the month, can I just get 5 minutes to cry without being looked at sideways? Or if a criminal gets away from a cop, can the police department just huddle up together and hold each other for a minute? Or what about rappers. Is it acceptable for 50 Cent to start blubbering because he only sole 150k in the first week? I don't think so. So why do athletes get a pass?

Admittedly, I don't know much about playing sports. My illustrious football career consisted of a 2 week period in the summer of 1990 before I  quit because getting yelled at by a redneck coach in 100 degree weather while not getting paid felt a little too much like slavery  in my irrational 15 year old extreme militant Rashan X phase. But what I do remember is that it was all about being manly as possible. You avoided showing weakness at all costs. Not sure how crying fits into that category.

Friday, December 4, 2009

Let It Snow

I was just looking at the weather forecast for tomorrow and it’s supposed to snow. I don’t believe it. I’ve learned a few things from living in Atlanta for almost a decade. BTW, I’m aware that this it one rambling, off point, tangentized post. Just run with it. It’s how my brain works.




#1 It never snows on the first try. It usually takes three false alarms before the white stuff starts to fall. I’ve been known to smirk and make jerky comments at the weather people when they announce snow. That’s pretty strange of me, maybe I shouldn’t have mentioned that or at the very least deleted it instead of writing about how strange it is that I wrote and didn’t delete it. LOL But for real, Atlanta goes into panic mode over the threat and then it turns out to be nothing most of the time. Schools often close for no reason. I gotta get me some kids so I can use them as an excuse to stay home from workl next time the forecast calls for snow.



#2 It never snows when people expect it to. Usually it’s a major shock when it starts snowing. Then you see people panicking about how much bread and water they have as if they think the new Ice Age is upon us. They don’t realize that even if schools are closed, Kroger is not closing and even if Kroger closes, QT will be open and even if they aren’t open, then the South Asian that runs the corner market is going to be open. And even if they close… they ain’t gonna close. Them joints stay open selling their incense, cigarettes, and energy drinks no matter whether it’s a hurricane, blizzard or police shooting next door. I’m pretty sure you’ll be able to find food for those 4-6 hours that it’s snowing.



#3 Most annoyingly, it never snows when I’m supposed to go to work. I don’t have to work tomorrow, so watch me be wrong about points 1 and 2 this time. I bet I’ll wake up to a blanket of snow covering my car, and trying to figure out where in the world I put my gloves. No matter how old I get, the first snow of the season requires me to make at least 2 or 3 snowballs and throw them at the building across the way from me. I just thought about it, somebody lives there now, so I’ll have to find a new target. Maybe I’ll throw snow at passing cars like we used to do when I was a mischievous kid in New York. Nah, I might get shot. Whatever happens, I already know that the snow will be gone by Monday when it’s time to come back to work. It’ll be all clear. No free snow day for me. In ten years working here, I’ve only had one day that was called off by weather.. and that was a tropical storm, not snow. It just always falls on my days off.

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Attention

"Hey Rashan!"

I said what's up without looking because I recognized the voice. I was reading a blog or something at work that day. She continued talking to me, about what I can't remember. I looked up and literally did a double take...

"Whoa!"

I probably shouldn't have reacted like that, but I was taken aback. What in the world was going on? I didn't mean to let my surprise show but I couldn't help it. Why was she standing there in front of me like that? I mean, she can't expect me not to look. She knows what she's doing. She wanted the attention.

"You must like it cuz you staring!"

How do I answer this? Should I be tactful? Should I be honest? Should I be a jerk? I chose to just deflect...

"You certainly look different"

I guess she realized that the was as much of a compliment as she was going to get from me, so she said. "Thanks!"  and walked away. I motioned to my homeboy to take a look. We watched her walk away unable to take our eyes off of.her... hair. Ol girl got a Chaka Khan weave!!! I wish I could bring my camera to work, but they would think I'm committing fraud or something. But this is what her hair looked like - LINK Why would you willingly do that to yourself in 2009. Why is your hair enveloping your head like that? Are you about to try out for Solid Gold? Do you hide your gun in your hair like Foxy Brown? I told you she wanted attention. The people I work with...

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

You're Fired

I've been having some really weird dreams the last couple of nights. Whenever I fall asleep, I dream about work. More specifically, I dream about getting fired. It's really strange. Sunday Night/Monday Morning, I had 3 different dreams about getting the boot. The first one was because of work performance. The second was because I told somebody off. The third, I don't know why I was getting fired, but they made a spectacle about it. I was brought into an auditorium and fired in front of about 200 people who were laughing and pointing. Even though I knew they were just dreams, when I finally woke up for good Monday morning, I had to log into to some work stuff to make sure I was still employed after my vacation. I would hate to drive 35 minutes to the office only to find out my badge doesn't work. Fortunately, or unfortunately depending on your perspective, I am still gainfully employed. But because of all the waking up, I went to work dragging like a mug Monday.

Monday night/Tuesday morning, I was mad tired. I actually fell asleep around 12:30. I'm pretty sure it happened mid sentence. Too bad my sleep only lasted about an hour before I was awakened in a cold sweat by another dream about being arrested at the office. This one felt the most real. Although I don't know what I did, and I'm not doing anything wrong in real life, I felt the tightening of the handcuffs like it was real. I felt the anxiety of trying to explain to my loved ones why I was going to jail. That dream messed with my head. Now, I'm writing this blog post, which I wont post until Wednesday, since I already posted for Tuesday and trying will myself back to sleep. Why can't I dream about normal stuff like falling off a building or losing my teeth or drowning or something. Wait, I don't want those either.. Anyway, let me try to go back to sleep and hope I don't get fired or arrested again.

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Ham, No Burger

Damn. Y'all ain't never got two things that match. Either y'all got Kool-aid, no sugar. Peanut butter, no jelly. Ham, no burger. Daaamn.- Smokey "Friday"




So, I got a birthday gift last week. Well, kind of. My mom has a Nintendo Wii that she lets all of the kids play. She also got a Wii for her own personal usage in her bedroom. I don't quite understand what the reasons were, (something about interference) but she said she can't use it. So she said she'll give it to me for my birthday! SCORE!!! I wanted a Wii, and that was only reinforced by me and my brother and Jameil playing Wii bowling on Thanksgiving. I also knew that I would never buy one, since I don't have time to play it. Sounds like a great birthday gift right? But hold on for just a minute...Let me tell you about the Ham, No Burger stuff that went along with it...


I have a Wii now, but what I don't have are the controllers. You know the Wii remotes that actually allow me to play my birthday gift? Yeah, she didn't give me those. The kids are using the ones that came with her personal Wii. Oh, and they are also using her extra copy of Wii Sports because their game is missing. And the remote sensor has a piece missing, which I just discovered when I got home and tried to set it up. So, yeah, I got a Wii, but I can't play it until I buy stuff. I don't mean to sound ungrateful, but I didn't realize my birthday gift was going to require an investment on my part. I ain't got two things that match... Wii, no controllers!

I guess I'll be putting Wii accessories on my Christmas list this year. Anybody got any extra Wii Remotes they want to give me? I'm still accepting birthday gifts.

Monday, November 30, 2009

NaBloPoMo Is My B*tch

That's right, folks! 30 days. 30 blog posts. Done! I laugh in the face of those who thought I couldn't do it. HA! I didn't let anything stop me. Not crazy work which stopped me from blogging from the office. Not being out of town for 9 days, and having to use Jameil's computer. Not momentary blogger's block. I kilt (yes, I said kilt!!!) this daily posting thing. And I didn't even have to resort to recycled tags and memes. Shout out to all those that did it with me. Jameil of course can't stop, won't stop. Diva did it despite our almost daily good natured hate. Ms Behaving just about did it, I'll give you a pass for that one day because from once a week, to nearly daily blogging is a big thing. And everybody else who I'm forgetting right now. You made blogging fun again. No more dreading pulling up the page and trying to come up with something to write about. I'm back in the blogging groove. Since I'm not one for empty promises, I won't make any grand declarations about how I'm going to I'll keep this up all the time. Instead, I'll just ride this wave for as long as I can. But I will say this...

Who's down for December? I'm gonna commit to daily blogging for December too. Any takers?

Sunday, November 29, 2009

Back To Life, Back To Reality

Soul II Soul 1990 -




I actually had that cd. I got it from one of those cd clubs that you paid a penny and got 13 cds, then they kept billing you until you cancelled. That was a glorious day when I got 13 cds in the mail for the first time. I had all kind of eclectic artists in my collection. Anyway, the point of the post was tomorrow I have to get back to life and back to reality. I'm not ready. I've been away from work, away from Atlanta, away from my apt since last Saturday. I really hope I remembered to turn off the heat when I left, otherwise its gonna be warm as a mug when I get back. Yes, I have central heat, but it doesn't turn off like its supposed to when it reaches a certain temp. It just stays hot until I manually turn it off. I also hope I remembered to take out the trash. That would be pretty awful to come home to week old trash. I actually remember doing that, so scratch that. I've gotten really used to be around Jameil 24/7 so its going to suck to not be there with her. We had lots of fun and ate really good and hung out with a bunch of different people in different locations. Now that's a vacation. Tomorrow, it's over.. wish me luck. I'm going to try avoiding the cliche about needing a vacation from my vacation but if I can't promise that wont show up on Facebook tomorrow. I apologize in advance for my corniness.

Okay, I guess I should finish packing and hug on Jameil some more and then hit the road. Talk to y'all tomorrow.

Saturday, November 28, 2009

He Get It From His Mama, Who In Turn Got It From Her Mama

What could I possibly be talking about? My stubborn streak. I always think I'm right, and so does my mom, and so does my grandma. I've always known that they had to have things there way, but I never put 2 and 2 together to see that that's where I get if from. My grandma is known for answering the question "why" with a no. Like it wasn't a yes or no question, I was trying to get to the root of the situation. Her response of "no!" just shuts the whole discussion down. It's like how dare I have an opinion that's not kept to myself. Sure, I may be 35, but she'll be 85 next month. I should know better.

My mom is the same way. She gets these thoughts in her head and wont let them go no matter what anybody else says. This weeks topic was getting a birthday card for my nephew/brother Nate. You may recall from about 20 days ago, Nate hanging up on me when I called to tell him Happy Birthday. Well, apparently a call isn't enough. "He needs a card." Let me tell you about me: I don't remember to send cards. Even if I buy it a month in advance, you wont ever get it. Either I don't have stamps, or I leave it on the table next to the door and forget to take it out. Out of all the family this year, I only got one nephew a card b/c I actually went to his birthday party. If we were waiting for mail... never would have got it. I tried telling her that. Nope it didn't work. "Nate is important, he deserves a card." Okay, men don't really care about cards. You always signed Will's name, and before that my father's name to the card. We just don't think about that kind of stuff. Argument rejected... "get him a card." Okay, I'll get him a card, but don't expect me to remember all the time. I'm just not wired that way. And what about that phone call? It would never fly if I was to hang up on Uncle Alan, so why is it no big deal when he hangs up on me. "He's nine." I know he's nine.. that's old enough to not be rewarded for bad behavior. Again, if I hung up on my uncle, there would have been consequences and repercussions. Just get him a card. Okay, but don't think because I didn't get him a card, that means I don't care. I didn't get anyone a card. You know what - this conversation is going nowhere. I can be as stubborn as my mom, but I don't think I can out stubborn her. Let me just end this conversation...

I realized I get it from my mama, who got from her mama. I wonder if she got from her mama...

Friday, November 27, 2009

I Once Had An Awkward Moment Just To See How It Feels



Actually I had 2 just yesterday:

Awkward Moment #1:

So, we are hanging out after dinner yesterday. Me and Jameil, my brother and his wife talking about something or another. One of my mother's husbands daughters was there too, although not in the conversation at all. All of a sudden she looks at me and Jameil and says .. "Did someone say wedding bells?" EXCUSE ME!!! Who in the world was talking about that? And good thing I'm not some commitment phobic person, and good thing Jameil is not a crazy marriage pushing shrew, b/c that could made for a very uncomfortable moment. As it was, it was an awkward moment. Thanks, mom's husband daughter for that moment.

Awkward Moment #2:

Jameil and I are staying at my moms house for Thanksgiving. I had no idea of the sleeping arrangements, but I knew we wouldn't be sleeping in the same room. See, not only did we think it would be weird, from past experiences, I knew my mom doesnt play that. When my sister was pregnant with my first nephew, her and her ex husband weren't married yet. Even though they were engaged, with a baby on the way, they couldn't stay in the same room. So, last night I ask my mom where we should sleep. She says, we can take the boy's room (my nephews.) They have twin beds. "You can push them together or not..." WHAT!?! - Did you just suggest that your unmarried son and his hot girlfriend sleep together under your roof? Another awkward moment! And just for the record, no we did NOT push the beds together.

Thursday, November 26, 2009

Happy Thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone. We were supposed to get up an hour ago and drive to Savannah to hang with my family, but umm errr.. you see that didn't happen. Jameil is in there washing dishes, and I'm typing a blog post. Eventually, we'll get on the road and I'll get to see my grandmother who I haven't seen in 8 months. And we'll get to have a our non traditional Thanksgiving dinner. I don't know what is on the menu this year, but I do know it involves shrimp and oysters to go along with the turkey and/or ham. I'm getting hungry just thinking about my grandma's mac and cheese. I should probably get off the computer and make sure I'm ready to go when Jameil gets finished, so I'll end this now. I hope everybody has a wonderful day and is thankful for something in their lives. Wait - I just thought of something. Remember a couple years ago when people would do Thankful Thursdays on their blogs? If not, basically every thursday they would say I am thankful for... family, friends, etc? I HATED THAT!!! It was a cute idea at first, but then everybody would be thankful for the same things every week. I mean, sure you can be thankful that God blessed you with great friends you love,  but do I have to hear about it every week? Or other people would use it as a way to take shots at other people passive-aggressively. Like "I'm thankful that I'm not so cynical that Thankful Thursday means nothing to me." Why they gotta talk about me on the sly? LOL I don't know why that popped in my head, and now I'm sure somebody who likes inspirational posts is going to bring it back and it'll be all my fault. Anyway.. like I said, let me get up out of here and go see my fam. Happy Thanksgiving!!!

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

The Can't Sleep Randoms

1. Is it wrong that I have my ringer off on my phone and would just prefer people send me a happy b'day on facebook than actually call or text me?

2. Why are both Jimmy Swaggert and Jim Bakker still on TV? And at the same time on different channels? Weird to me.

3. I've gotten a lot more rational about sports - except the New York Knicks. What I mean is that previously I would be ready to curse out the entire Falcon's organization for being 5-5, now I'm like oh well. The Knicks still get the full wrath of my fandom.

4. I don't understand why people interact with celebs on Twitter. They got 376,332 followers. Do you think they are going to respond to each message? And if they do, that doesn't mean that you are actually friends.

5. Just a thought... when vegetarians talk about being ethical to animals, do they ever think that animals would not be ethical to us if given the chance. I mean, its a food chain for a reason. They would totally eat us and not think twice about it.

6. I was watching "Lopez Tonight" the other night with the stone face. That dude is just not funny to me. But at least he has lots of latino and black guests.

7. By now, everybody knows I'm old. And everybody knows I have a crazy musical memory. The other day at Jameil's classmate's party they were playing some old 80's pop music. I was pretty much identifying all the songs and thinking I need to add them to my iPod. I'm about to have a crazy mix of hip hop, British glam rock, hair bands, doo-wop, emo alternative,  and books on tape on my iPod. I'll listen to pretty much anything but country. Actually, by the time I get back home to my computer, I'm going to forget to download all this music again.

8. I know they are film students, but Jameil's classmates don't talk about ANYTHING other than movies. I've seen a good bit of movies too, so I did join in, but I was wondering what else they could possibly incorporate into the conversations.

9. I asked this on Facebook a couple of weeks ago, but nobody could/would give me an answer so I'll try again: What qualifies a person to be called a prophet or prophetess. And no, this is not Rashan being a sarcastic jerk. I actually would like to know.

10. Lady GaGa concerns me.  I just think anybody that tries that hard to be weird, has a dirty secret that is going to come out one day. I think hers is that she used to be and/or is still a man. LOL

11. Paula Deen getting hit in the face by the ham was hilarious to me. Not so much b/c of her getting hit, but b/ of the black guy's reaction. Take a look at bruh. He looked like "I can't believe y'all done hit this white lady in the face."

12. I hate when my birthday is the day before or the day of Thanksgiving. I'll have to curtail the drinking to make sure that I make it to Savannah at a decent hour. I have a tendency to lay around and do nothing instead of getting on the road anyway, so liquor will just make that worse. Oh well. I'm not a drunk like I used to be, so I'll be okay.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Who, What, Why, Where

Jameil's favorite thing to say to me is "what are you..." Fill in the blanks. What are you typing? What are you eating? What are you watching on tv? Where are you going? Whose blog are you reading? Why did you leave the lights on? Question after question. Half of the time I don't even answer. It's only if she asks more than once, does she really want an answer. I don't do well with being questioned. I've lived on my own for over a decade, and I'm used to doing things my way. If I want to leave the TV on all night, who cares? I pay the bill. If I drop crumbs on the couch, I'll clean it up eventually. If I choose to watch a stupid tv show, it's my own brain cells I'm killing. No big deal, right?  I can't necessarily do that when I'm at her place for a week. Well, at least not without being questioned...

Something inside me just cringes every time I get asked a question. I know it's a fact of life, but it's definitely something I have to work on. I think it's just because (CHEAP PSYCHOLOGY ALERT:) I've always been a middle child that no one paid attention to. Nobody was worrying about what I was doing. Or (INFLATED SELF WORTH ALERT) it could be that I've always been so independent that my opinion was always the only thing that mattered. I don't know the real answer but I do need to find a way to not let questions bother me, since Jameil and her questions aren't going anywhere.  Either that or I could turn it around and start asking her questions all the time.. Any (non-serious) question suggestions for me? LOL

P.S. - By the time most of you read this, it'll be my 35th birthday! 11/25/1974 - God's "You're Welcome" to the world. LOL!!!

Monday, November 23, 2009

I'll Take Things Black People Don't Do For $800, Alex!

Saturday, as soon as I touched down in Gainesville, Jameil took me to a party that was being held by one of her classmates. It was supposed to be a vegetarian barbecue and home beer brewing party. That's right, one of her classmates likes to brew his own beer. Let me just say upfront, it was a good time. It's just that's some stuff that black people don't do. It was different, that's all. Let us continue in the form of pictures, which will not be in the order I want them to be b/c Macs are stupid or I'm stupid. One way or the other, I cant figure these pics out and Jameil is sleeping right now. Anyway, there's me smelling hops and posing with Jameil. And the rest of the pics are of the beer making process which apparently takes months. I know I don't have the patience for that. I'll just go to the citgo and get me a 6 pack of Yuengling. Enjoy!






  

Sunday, November 22, 2009

You May Lie

Remember how when you were a kid, there was always a kid that had a girlfriend who lived by his grandma's house. You know, nobody ever met her, but he swore that she was giving up the booty all summer vacation. Everybody knew he was lying,  but that didn't deter him from sticking to the story.

That's how I feel about some people on the internet. Aside from the obvious liars, there are certain people that I just don't believe. It's not that I'm cynical, its that they don't have offer any evidence to make me think that they are anything more than talented liars. For example, if you are so fine, and dudes always try to get at you, then where's your picture? Why should I give your story any credibility when I can't judge for myself how sexxxy you are? Or if you constantly talk about your significant other, but nobody on Facebook knows what he or she looks like or his/her name?  Or how come every one of your stories sound exactly the same. If you pay attention you can see the same recurring themes over and over again (like with my blog, every story involves some crazy person) I'm not saying you are lying, but you may lie. How do I know? I don't know you.

I guess the reluctance of some people to be forthcoming, and some people being intentionally cryptic got me thinking of this topic. I understand the need for privacy, but if that's how you wanna roll, then perhaps you shouldn't tell all your business on the internet. I don't get it. It just gets me thinking, it may not be real. Some of you may lie.

Saturday, November 21, 2009

Why You Bringing Up Old Stuff?

I got my haircut this morning and there was this dude that was bringing up the OLDEST gossip in the world. The thing about it..nobody was listening to him. Nobody was engaging the conversation. He just was talking and talking and talking... I have to hit the road before Jameil curses me out, so I'll just jump right to it, instead of giving you a long rambling preamble like I usually do. Here are some old stuff he brought up.

"You know Johnny Gill is ghey. All those good songs he had, and he was singing about a man. You know he and Eddie Murphy are ghey together." (Did you just discover the internet and find a gossip site from 2 years ago?)

"Ol R. Kelly got away with that statutory case. Did you see the video?Did he really pee on that poor girl? (How long ago did he get acquitted? Even Chappelle's skit was like 5 years ago.)

"You know, Rick Ross is fake. He was a prison guard. And Plies went to college. How you gonna go to college and be a goon." (Obviously, he's never heard of FAMU -  take that Stace and Aretha. LOL)

"Gucci Mane going to jail again. You know him and Jeezy got beef. Gucci shot one of Jeezy's homeboys." (Yeah, back in like 5 years ago, before anybody outside of Atlanta knew who they were. How is that relevant to him going to jail now?)

"Bobby Brown got a bunch of kids out there." (Who was talking about Bobby Brown?)

Friday, November 20, 2009

The Exclamation Point Post!!!

Son, I’m on vacation for a week!!! I need this in my life!!! I need to not come to work for a week!!! Time to get my mind right for one glorious week!! Nope, scratch that; Let’s count the weekends and say I’m outta here for 9 days!!! What am I gonna do? Well, first I’m going to drive home and wash my dishes and take out my trash, so when I get home I don’t have bugs and funk in my residence. But then I’m going to Florida to see my Jameil, (not the fake Jameil LOL!!!) Don’t know what I’m going to do, but I imagine I’ll rest and relax and eat good, and drink up her red stripe. Red Stripe – HOORAY BEER!!! Then my birthday is on Wednesday!!! I already told you how I felt about that, but whatever I do I’m sure it’ll be fun!!! Thanksgiving, Jam and I are going to drive to Savannah to hang with my family!!! She already knows everybody, except my grandma, so I’m happy for them to finally meet!!! Maybe I’ll take her on the Rashan tour, of all the places I almost got shot, or where I was drunk, or where I was smoked out!!! Nah, that’ll take too long. So maybe I’ll just take her on campus and to Paula Deen’s restaurant, although I may be way too full after Wednesday to want to go there!!!

Honestly, I don’t really care what I do as long as I don’t have to go to work!!! Did I mention I need this!?!? Hopefully I come back refreshed and raring to go, but more than likely I’ll still hate everything and everyone at this place when I get back!!! I’ll still be posting everyday even on vacation. I sure am not going to lose this posting everyday competition to the likes of Diva and Ms. Behaving!!! LOL!!! Just kidding ladies. You know I just said that to get you mad!!! (MA$E – 1994). Anyway, I’m so out of here!!! Be cool!!!!

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Le Faux Jameil

I have a fake Jameil working at my office. I first met Le Faux Jameil sometime earlier this year. I was training a new hire class at the time. It was weird, because I had never met another person named Jameil before, although Le Faux Jameil spells it a little different. It's still pronounced the same way. When we met, I remember telling Le Faux Jameil about my girlfriend with the same name and being taken aback by the response.

"I bet she ain't as cute as me."

WRONG!!! Anyway, unwanted flirtatiousness aside, Le Faux Jameil was annoying, never paying attention in class. I would often observe Le Faux Jameil manicuring nails with a fingernail file, rather than learning. It had been awhile since I had met somebody so wrapped up in their appearance with so little reason. LFJ was constantly applying this strawberry scented lotion, and was always smoothing down freshly arched eyebrows. One day, Le Faux Jameil was wearing a head scarf in class. When I asked why, I got the following response.

"I don't wanna mess up my hair before I go to the club tonight!"

I couldn't even say anything. If that's how you want to do it, far be it for me to try to stop you. Another day, LFJ came to work wearing this black coat from Express. How did I know that's where it's from? Because I had gotten The Real Jameil the same coat for Christmas.

"Yo, I got my girl that same coat for Christmas!" I told a fellow trainer that day after class.

"You better not say anything. You know Le Faux Jameil is digging you. Might take it as a sign that you are meant to be together"

"See.. you ain't even right. LFJ ain't thinking about me."

I was just trying to play it off. The last thing I needed was another coworker trying to get at me. I've had more than my share of that. Especially one with the same name and clothes as my girl. I wasn't trying to be part of no "Single Black Female" joint. But for the rest of the class, I tried to avoid eye contact with LFJ as much as possible. Better safe than sorry. After training was over, I would occasionally see, and subsequently avoid Le Faux Jameil. But without fail, I would.

"Heeeey, Rah-shan!'

Nobody calls me by real name at work. I'm always Shawn, or Ruh-shan, or Rashad. But Le Faux Jameil did. I would always be polite, but try to end the conversation real quick. I wanted no parts of encouraging anyone. The other day, I was walking by LFJ's desk and saw a picture...of LFJ! Word up, I wish I could take a picture of this mess. LFJ is topless (tastefully) with the "me so sexy face" on. Who puts pictures like that of themselves on their own desk at work? And why does everybody think they can model? Ish just looks ridiculous.

Oh, I forgot to tell you. Le Faux Jameil... is a dude! Only in Atlanta.