Crazy Ray & Ray J

I went to the barbershop this afternoon, and as always there was something crazy happening. It made my haircut take way too long. It was dead when I went in, the barbers and the beauticians were all sitting around watching a bootleg. More on that later... So, I'm sitting in the chair, getting my cut, when I hear yelling. I don't have my glasses on, so I don't know exactly what's happening. But I hear...

"Don't drop any more food in front of our shop!!!"

She said it like you would say it to a kid. I hear some indistinct muttering, then I hear a thud. Then all the barbers stop cutting hair, and run to the door. I put on my glasses and see a splattering of ketchup on the window. The dude that was muttering indistinctly, apparently had thrown some french fries at the window. I start looking around to find my hiding place just in case this thing escalates into gunfire. Paranoid? Yep, but when you've had as many gun experiences as I have, you learn that paranoia is not such a bad thing. My barber comes back and he's all calm, so I think its over and relax a little bit.

"That was just Crazy Ray."

I didn't know his name, but I've seen him around. I think he's homeless, but he always has a take out plate from the restaurants in the area. He does odd jobs at the gas station right down the street. At first I thought he was a crackhead, but after seeing him around, I just think he is nuts. He's known for talking to himself, wandering down the streets, and pointing at traffic. Not in a menacing way, but just pointing at the cars as they drive by. He's harmless. I do wonder where he sleeps. There's no homeless shelter around, and I sometimes see him when I'm out late. I wonder if he sleeps behind the gas station.

Anyway, back to the movie. I think it was called "Envy" and it starred Ray J as a drug dealer. Yeah, I'll say that again. Ray J as a murderous drug dealer. I couldn't see the movie, but I heard it. It was pretty, pretty horrible. What is Ray? The gangsta of love? What he gonna croon a nigga to death? Plus, he sounded like he was reading his lines from a teleprompter. It was a typical bad rapper movie, complete with the strip club scene, the big time drug dealer wanting to get out of the game, the over-exaggerated use of the eff word, even when it doesn't sound natural. And to top it off, there was a scene of Ray J in bed with two chicks. That was the favorite of the barbers and beauticians. They ran it back 3 times. I was like, can you please watch your masturbatory materials after my hair cut is finished?

So, I'd like to thank Crazy Ray and Ray J for making my haircut take way longer than it should have. I appreciate that. I enjoying sitting in the chair covered in hair while they attend to you two.