Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Crazy Ray & Ray J

I went to the barbershop this afternoon, and as always there was something crazy happening. It made my haircut take way too long. It was dead when I went in, the barbers and the beauticians were all sitting around watching a bootleg. More on that later... So, I'm sitting in the chair, getting my cut, when I hear yelling. I don't have my glasses on, so I don't know exactly what's happening. But I hear...

"Don't drop any more food in front of our shop!!!"

She said it like you would say it to a kid. I hear some indistinct muttering, then I hear a thud. Then all the barbers stop cutting hair, and run to the door. I put on my glasses and see a splattering of ketchup on the window. The dude that was muttering indistinctly, apparently had thrown some french fries at the window. I start looking around to find my hiding place just in case this thing escalates into gunfire. Paranoid? Yep, but when you've had as many gun experiences as I have, you learn that paranoia is not such a bad thing. My barber comes back and he's all calm, so I think its over and relax a little bit.

"That was just Crazy Ray."

I didn't know his name, but I've seen him around. I think he's homeless, but he always has a take out plate from the restaurants in the area. He does odd jobs at the gas station right down the street. At first I thought he was a crackhead, but after seeing him around, I just think he is nuts. He's known for talking to himself, wandering down the streets, and pointing at traffic. Not in a menacing way, but just pointing at the cars as they drive by. He's harmless. I do wonder where he sleeps. There's no homeless shelter around, and I sometimes see him when I'm out late. I wonder if he sleeps behind the gas station.

Anyway, back to the movie. I think it was called "Envy" and it starred Ray J as a drug dealer. Yeah, I'll say that again. Ray J as a murderous drug dealer. I couldn't see the movie, but I heard it. It was pretty, pretty horrible. What is Ray? The gangsta of love? What he gonna croon a nigga to death? Plus, he sounded like he was reading his lines from a teleprompter. It was a typical bad rapper movie, complete with the strip club scene, the big time drug dealer wanting to get out of the game, the over-exaggerated use of the eff word, even when it doesn't sound natural. And to top it off, there was a scene of Ray J in bed with two chicks. That was the favorite of the barbers and beauticians. They ran it back 3 times. I was like, can you please watch your masturbatory materials after my hair cut is finished?

So, I'd like to thank Crazy Ray and Ray J for making my haircut take way longer than it should have. I appreciate that. I enjoying sitting in the chair covered in hair while they attend to you two.


Jameil said...

this is why i don't go to the barbershop anymore. wait. i never went. ok i went twice but not for myself. also remind me not to go NOWHERE with you since there are always guns or the threat of guns involved. my skin looks much better sans bullet holes & GSWs. why are you acting like ray j's not hard?

Trish said...

Ray J is such a joke! When news broke that he had a sex tape way back when all I thought was "who'd want to see that?!" I think that every city has a crazy person. There was this lady by my old job that looked like a witch. She would wear all black long clothes and she painted her face white and wears a black veil. I cross tge street whenever I see her, she gives me the creeps!

Nexgrl said...

GUESS WHAT???? RayJ is one of the producers of that movie.

Adei von K said...

where do you get your hair cut??? OMG, I never want to be there!

not the two Rays though! HAHAHAHA!!