Le Faux Jameil

I have a fake Jameil working at my office. I first met Le Faux Jameil sometime earlier this year. I was training a new hire class at the time. It was weird, because I had never met another person named Jameil before, although Le Faux Jameil spells it a little different. It's still pronounced the same way. When we met, I remember telling Le Faux Jameil about my girlfriend with the same name and being taken aback by the response.

"I bet she ain't as cute as me."

WRONG!!! Anyway, unwanted flirtatiousness aside, Le Faux Jameil was annoying, never paying attention in class. I would often observe Le Faux Jameil manicuring nails with a fingernail file, rather than learning. It had been awhile since I had met somebody so wrapped up in their appearance with so little reason. LFJ was constantly applying this strawberry scented lotion, and was always smoothing down freshly arched eyebrows. One day, Le Faux Jameil was wearing a head scarf in class. When I asked why, I got the following response.

"I don't wanna mess up my hair before I go to the club tonight!"

I couldn't even say anything. If that's how you want to do it, far be it for me to try to stop you. Another day, LFJ came to work wearing this black coat from Express. How did I know that's where it's from? Because I had gotten The Real Jameil the same coat for Christmas.

"Yo, I got my girl that same coat for Christmas!" I told a fellow trainer that day after class.

"You better not say anything. You know Le Faux Jameil is digging you. Might take it as a sign that you are meant to be together"

"See.. you ain't even right. LFJ ain't thinking about me."

I was just trying to play it off. The last thing I needed was another coworker trying to get at me. I've had more than my share of that. Especially one with the same name and clothes as my girl. I wasn't trying to be part of no "Single Black Female" joint. But for the rest of the class, I tried to avoid eye contact with LFJ as much as possible. Better safe than sorry. After training was over, I would occasionally see, and subsequently avoid Le Faux Jameil. But without fail, I would.

"Heeeey, Rah-shan!'

Nobody calls me by real name at work. I'm always Shawn, or Ruh-shan, or Rashad. But Le Faux Jameil did. I would always be polite, but try to end the conversation real quick. I wanted no parts of encouraging anyone. The other day, I was walking by LFJ's desk and saw a picture...of LFJ! Word up, I wish I could take a picture of this mess. LFJ is topless (tastefully) with the "me so sexy face" on. Who puts pictures like that of themselves on their own desk at work? And why does everybody think they can model? Ish just looks ridiculous.

Oh, I forgot to tell you. Le Faux Jameil... is a dude! Only in Atlanta.