Butts Up

When I was in elementary school, we used to play this crazy game called Butts Up. When I think about it now, I can't believe the teachers let us get away with it. It was pretty sadistic, in a harmless way, and kind of inappropriate. It went a little something like this.

First you need a huge brick wall, like the one we had at Elmwood Elementary School in Spring Valley, New York. The back side of the school had a huge wall with a grass field behind it. That's where we had recess. There were also swings and other playground equipment, but the grass field is where we played kickball, football and of course Butts Up. Next you need a group of rambunctious children hopped up on candy and chocolate milk. You could play with as little as 4 kids, but on good days we had 25-30. The last thing you needed was a tennis ball. For some reason, we used tennis balls for many sports we played, but we never played tennis. For baseball and catch and Kill The Carrier we used tennis balls, tennis never even crossed our minds...

Once you have those elements, you are ready to start the game. One kid would throw the ball against the brick wall, and the rest of the kids would try to field it. You could catch it after a bounce, or you could catch it in the air. But the important thing was, if your hand touched the ball, you had to catch it. If you dropped it, then you were considered out. If you threw the ball and someone caught it before bouncing, you were considered out. You never wanted to be "out" because that's when the game of Butts Up earned it's name.

If you were out, you had to stand against the brick wall, hands over your head gripping the wall and butt up in the air in the "I'm getting arrested" position. Then, everybody left in the game got to take turns throwing the tennis ball...AT YOUR BUTT!!! Let me say this again. 20 kids got to take turns throwing the tennis ball directly AT YOUR BUTT!!! What in our little pre pubescent brains allowed us to come up with such a crazy game? Why would we willing stand against a wall while other kids try to hurt you with a tennis ball coming at high velocity towards your butt? Because it was fun.

I was a beast at this game. I used to be able to catch anything that came in my direction. And when I was my turn to throw at someone who was out? I would cock back my arm and throw as hard as I could. You had some kids that would lob the ball slowly to make sure they didn't miss, but not the kid. I was like a left handed Dwight Gooden (who was my favorite pitcher back in the days for the New York Mets), sometimes I was wild and inaccurate, but if I hit you, you knew it. It didn't matter if you were my best friend or my worst enemy. The game of Butt's Up was about pain and every kid for himself.

We would play Butts Up until there was one kid standing or, as was more likely to happen, recess was over. We rarely had a winner, especially when we had a lot of kids around. The game just took too long, and there was always one kid that stalled when it was his turn to grab the wall. Or kids would argue that they never touched the ball, and shouldn't be out.We needed instant replay for our Butts Up games. Sometimes, the gym teacher would serve as referee for us, but most of the time we would just enforce the rules ourselves. Either way, Butts Up was a lot of fun. What a crazy game for kids to make up!