Friday, December 11, 2009

"Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night*

Can keep me from my pimpin’ Yep, I’m a mailman, and I’m fly. You wanna know how you know I’m fly? Because I be riding in my mail van with a gangsta lean. I dare you not to look as I fix my eyebrows in the mirror and wink at the ladies as I pass. I rock short pants in the winter because I’m too hot for these cats. You didn’t know? I’m trying to put you up on game. Yep, I got a cigarette dangling from my lips like them old player. Nope, I ain’t smoking it. It’s just to make me look cool. In addition to being too hot, I’m too cool. I’m a paradox, yo! I’m mad paradoxical, son! Yeah, I’m in my 40’s, but that don’t stop me from blasting Plies as I deliver the mail to Rashan’s job. Yeah, it’s a government vehicle, but you best believe I got my pine tree air freshener just like I have in my personal Lincoln Town Car. Gotta smell good when I’m handling those packages, if I want them ladies to handle my package! Whoo, all that I’m missing is a red cup with some Seagrams, and maybe some spinners for the van. That’ll be next year! I don’t know why postal workers get such a bad rap, baby! I don’t kill, I chill. I don’t even know how to move fast. I move slow and steady, like the waves I’m fond of brushing when I pull up. You ever wonder why I don’t deliver the mail until 5:45 when the business day is over? That’s cuz I got bidness to handle. You know how I roll. I’m your friendly neighborhood mailman!

* I just found out that this isn't the real motto of the Post Office, but an inscription on one local office in NY. Doesn't matter, I'm still using it for my title.


Trish said...

Lol! I don't know why I pictured this man wih a gold tooth and a jheri curl! I hate when old people try to act toung, you can act your own age and still be cool!

Jameil said...

lololol. MESSSSSS!!

pserendipity said...

Why are you this way?

Nexgrl said...

My normal mail delivery was between 5-6pm, that is until they transfered the guy. Now, 10:30am is the norm. On those rare days when it doesn't arrive until 5:30pm., I know that he's back. He ain't even black.

Rashan Jamal said...

@ Trish - yeah, he didn't have a curl, but he probably has gold teeth. I didn't look that hard.

@ Jameil - I'll take that as a compliment.

@ Pserendipity - for your entertainment?

@ Nexgrl - I think he's a sub too. He was asking where to put the mail a couple of weeks ago..while he was parked in front of the mailboxes..

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