Rashan vs. Rashad

There’s a guy at work with a name similar to mine. Same amount of letters in the first name. Same amount of letters in the last name. First name starts with R.. Last name starts with W. My name is Rashan. His name is Rashad. See what I’m saying? People get us mixed up all the time. I can’t tell you how many misdirected emails both of us have received. It used to bother me because other than the name, we were nothing alike. We don’t look alike, act alike, talk alike. Nothing other than the name is even close. But then I remembered that there’s no sense in worrying about things that I can’t change.

I’ve known him for a couple of years. We even were in the same training classes as mentors a few times. I didn’t dislike him, but he wasn’t exactly my favorite person. I liked to laugh and joke, and he was more the strictly business type. That’s cool, to each his own. We were cordial to each other, but neither one of us would call the other a friend. Then a couple of weeks ago, I realized that we were more alike than I previously thought. He sits a row over from me and I saw his computer one day. He was watching “24” on the internet. I was like I watch that. Then the next day he was listening to some old school hip hop. EPMD, if I recall. I was like, I like old school hip hop. Yesterday, I heard him talking about the series finale of LOST. Everybody knows that’s my show. Then today, actually, right now as I’m typing this, he’s listening to Foreign Exchange. Word? I don’t know too many people that listen to that (in real life, not on the internet.) This dude is like a entertainment doppelganger. You know, a less handsome and charming doppelganger, but a doppelganger nonetheless.

If you are waiting for some profundity in this post, there is none. Just something I found strange.

Monday Mindspacing

I wish people on the internet didn’t discover this symbol >. Now everything is >>> than the other thing. Like we need another way for people to express their opinions online.

Likewise goes for the word: epic… It’s overused. Not everything is epic. Some things are just great. Or good. Or mediocre. Especially when used in conjunction with the word fail. Going to late work is not an epic fail. Shooting up the joint IS an epic fail. See the difference?

Man, I watched the series finale of LOST last night and it was epic!!! Tonight I’m going to watch the series finale of 24. I expect it to be good. See what I did there. LOST>>>24, therefore one is epic, the other is not. (I crack myself up, btw)

I don’t like when I take the time to write a long elaborate email and I get a canned response. Don’t thank me for my feedback, answer my questions. I know all about blowing people off, and that’s what you just did to me with your non response. Meanwhile the issues will continue, because you chose not to respond to my well thought out emails. I did all the work for you, all you have to do is forward the email.

Is a manager really supposed to be talking so freely about other employees personal information. I’ll answer that question. No, you are not. I’ve been a manager, and I also know how to read the employee handbook. You are dead wrong for that. It’s none of my business what someone else does on their off time. I need to record this, because I’m sure nobody in charge would ever believe what I say about it. They don’t even respond appropriately to my emails.

I’ve been having the most vivid dreams again lately. I don’t know why sometimes I do, and sometimes I don’t. They are awesome. They feel like real life and so far there hasn’t been any nightmares, so I say keep them coming. One dream I had was of me and my homeboys having fun in DC (pre drug addiction.) It was really fun to hang out with them again, even if it was in my sleep.

Jameil hates telling people I have no friends. I offered a solution. Stop telling people I have no friends. I, on the other hand, love telling people I have no friends. I find it cuts short any aspirations for people to try to involve me in their lives.

I’m really convinced some people just talk to hear themselves talk. For real, nobody is even listening to you. Can you please learn to pick up on the non verbal cues? Heads down, shuffling feet, looking around all point to the possibility that we aren’t trying to hear all that. Stop making it uncomfortable for all involved and stop telling that story about your hospital visit.

I work with a lot of big people. I’m not talking regular big people. Or even really big big people. I’m talking about Walter Hudson, should have their own show on TLC, can’t hardly walk people. It’s strange. I never noticed them until recently, but it looks like Duke University hospital down there. Maybe I haven’t seen them because I work on the 2nd floor and they are all on the first.

I’ve never been one to be all private on the internet. I understand the reasons, but it’s just not me. For me, I learned early on (when I used someone’s real name and they found my blog) that if I don’t want people to hold my words against me, then I should be careful about what I write. It’s like self censorship. I just don’t call people by name anymore. I don’t say the name of the company I work for. As far as my personal life, if it’s that much of a secret, then I won’t tell anyone. I’m pretty open, but let’s be real… I ain’t telling you everything.

Is that guy in Jamaica’s real last name “Coke?” If so, Best…Drug…Dealer…Name…Ever. It’s epic. Totally >>> Tony Montana. LOL

Thursday Thirteen: 13 Odd, Funny or Inappropriate Facebook Statuses I've Recently Seen

All misspellings are those of the respective Facebook posters.

1. When I'm in love the neighbors definitely know my name & when its REAL LOVE.. the neighbors will know OUR LAST NAME.. cuz its on the mailbox BOW BOW

2. My mother requested me as a friend on fb! I told her I can't except! And my status was at that time "I like it on the dinning room table"! Lol I need to hide my status only my friends need to see!

3. I wonder just how many of my 400+ fb friends actually see & pay attention to my posts : (

4.Wow! This chicks pants are so tight it looks like she has a penus! Hmmm....i know she noticed that before she left the house today! =) LMAO

5. Would it be wrong to take my 4 year old with me to get a drink.... ha ha ha... Lord knows I need one! What a day!!

6. Just sneezed inside my shirt....now my cleavage is wet. Thinking "ummm maybe that wasn't a good idea"

7. OMG Somebody wants me to BLACK THE HELL OUT today!!!!!! These Customer Service Reps better be glad I can't come through the phone on them because THIS "CHICK" would really have me all up in her Mouth Piece. I swear I don't know where the days of Customer SERVICE went....and it's not due to the Recession.

8. my Pimp Game is slippin' I just told 2 different dudes to come to the SAME place I'm gonna be tonight SMH.

9. just saw a Tyra Banks clip on an HDTV so clear, I could actually see the unprofessionalism on set...

10. I made a mistake, and I apologize. To whom it may concern. Im just sayin.

11.Why do they advertise on the bottom of urinals? I'm just sayin

12. Ummm so are colored contacts played out cause I really like Jen's (Basketball Wives)) annnd I think I want some lol !!!! Are hers gray??

13. Ok so I'm in the car with my homeboy and he says "ugh that ni**ah painted his car Gonorrhea Green" Ummm I aint never had it but I'm almost positive it's not green ... Is It??

Avoidance

I’ve mastered the art of avoidance. I don’t think it’s such a bad thing. You may disagree, but I don’t really care. It works for me. It’s just less stressful that way. For example, if I see a number on my phone I don’t want to talk to, I just avoid the call. Why answer it if I know I don’t want to talk to them? I take it a step further by not listening to the message either. I figure if it’s important enough, they’ll call back or send me a text or just hit me up on Facebook. I know I’m not the only one that does that. I’ve seen way too many people talking about how they only check their voice mail to get rid of the icon at the top of the page. There’s even a Facebook page dedicated to that. Luckily these days, I’ve avoided people so adeptly that they don’t even call me that much anymore.

I do the same thing with email. Some emails I just don’t want to read. Case in point, I keep getting emailed by this girl I went to college with. I’ve written about her crazy tail before, and she just won’t stop emailing me. I mean, do you get the point that I’m not going to respond to you? I could just read the email to see what craziness she’s talking about now, but I choose not to. Instead, I just let Jameil read it. She’s nosy like that. LOL In reality, I’m the nosy one, but I’m not the least bit curious about what she has to say to me. After 3 emails browbeating me for not calling her back, I get the point. It’s easier to just avoid it. I’ll leave the email in my inbox just in case I one day lose my mind and decide to read it, or one day get kidnapped and need proof that old girl is nuts, but there’s nothing in that email that’s going to benefit me. I’ll just avoid her.

Stupid conversations is another thing I avoid… most of the time. I realize that people are stupid and are going to say stupid things. And they try to suck me into it. For the most part, I can sidestep it with a disinterested look, or by just leaving. Here’s the thing. I’m never going to convince them, and they sure aren’t going to convince me. Let’s just agree to disagree, or better yet, not talk at all. Sounds like a plan to me.

Avoidance is not just something to do, it’s a way of life. Why go back and forth with people when you can just not talk to them? Why try to reason with crazy, when you can just pretend like it doesn’t exist. Why try to change an opinion, when you know it’s not going to happen? Like I said, it works for me. Feel free to keep beating your head up against a wall if you so choose. LOL

Tito's Gift Basket

Thank Facebook for my posting 2 days in a row. I saw this cat I went to high school with under my friends suggestions. Let’s call him “Tito.”

I met Tito back in 89. He was an incoming freshman, while I was a sophomore. We were in chorus together. He was a super talented singer and pianist, having played in the church for years. He was somewhat of a prodigy. The hater in me wanted to diss him because he was coming in all new and stealing my shine, but the realist in me knew I was never destined for stardom in the music realm. Singing was just something I did because I enjoyed it and it got me out of school on field trips. So, I decided that I would take him under my wing and teach him the ropes. There was only one problem… Tito had a major hygiene problem.

You know how when boys become teenagers, they start to develop smells that they didn’t have before. Most of us learn how to wash, and brush teeth, and use deodorant. Tito was not one of those. Me and my chorus homeboys were repulsed by his general dirtiness and offending smell. But since he was representing us, we had to do something. We tried a couple tactics. First, we would just offer gum when we had it, or some cologne (which I know now would have just exacerbated the situation)or some spray deodorant after a particularly grueling chorus dance rehearsal. Tito would never take anything that might possibly lead to smelling better. Then we tried to handle it in a joking manner. You know one of those truth hiding in a joke things. Like “Tito, you smell so bad, you got those brown wavy cartoon lines following you.” He would laugh, but not take it seriously. Finally, we came Mano-a-Mano and just told him straight up. “Tito, you smell bad. We are being serious. You need to work on your hygiene.” It worked for like a day, but then he was back to his old pigpen ways. Me and the boys were just at a loss.

I came up with an idea. I was joking at first, but it turned into something real. I suggested we get him a gift basket with a bunch of toiletries. You know, soap, toothpaste, antiperspirant, shampoo and hair grease (cuz his dandruff was kicking.) They took my idea and ran with it. One of the girls in our chorus class got the basket, and we went to Wal-Mart and hooked him up. I’m talking about brand names. Don’t ask where a bunch of broke high school kids got money for that because I don’t remember, but I do know “Tito” had everything he needed to stop smelling like hot booty, feet and rotting meat. We put it on top of his locker during chorus class (anonymously of course) and couldn’t wait to see what happened when he saw it.

When he saw it… he started crying. Not like whimpering, but straight up boo-hoo crying. Apparently he didn’t appreciate the gesture and thought we were making fun of him. I didn’t even think of that. I felt bad, but not bad enough to tell him it was my idea, so I just kept my mouth shut. I never tried to help “Tito” again. He smelled bad until his junior year when he finally got a girlfriend. She was able to do what we couldn’t. I can only hope that he hasn’t reverted to his old school stinky self although his profile pic looks a little dingy. LOL. And no, I’m not going to be his Facebook friend..

The Wandering I

My name is Rashan Jamal, and I have a problem. I like to wander. If I go into a store, I will look around aimlessly for long periods of time. Doesn't matter if I have somewhere to be. If I go in, I'm going to wander. Like Friday for instance...

So, I'm on my way to Jameil's after a long day at work. I stop right before the Florida state line to get gas because it's always at least 20 cents cheaper in Georgia than in Florida. I was thirsty, so I go in to get something to drink. Big mistake. Instead of just going to the bottled water aisle and then to register, something told me it would be a good idea to look around. Oooh, look at these interesting dvd players for the car... I don't need that. I wonder if they sell NuGrape, I haven't seen that in years. Nope, just Fanta. How much is the popcorn? Never mind I don't want popcorn, maybe some chips. Nah, I ain't paying 2.59 for some Pringles. Oh wow, look at that dude. Why does he have a perm? And why is that chick dressed like a... Wait, is this dude a pimp? Is he truck stop pimpin? I better update Facebook about this. What did I come in here for? I ended up getting bottled water like I planned from the get go. I can waste some time in the store.

Same night. I got to Gainesville at about 4 AM. I stopped at the 24 hour Walgreens to get some toothpaste. Yes, I could have used Jameil's toothpaste, but I'm gonna need some at home too, right? Sounds like a good reason to go to a store. But where is the Listerine toothpaste? Maybe I just overlooked it. I better look up and down this aisle 6 times before getting another brand. Oh, and since I'm here, I should pick up a Sudoku book for Jameil. Which one though? She only wants the hard puzzles. I can't find that. Let me keep looking. Oh and some gum. But what kind? Oh this is on sale, but it's only 9 pieces as opposed to the Orbit that is 14. Which is a better deal? Oh yeah, I should get out of here, so Jameil can let me in and go to sleep. More time wasting.

This happens all the time. You can't leave me to my own devices, or I shall wander around the store. That's how I wind up going to Kroger for 3 things, and end up with my basket to heavy to carry. At least I don't buy unnecessary stuff. It's just things I forgot I needed until I saw them whilst meandering. Maybe I was an explorer in the past life. Yeah, that sounds better than just being an absent minded wanderer. LOL

Monday Mindspacing

Y’all kill me with the renaming of departments all the time. Just pick one and stick with it. There’s no need for you to rebrand everything by taking out or adding one word every 3 months.

I’ve only seen 1 ½ episodes of The Boondocks, and unlike every other Black person in the world, I wasn’t impressed. Sorry if that makes you want to pull my Black card.

Jameil’s film was AWESOME!!! The experience of seeing her film for the first time on a big screen was amazing. I’m so proud of her.

Jameil’s graduation, and everybody else’s graduation was ridiculously boring. I don’t want to sit through another graduation until my kid gets his diploma. My sister is getting her Masters this weekend. I hope to all that is holy that she decides not to walk.

I don’t know if you know this or not, but it is NOT a good idea to run across I 75 wearing dark clothing late at night to retrieve anything, even if it’s your bumper. I don’t know how it happened, but it’s not going to help you to have that if you are dead.

I’m not the most social person in the world, but when I was down in Florida for the last 5 days, I was trying. I was making an effort to not be a stick in the mud. I think I did a good job talking to all Jameil’s friends and family. The only exception was with Jameil’s father. I don’t think I even told her this, so my bad, but it was hard trying to come up with stuff to talk to him about. I sat next to him at breakfast and said like 4 words “Thanks for breakfast, sir.” LOL

YO!!! It was dumb hot in Florida this weekend. I’m talking about heat indexes of over 100… in May. I’m so glad I won’t have to go down there in July or August. The redeeming quality of the heat was that I got a little tan and I like the way it looks. It’s like my true dark skinned nature is coming through.

I did a good job of not thinking about work while I was gone. I don’t usually think about it when I’m not there, but I’ve been stressed over the last month. Actually, mad is probably a better word and I don’t get mad. I’ve been dreading coming to this place. It seems like every day is another battle that I have to fight on my, and the rest of my teammates behalf.

The weirdest thing about Facebook is that people I work with ask me about stuff I say in real life. They don’t say anything online, but will save up their questions and ask about it in real life. It’s strange to me. I don’t remember what I was talking about 5 days ago, you weirdo!

I need somewhere to hang out on Cinco De Mayo. Preferably somewhere where I can make it home without getting on the highway. Oh, and while on the subject, I need a designated driver who likes Mexican food, and won’t mind if I drink a pitcher of margaritas by myself.

I need to start blogging again. It’s just so easy to NOT blog.

Ellipsis

Compliments are cool... some of the time. When some people give me compliments, I feel dirty. Like there's this woman at work that likes to tell me I look good in a certain color. But she says it no matter what color I'm wearing. I feel like she's just trying to butter me up.. and then eat me.

That volcano in Iceland... I for real thought someone was messing with me the first time I saw the name in print... Eyjafjallajokull just looks like someone started randomly pushing buttons on the keyboard.

Was I a jerk for this conversation... or was the person just stupid. Her: Where do those stairs go. Me: Um... upstairs???.... I mean we work in a two story building, where else are they going to go... I probably was a jerk.

I really don't like when people complain about stuff, but then don't have the heart to stand up for what they believe. For example, at work last week, I had to be the spokesman for an issue that people were complaining about for 2 weeks. You think anybody backed me up when I was talking? I'll answer that... no they did not. They just sat there and let me take all the heat.

How come it's okay for grown arse women to lust after young dudes... but if a man were to do it, he would be considered a dirty old man?

When I scoff at some women's cries of sexism, I wonder if I'm like white people that think Black people cry racism too much. I mean, there are a lot of sexist attitudes in the world, but some people take it too far. A man asking you to smile is annoying... but it's not sexism. People tell me to smile all the time too.

I never listen to the radio anymore, but this weekend in the car with Jameil we had it on. Sweet Baby Jesus... can you make Nicki Minaj stop rapping on everybody's songs please. It was bad enough when Drake did it, but at least he's talented.

Since I went out to the baseball game, it seems like all my other co workers think that I'm going to start hanging out with them too. I've gotten and turned down way too many invitations in the last 2 weeks... Yeah, I'm still anti social. I still don't want to hang out with you. I think the part they are missing is free tickets to sporting events. If you want me to go out with you, you better come with some of that.

This weekend, I found myself telling various people that couldn't hear me that they were too old for the stuff they were doing. Like the 35 year ex coworker who is always talking about being hungover on facebook... Yeah, you are too old for that. Or the people on twitter who are still amazed by random sex facts and naked celebrity pictures... You're too old for that. Or if you are older than me and just trying to make it in the music biz... You're too old for that. I should made an entire post on this topic.

Thursday Thirteen: Thirteen Things I'm Going To Miss About Atlanta

 I don't know if I ever said this on my blog, but I'm going to leaving Atlanta in the fall, provided I can find gainful employment. I was just thinking about the last 10 years in this city, and realized I'm going to miss some things. Here are 13 of them:

1. Big City Living - There's always somewhere to go, or something to do if you want to. You can live on one side of town, and experience something totally different on the other side of town. I really like the anonymity of the big city. Everybody doesn't know you and you can do your own thing.
2. Music - Frequently there are concerts that come here that you wouldn't find in smaller places. And all the big artists come here too. I've seen Prince, Little Brother, Slum Village, Dwele, The Roots, Jill Scott, Tribe Called Quest, Stevie Wonder among others.  I'm trying to catch Erykah Badu again this summer at Chastain.
3.Tourist Spots - It's cool to sometimes hit up the tourist traps when people come to visit. CNN, Centennial Park, Coke Museum etc. I still need to go to Zoo Atlanta and the Botanical Gardens before I leave.
4. Dekalb Farmer's Market - One of me and Jameil's favorite spots. They have any spice, vegetable, fruit or meat you can think of at great prices.
5. Sports - I've hit the big three: Falcons, Hawks and Braves. I wish I would have taken advantage of this more often. Where ever I eventually land, I hope they have major sports there.
6. Eclectic Neighborhoods - Little Five Points, Decatur (the rich one, not the poor one), Grant Park. I like how they are almost like small towns in the midst of the big city.
7. Georgia Aquarium - I love this place. Been several times and would go several more. The big wall of fish and the Beluga whale exhibit just put me in relaxed state every time.
8. Atlantic Station - I used to go more often when I was going out, but haven't been that much recently. They have shopping, but for me, it's just a cool place to enjoy a restaurant or get a drink and hang out.
9. Strip Clubs - I haven't been to a strip club in a couple of years; an amazing feat considering that I used to be the "Kang of the Strip Club" and there are two within 10 minutes of me. But it's cool knowing that they are there if an impromptu bachelor party pops up.
10.Festivals - Atlanta has frequent festivals like the Taste of Atlanta, Sweet Auburn Fest, or The Dogwood Festival. It's just a cool way to spend a lazy Saturday afternoon along with 50,000 of your closest friends.
11. Things Staying Open Late - For real, I can't stand being places where the only thing open is WalMart. I'm a night owl, so I used to just drive around late at night. When I lived in Savannah, if I was out late, it was guaranteed the police would follow me. In ATL, nobody gives it a second thought.
12.The Vortex  - I could have picked a dozen other restaurants, but I think this is the one I'm going to miss the most. The best burgers in Atlanta. An eclectic mix of patrons. I'm sure I'll find a new fave, but I'll sure miss The Vortex.
13. Black People - It's so amazing to be able to see Black people in mass numbers. Black people in positions of power. Black people when you go out. Black people at work. Are you sensing a theme? It'll be a great adjustment going from a majority to a minority.

A Friendly Game Of Baseball

I got a free ticket to yesterday's Braves game from my job. I went with 3 co workers and had a great time. I first got a haircut, then met them over at one of the co worker's house. She gave me horrible directions (meaning she gave me the wrong name of the street I was supposed to turn on), which when combined with my natural lack of a sense of direction had me going all out of my way. When I finally found the place, we went to Fridays for drinks and appetizers. I would have liked to have left earlier since I knew the traffic was going to be killer, but I decided to just go with the flow and not worry about it. I was right of course, traffic was a beast and we didn't get there until the 4th inning. No matter, though. When we got there we discovered that our seats were in our company's suite right behind home plate. We could see everything, and had the option of sitting outside or inside. Even the concession stands were different where we were sitting. One of them had hot dogs, but they were gourmet hot dogs that cost $10. They also had a sushi stand and a pasta stand. I guess this is where the corporate big wigs sit, so it was more upscale. I'm glad I decided to eschew my normal anti social behavior and go hang out to see the Braves beat the Cubs. I had a good time and took plenty of pictures. Here are a few:

The Tyler Perry Experiment

All this weekend, people on Twitter and Facebook have been talking about Tyler Perry's "Why Did I Get Married Too." People are saying that it's a great movie and generally raving about it. I have the well documented opinion that Tyler Perry's movies are garbage. I've not seen them all, but I've seen enough to know that he is a hack. After about 20 updates from my FB friends about this movie, I got fed up and decided to antagonize them. I stated that I "think way too many people on Facebook like bad movies. And yes, if you posted a status or comment about how good "Why Did I Get Married Too" was, I'm talking about you." LOL - I did it on purpose to make people mad. That's the type of guy I am.

Of course I haven't seen the movie and I will not pay to see that crap, but that doesn't matter. I know from his resume that the movie is going to be terrible.What I did do, however, is to watch the first one online Saturday. I was just curious about whether or not I was unfairly judging TP's work. Let's just say, I think I was wrong. Tyler Perry does not make bad movies.  HE MAKES TERRIBLE MOVIES!!!

I don't even know where to start. Should I start with the fact that his characters are all one dimensional? The bad people are unrealistically bad, the good people are unrealistically good. The loud and shrewish woman is unrealistically shrewish and loud. The henpecked husband...  It was just too much. Or let's talk about the contrived nature of the plot. SPOILER ALERT: You bring your mistress to a couples' weekend? There just happens to be a single black character in the middle of a resort town in Colorado for you to find love with? You got VD, but instead of seeing a doctor, you wait til you go on vacation and ask your friend to help youo out? Adultery can just be forgiven because he finally stands up for himself? Really, Tyler Perry? This sounds like a good story to you? Or we can talk about the acting? 7/8ths (especially Michael Jai White) of the actors in the movie couldn't act. Now I don't know if that was because they are bad actors, or because the script was terrible or because TP just can't direct, but there were way too many moments when I was looking at my computer screen like for real? And then there was that old familiar Tyler Perry theme: If women want to be happy, they'd better find a man and pray. And then pray with that man. Let me be clear, I'm not knocking prayer, but it's almost like the characters in these movies aren't complete until they find love with the conveniently placed good single man. Annoying.

I had other problems too.. such as the facial hair on the male characters, but that's really insignificant. Married was just a bad movie. I found myself laughing sometimes, but in a mocking way. It reminded me of the times when my brother and I used to watch bad black movies on Starz and make fun of them the whole time. When I was done watching that movie, it was just reinforced: If you liked Why Did I Get Married Too, you like bad movies. I'm not changing my mind on that one. You can try to tell me that the sequel is better, but really it had no choice but to be better. It's impossible to make it any worse. I've heard all the arguments. Tyler is telling our stories, he puts black people on the screen, etc etc etc.. All that is true. But he is doing that while making terrible movies.

Talking To Ten People That Don't Know I'm Talking To Them

1. Yo, it’s extra gloomy outside today. Why you got on those sunglasses? Is the rain bouncing off the pavenment hurting your eyes?


2. My dude. It’s not a good idea to run up on someone at the gas station at 2:30 in the morning. You don’t know what I’m packing. Lucky for you , it was nothing. But that dude next to me looks like he got a glock. Stop begging.

3. I thought I told you about this before. Can you please stop tooting that thang up? It’s not a good thing to see, especially today when you are wearing a skirt. Cut it out.

4. Why are you speaking in Spanish, but switching to English for the curse words? You don’t know how to be vulgar en Espanol?

5. I can find a lot of things to be upset about with us changing managers, but moving your stuff is NOT really that big of a deal. If you are outraged about everything, then when you need to be outraged, no one will take you seriously.

6. #$*$* #*#*$(# $*#&#* (*@&^&$ *#*#$&*^#$9 - STUPID MOTHER TRUCKER!!! STOP RUNNING ME OFF THE ROAD!!!!

7. Yeah, let me tell you a little something about me. You aren’t going to make me do something that I don’t want to do. You can save your breath on that one. You’ll only end up frustrated.

8. I’m glad you think it’s funny… we’ll see how funny it is when the shoe is on the other foot. I.WILL.NOT.LOSE!!! It’s insulting that you think that just because you are a pushover, I’m going to be one too.

9. Hey, you… Ms. Control Freak… calm that down. You don’t run everything. You may have some pull, but you aren’t going to control whether or not I have napkins in my desk. Get back in your lane.

10. Dude, what is that on your face? Is that blood? Why you have a bloody nose? What are you like 7? Get it together Rashan (Yep, I talk to myself sometimes too.)

Thursday Thirteen: Things I Used To Do As A Teenager

A followup to last week's post: These are things I did when I was growing up in Savannah.

1. Play Nerf basketball in my grandma’s hot garage – It would get to be like 100 degrees in the summer, and seemed even hotter in the garage, but that was my escape from the rest of the house. I would emerge sweaty and disgusting and then go do the next thing on this list.


2. Take hourlong showers - Again, I had no privacy in the house, so I spent as much time as possible in the shower. My grandma had the gangsta water heater. It never got cold. I would lay down and go to sleep in there. I still do that sometimes when I have a headache, but my water heater doesn’t let me stay in there nearly as long as I used to.

3. Play with a stop watch – I had this watch that had a digital stopwatch on it. I was obsessed with stopping it on the zeros… you know. Like 12.00 seconds, as opposed to 12.34 seconds. I could do that for hours.

4. Cut my grandma’s grass – My job was to mow the lawn, and I hated it. The front wasn’t that bad, but by the time I got to the backyard, I was so hot and dirty that I usually did a half job. I also was lazy and only picked up the pine cones when someone made me. And raking the pinestraw up? That’ll be a no.

5. Writhe in pain from migraines – Around age 14, I started getting migraines. I thought I had a tumor or something. They tried everything to make me better. I had a bunch of different medications I was supposed to take when I got a migraine. Then they put me on something that I had to take every day to prevent them. I got shots, they even tried this new age sounding thing called Biofeedback. It was basically calming sounds like the ocean, or nature that were supposed to put the pain out of my mind. I actually felt like they were trying to hypnotize me, and it rarely worked. My only solution was to go to sleep with a pillow over my head and hope I woke up okay. Luckily, I grew out of it, as long as I avoid caffeine.

6. Play football with the boys – That used to be the highlight of my weekend. We would go on campus and play on this big grass field behind the school. I couldn’t tackle, but I was also really hard to tackle.

7. Listen to rap music with headphones – Yeah, at first I could listen without headphones. Then people started cursing all the time, and that wouldn’t fly in that Christian household. Or with my great grandmother, grandmother and mother in the house. So I took my little walkman headphones and plugged them in my boom box. Every 6 months I would upgrade to better earphones. By the time I graduated high school, I had these huge Sony DJ earphones, that I loved and made everything sound crisp like it was live.

8. Sleep anywhere but a bed – I alluded to the fact that I had no privacy. That’s because we lived with my grandma in a 3 bedroom house and there were 6 of us. My great grandma got one room, my grandma got one room, and my mom (and little brother for awhile) had the other. That meant me and my sister had to get in where we fit in. I had the family room for awhile, then switched to the living room. I slept on a cot, a sofa bed, a couch, or the floor. I did this from age 11 until 22. This is probably why I don’t sleep in my bed now, and a couch is just as comfortable to me.

9. Hide from my grandma’s prayer meetings – Imagine the scene… Summer vacation, Monday morning, you are sleeping on the couch. You smell coffee and cinnamon rolls in the kitchen. Sounds like a good way to wake up, right? WRONG. That meant that it was time to gather your crap, fold up your bedding and run to the back of the house before a gaggle of little old ladies started rubbing oil on you, praying in tongues and making small talk about “how big you have gotten.” I used to hide out until it was over, but if I needed water or something, I got sucked in.

10. Watch TBS movies at 1:05 – Remember when TBS used to have that crazy schedule that started all their shows 5 minutes after the hour? During the summer, I used to watch all the C level movies that they showed in the afternoon. Things like “Escape From The Bermuda Triangle.” “Revenge of the Ant People” or my personal favorite “Day of the Triffids” about plants that came to life and killed people. There was also one about giant rabbits killing people, but I can’t remember the title.

11. Stay up all night/Eat once a day – Age 14 or 15 is when I started this horrible path that I’ve been on ever since. I had a dream about someone getting killed that came true the next day, so I stopped sleeping for awhile. Since then, my natural night owl tendencies were amplified, and haven’t slept normally since. And somehow I stopped eating lunch at school, and my mom stopped making me eat breakfast before school, so I started just eating once a day. I haven’t been able to break out of that habit yet, much to Jameil’s dismay.

12. Study my history – Rashan X was in full effect. After reading Malcolm X’s autobiography, and then watching “Eyes on the Prize”, my eyes were opened. I wanted to know everything about the Civil Rights struggle. And what was still being done to improve the Black condition (Black with a capital B is one of the things that I got from my teenage years. I know it’s supposed to be lowercase, but not in my mind.) I learned all about Marcus Garvey, H Rap Brown, etc, and about Africa, and African religions. I just had an insatiable lust for learning about the subject. I NEVER studied for school, but for myself, I immersed myself into Black issues.

13. Watch scrambled PopcORN - If you are slow, take out the lower case “opc” and you’ll know what I’m talking about. Really no need to elaborate on this one. I may seem like a nice guy, but I’m still a guy. And I did all the same things that healthy redblooded American young boys did at that age.

Using Quotations To Say I Don't Like Quotations

“I do not like quotations.” – Rashan Jamal Weldon 2010

For real, I really don’t. With very few exceptions, I’m not inspired by someone’s words that I’ve never met. Or in some cases, I never even heard of. What makes you qualified to be quoted? What makes me want to follow your words of wisdom? For all I know you owned slaves, or beat your wife, or I don’t know, didn’t pay your taxes. Maybe you are a ruthless business man who spouts these so called inspirational phrases to make your employees give up their personal lives. Maybe you like to kick small animals and steal lollipops from little children in your spare time. Maybe, you eat the last piece of chicken and put the orange juice back in the fridge with just a swallow. Maybe you don’t hold the elevator when you see people coming. Maybe, you just plain don’t wash your butt. How I look being inspired by a foul smelling, unclean slave owner???

Nah, but for real, you can get a quote for any occasion. In the history of the world, pretty much anything you can think of has already been thought and said. No idea is completely original. Just because someone else said what you needed to hear doesn’t make it especially poignant, it just makes it a coincidence. And most of the time, it’s common sense. Like that Rev Run and his “wise” tweets. That’s a whole ‘nother post. That dude says the most simplistic things and people eat up like he’s Martin Luther King or something. My face is scrunching up just thinking about it. His “simple words just don’t move me.” – Mobb Deep 1995

As much as I quote hip hop lyrics, you may think that I would like quotations. You would be wrong. I like the way they sound. I’m not advocating that others follow them as life lessons. And I’m sure not taking anything from it other than good music. I was listening to Ice Cube earlier today. He has a line that says “Don’t mess with a chick from the projects.” Maybe I like project chicks, maybe I like hood rat chicks.. One that don’t give a ….and say she take da… Wait, that’s another quote.- Big Tymers 2000 The point being I’m not going to live my life by someone else’s words. You know, unless it’s Jesus. And I’m still working on that.

It’s probably just me being different again, but I could care less what other people have to say about life. My biggest problem is that SOME of the people that post these quotes, are the exact opposite of what they advocate. For instance, someone at work has a quote that says ‘ if better is possible, good is not enough.’ Cool, but she’s mediocre at her job. Another one has the Emerson quote “nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm”. Word, then why are you so lethargic and sullen all the time. I know I sound like a hater, and “I’ll be dat” – Redman 1998, but “It is what it is” - Some guy that likes pissing people off by using that phrase. LOL

Thursday Thirteen: Things I Used To Do As A Kid

 These are things I used to do when I a kid. These are from before I moved to Savannah at age 11.

1. Drink Strawberry Milk - That was my fav drink ever. I used to guzzle that like it was nobody's business. This one time, however, my mom had some liquid dish detergent in a cup (I think she borrowed it from our neighbor.) I made a cup of strawberry milk, left the room for some reason, then came back and picked up the wrong glass. Yep, I drank the dish detergent. I still remember the nasty aftertaste in my mouth.

2. Fight with my sister - We've been cool for like 20 yrs, but she used to terrorize me. Once she hit me in the head with a can of soup. Other times she would randomly hit me or unplug the Atari when I was playing. The worst thing she did though was rip my "Whodini" poster of the wall and rip it in half just to be evil. I was so mad..

3. Be a DJ - My father was a DJ and it ran in the family. He would let me pick the records when I was like 4 or 5. I remember I sent an 8-Track to my grandparents that was in my grandma's garage as recently as 2000. Don't know where it is now. I wrote a post about one party I did with my pops.

4. Flip baseball cards - Me and my friends used to collect baseball cards. A quarter would get a pack of cards and some nasty bubble gum. We played a game called flipping. It was basically a way to gamble. I can't remember all the rules, but it has something to do with matching the colors of the team logos. Whoever won got to keep all the cards. I'm sure I lost many valuable cards playing this game, but it doesn't really matter since I don't know where any of the ones I won are anymore. I'm sure they were lost when I moved to Savannah.

5. Play Atari - I had tons of Atari games and I was a master in all of them, at least that's how I remember it. I can't even pick my favorite games, but if I had to I would say "River Raid", "Baseball" and "Pitfall." Looking back the graphics were terrible, but mind-blowing to me back in the day.

6. Play "Baseball" - Even though I had tons of friends, one of my favorite games was a solo game of baseball. I would bounce a tennis ball of the steps of my apartment and depending how far it went, it would be a single, double or triple. If it went into the street, that was a home run. I also played defense against myself, so if I caught the ball it was an out. What a strange little kid I was.

7. Watch Purple Rain, The Terminator and Police Academy - Those were the only 3 movies we had for our VCR. This was back when I was still young and none of those movies were really age appropriate, but I still watched them all the time.

8a. Get up early to watch Saturday morning cartoons - No matter how late I stayed up the previous night, I had to get up to watch my toons. Even though I watched them all week, the Saturday ones were better to me. I remember Turbo Teen and Mr T were some of my favorites, but I also like the Looney Toons that came on at 11.

8b. Stay up late Friday nights to watch TV - I had to watch Knight Rider, Remington Steele and Miami Vice, then I would stay up til midnight to watch the video show "Hot Traxx." It was the only show that played black videos at the time. Rebbie Jackson's "Centipede" and Stephanie Mills "Medicine" used to give me nightmares.

9. Crush on Ana - My mom was a teacher for troubled kids when I was young. When I was let's say 10 or 11, she brought Ana home. Ana was like 14, and the first girl that I noticed in that way. I never said anything about my crush, but for however long she stayed with us (a couple months I think) I was in luv (l-u-v, not love.)

10. Hang out with my Big Brother - After my mom and dad separated, she enrolled me in Big Brothers to give me a positive mail influence. He was pretty cool at first, until he started dating my sister's Big Sister and forgot all about me. At least that's how I remember it. But for awhile, he used to take me to arcades and stuff. Thanks white liberal guilt for the free video games.

11. Be outside all the time - If me and my crew weren't playing sports, we were riding our bikes all over creation. During the summer, it was nothing for us to be outside from the time we woke up, til the street light came up, only pausing long enough to eat lunch, and play a quick game of Atari.

12. Go to the store for my father - My father was my hero, so if he wanted me to do anything for him, it was done. He would give me money, and I would go to the store to get his cigarettes and cough drops. He ate Halls cough drops like candy. (I found out later that was a cocaine thing to keep the sinuses clear, but at the time I had no idea.) He would let me buy my own candy with the change.

13. Read voraciously - I read everything I could get my hands on. If I wasn't outside playing, I was reading. I remember always being a few grades above my grade level. My favorites were the Encyclopedia Brown books and the Choose Your Own Adventure series, but I read everything. I definitely took advantage of the libraries. It's a shame that I don't read anything now that's not on a computer screen and the only novels I take part in now are audio books.

Monday Mindspacing

I caught a portion of "Freaknik: The Musical" on Adult Swim the other day. A lot of people have been offended by that show. I too was offended. Not by the content, but by the shoddy animation. Seriously, it looks like they hired a couple of third graders and told them to draw their nightmares. It was pretty pathetic.



I used to think that I was a pretty jerky person, and in a sense I am. In fact, I'm known for saying crazy stuff to people's face. But my level of jerkiness is nothing compared to people on Twitter. They take things from jerky, to just plain negative. It almost seems like they don't like anybody or anything.

Speaking of Twitter, I think I don't like the social part of it. I don't want to have conversations with a bunch of strangers. I much rather would just read and never say anything. I guess it makes sense since I'm anti social in real life, I should be anti social online. I'm afraid that if I ever typed what I was thinking about someone's tweets, I would cause twitter beef. A lot of people say stupid stuff, and I feel it to be my duty to tell them it was stupid. Probably best I keep my mouth shut.For example, I saw someone attribute the following quote to Steve Harvey: "Faith without works is dead." Excuse me, that ain't Mr Hightower, that was the Bible.

I'm ready for the NCAA basketball tournament. Go Syracuse! I'm looking for a pool to participate in. I'll do it for fun, but I got 5 on it if I can find one.

I got this DVD of a British TV show called "Worst Week Of My Life" from Netflix on Saturday. I usually like British comedy. It was 7 episodes. After the first one, I knew I didn't want to continue watching, but I couldn't bring myself to stop watching. Jameil was amazed that I spent 3.5 hours watching something I didn't like. I know it doesn't make sense, but I felt like once I started I was obligated to finish. I should've listened to her and to my own instinct. It was pretty stupid.

I need some new jeans, and some new casual shoes. Not sure why I didn't go do that this weekend, but I didn't. Maybe if I talk about it long enough, Jameil will do it for me.

The thing about cleaning up, is that I'll get struck with the idea to do it, but then want to stop almost immediately. Sunday, I used this steam cleaner thing I took from my mom's house about a year ago. It worked really good, but by the time I finished that, I was no longer in the mood to finish. I finally managed to go clean up the kitchen like 3 hours later.

Whilst cleaning, I almost killed myself. I have this giant Foreman grill thing that I haven't used in a long time. I decided to clean it today. So, I'm running the water over the inside, when I suddenly realize that it was still plugged in. Luckily, I didn't get shocked or anything, but that would have been an embarrassing way to kick the bucket.

My job decided that they were going to shake things up and switch all the managers around. I'm am mad nervous that I'm going to get one manager in particular. I got beef with her. She may not know it, but I really can't stand her or what she stands for. I also hate her voice, her demeanor, her tone... you get the point. I find out this week if it's going to be her, and I'll do my best to maintain, but I really think if she tries to talk to me, like she talks to her current team, we gonna have a problem... CUE R KELLY AND RON ISLEY: "Girl I'm bout to have a fit...oh it's about to be some ish" (Contagious)

I've had the hiccups entirely too often over the last two weeks. What the heck is that about? Jameil likes to ask me if I'm drunk when I have the hiccups, as if I was this cartoon character. 



I really need to do something with my Wii. Like get a new game, or sell it for drug money. It don't make no sense that I've played it like 3 times since I got it.

I think I'm going to go back to daily blogging, but this time it's only for me and it is not an open competition. Not a subliminal competition... No competition at all. You hear that, Jameil. Just b/c I'm doing it doesn't mean you have to do it too. This is NOT a challenge. It's just that if I stop, I lose all will to come back to blogging, so I'm going to push myself. Don't know when this is starting though.

And I'm Back...

How crazy is it that I posted everyday for 4 months, then I take a week and a half break? Well, I decided to stop, then I went on vacation. I’ve been in Gainesville with Jameil for the past week. I could have posted, but I just wasn’t in the mood when I had the opportunity to. At first I was going to go back to it, but Jameil was using the computer when I felt like it. Or when I did use the computer, I wasn’t in the right state of mind to compose a post. So, I took a bit of an internet break. I still read facebook, but I haven’t really interacted. I didn’t really read blogs too much and I sure didn’t comment on any. But now I’m back.

So let’s recap the last week and two days…

Went to get my oil changed and wound up having to get an oil leak fixed. Sucked, but for some reason, my car seems to be running a lot better. Probably a placebo effect, but I’ll take it.

Tried some new restaurants in Gainesville with Jameil with mixed results. I also realized that if you are a vegetarian, Gainesville is the spot for you. They are so veggie friendly. Tofu and Tempeh is on a bunch of restaurant’s menus.

Went to an Oscar Party with Jameil’s classmates. Was supposed to be black tie, but mine was purplish. I don’t like award shows at all and I hadn’t seen most of the nominated movies, so I didn’t really care, but it was still cool. Felt crazy every time they showed Precious or The Blindside. It was all in my head, but I felt like I had to be the resident black person in the room. For the record, I hate the whole concept of white people saving black people in movies, so I’ll never see The Blindside. You can tell me it’s a great movie, I’ll never watch it.

Went antiquing and to a Butterfly Museum. That's not gay by the way. I was with my woman. LOL

Ummm… some other stuff happened too I guess, but I need to go back to work now. Pictures later hopefully. I’ll check out all your blogs when I get off tonight. Have a good one!

Taking a Day Off

Lest you think I didn't post b/c I didn't want to, check the timestamp. 12:01 AM. This post was written before the deadline, but I decided to stop blogging so Jameil can concentrate on finishing her film instead of blogging. I know what you are thinking... why didn't I stop a month ago? Well, I was hoping that Jameil would stop being so doggone competetive and let one go. Obviously, that isn't going to happen, so I decided to stop at the 4 month mark. The clincher came this weekend, when I saw that Jameil already had 3 posts for this week completed. It was just going to keep going and going. And sure I could have been the stubborn one (like I was for the last 4 months) but on the way home from work something told me to just stop. Now, I realize that I'll probably have to hear about yet another competition that I lost, but in my heart I didn't actually lose. I set out to blog everyday for a month and went for 4. That's good enough for me. By the way, it's killing me not to post this before the midnight deadline, but I have to fight my urges and let this go or we'll be posting everyday until she graduates in May. Congratulate Jameil on being the more obstinate of the two of us. LOL ! Aretha, Saturday's post does count. There is no rule about what you post, just that you do post, so there. I could have posted an exclamation mark and it would have counted.

I'm a good boyfriend... just wait til you see what else I did for Jameil this weekend. She'll post that on Wednesday. Okay, talk to y'all later. And remember I didn't lose...I voluntarily stopped for love. 

TLC

Jameil got me watching The Freaks and Weirdo channel tonight AKA TLC I remember when TLC used to be about educational stuff, but now it's all about these strange human oddities. 1000 lb parents, 7 foot tall kids, and babies that eat eyeballs. Okay, I made that last one up, but this is getting ridiculous. I can't take it. I have a well documented aversion to midgets, so once TLC started showing the Little People show all the time, I pretty much forgot I had this channel. Then Jon and Kate got popular and that was even more reason for me to not watch TLC, but every now and then I'll be turning through the channels and see the sensational title like "Your Baby Ate What?" and have to check out what they are talking about.

It's always a bad idea. I don't want to see that. Things that creep me out: midgets, conjoined twins, visible tumors on the outside of someone's body. big giant preternaturally large babies... I've seen all these on TLC, so I think I should just block that channel. And yes, if my child had one of these afflictions, I would still love him/her.

The Co Workers Meet Jameil...

Yeah, I'll let Jameil tell you about that one. Read her post for the recap. I'm going to The Vortex for a burger now. Have a great night.

Make It A Pitcher

It's no secret that Jameil and I love Mexican food, so when I got home from work last night, 1st step was to go to get some. I had already did the research. Twisted Taco stayed open til 12:30 every night. I just knew I was gonna have me some margaritas and burritos, maybe some guacamole. So we get to the restaurant and there are cars in the parking lot, people inside. I thought nothing of it. Until it took them forever to seat us. I was wondering what was happening. Then a dude comes by and says that the kitchen is closed, but the bar is open. For real, you close the kitchen at 10:30 and don't close for 2 hours later. Ugggh. I really wanted some Mexican.

We wound up going to Marietta Diner and it was good, but I still really want some Mexican. We looked at a couple online. One didn't have margaritas. the other one didn't answer their phone. Bad signs. We got one more new one that we are about to try. We tried to find it sometime last year, but wound up getting lost. That was a crazy night. Anyway, if we don't find it, we have several different favorites we can go to. I will have a margarita tonight. In fact, make it a pitcher!!!

The Curious Case Of Jameil1922

I can’t wait to get home. By the time I get there, Jameil should waiting for me. I got a three day weekend that I get to spend with her. Then I work Monday and Tuesday, then I get to spend another week of vacation with her. AWESOME!!! I’m starting to think my co-workers have an unnatural obsession with Jameil. They can’t stop asking about her and things related to her. Maybe they think she doesn’t really exist??? Maybe they have a girl crush on her. Maybe they just want to know what kind of woman could actually put up with me. For whatever reason, they are mad curious about her.
So, as I said, she’s going to be waiting for me when I get home from work. The co workers were really curious about that one. “You mean she has a key?” Yes, she has a key. How else is she going to get in the house when I’m at work? “So you guys are serious?” Of course we are, but what does a key have to do with it? “You aren’t afraid she’s going to snoop through your stuff?” No, but if she did, she had plenty of time to do that in the last year and a half that I’ve been leaving her at my crib. “I never even gave my fiancé a key.” Well, that’s your relationship. As I recall, you didn’t get married… maybe you should have given him one. (I couldn’t resist being a jerk) Why are you so curious anyway?

Then later in the day: more curiosity. “Is your girlfriend there yet?” Nah, not yet. She should be there before I get home. “Where is she right now?” I don’t know. I imagine she’s on the highway. “She doesn’t check in with you?” What do you mean check in? “She should let you know where she is. She’s a girl driving by herself.” She’ll be fine. It’s not the first time she’s making that drive. “But if something happens, don’t you want to know where she is?” Yes, but I imagine if something happens she’ll call me then. “What if her phone isn’t working?” What do you expect me to do? Have her text message me every 5 minutes. She’s a big girl. “You should be more concerned. I’m gonna tell her to text you next time when I see her.” Okay. I’ll find out where she is when I go to break. “Tell her I was worried!” I can’t print what I was thinking, but it involved multiple curse words about nosy people.
When Jameil meets my co workers, it’s going to be a curious case. Hopefully they get all the curiosity out of the way so I don’t have to keep answering questions every day at work. Methinks they might be a little obsessed with Jameil.

Picture Post

Leaving My Job On A Snow Day

Snow Day Pt 2

Me on the way to my cousin's funeral

You may want to enlarge this one. Found it on the mailbox at my apt complex.







AND FINALLY... Since she likes to post bad pictures of me on her blog on purpose, I thought I would retaliate

Jameil eating some Krispy Kreme!!!

Hello, Captain Obvious!!

Back in the day before we had a falling out, me and everybody’s favorite blogger used to be chat online all the time. One of her favorite nicknames for me was Captain Obvious. She loved to call me out on the really apparent stuff that I would say, and it became a bit of a running joke with us. I would sometimes intentionally say obvious stuff as a joke. Well, today at work, I had to relinquish my nickname. This dude across the aisle from me totally outdid me and he wasn’t even joking. If he said all this today, I can't imagine the obviousness he spews on a daily basis.


Wow, Memphis is right on the border of Arkansas
Remember that walking pneumonia I had? I really was coughing a lot back then. Remember?
Tiger Woods is the best golferin the world. People are going to start watching again once he comes back.
Dude, Steve Jobs has a lot of money!
You ever been to Canada? They say they have free health care there.
Man, Philly has the best cheese-steaks
Those Republicans are really fighting Obama. They don’t like him.

Hello Captain Obvious! Could you do me a favor and STFU?!?!

Tweek/Old Friend/Tweek

I didn’t have a lick of caffeine today… but I’m tweeking. I don’t know what is going on. I can’t keep still. I’m talking like Vanessa’s friend on the Cosby Show. I’m even typing mad fast like I actually know what I’m doing. What in the world is going on? I can’t get it together. Maybe it’s because it was so busy at work today that I was trying to get things done in an expeditious manner. Or maybe someone slipped some speed in my water. For real though.. I need this to calm down. YO!!! Why is my hand shaking? This looks really weird. And my right pinky keeps twitching. Man, I wish I had some time to self diagnose myself on WebMd. This is really strange. My mind is racing like crazy. I have like 10 thoughts going at once, but the strange thing is that I can comprehend all of them. Man, someone please take this hyperactivity away from me before I have to drive home. I don’t want to be switching lanes all willy nilly because I feel impatient. I sound crazy right now, so let me write about something else.

Am I the only one that gets nervous when people contact you out of blue? Well that happened to me today. One of my ex girlfriends, who works for the same company, but in another state, sent me an IM today. Before I even read it, I was shook. Like what now… Did someone die? Or do you need to borrow money? Or have you realized that you are madly in love with me? What, it could happen! In fact, it’s happened to me previously, probably why I was so nervous. Luckily, it was none of the above. Just a friendly check in, but I’m still waiting for the other shoe to drop. Like tomorrow I’m going to come to work and find an email pouring out her heart. We made much better friends than boyfriend and girlfriend, so I know that’s not going to really happen. At least I hope not. LOL

I just forgot where I was going with that part of the post. Darn tweeking… I think I had something else to say, but now my leg is jumping and it’s distracting me. I need to go walk around for awhile and try to clear my head. Da hell is wrong with me today?

Super Fans

In the limited time I spend on Twitter, one thing always shocks me. How much people stan for their favorite artists. I guess I shouldn't be shocked, since this is a world full of celebrity worship, but the level of obsession that people have is overwhelming. Perhaps it's always been that way, but seeing it all in one place is jarring. Two people in particular get the fans mobilized like no other. Justin Bieber and Nicki Minaj.

There are 50-11 twitter users with some form of Bieber in their handles. Things like Bieberholics or Bieberfan, or Bieberfever. Anytime he does anything, they light up twitter talking about him. I don't get it. I understand I'm not his demographic, so I'm not supposed to get it, but I still don't. Maybe he's talented, maybe the girls think he's cute, but my goodness, the fervor is overkill. Same with Nicki Minaj. Little teenage girls with Minaj in their names. Do they even know what that means? Or emulating her barbie persona. Thousands of girls with Barbie in their name. Now I do know a little something about rap, so I know that she sucks. Her lyrics are garbage, and she isn't all that attractive either. And girls are lining up to get their boobs signed by her too? Twitter is on Nicki Minaj overload.

Since I'm an understanding type of person, I tried to think back to when I was younger. Was there anybody that I just was obsessed with? The closest I could think of was the 1986 Mets. I tried to swing like Daryl Strawberry, and I tried to pitch like Dwight Gooden, which was impossible since I, unlike him, was left handed. I guess I also was the world's biggest Big Daddy Kane fan back in the day. I wanted to rap like him. but he wasn't the only rapper I liked. And then as far as having crushes... I had a thing for Ananda Lewis. But I wasn't going to write her letters or show up where she was to express my love for her. Plus the more I heard her talk, the more annoying she got, and thus the crush dissipated.

I don't know. Is this just a case of me getting older and not understanding today's youth? I hope not. I didn't think that would start until I was at least 50. I thought I still had 15 years before I started talking about young whippersnappers and their triviality. Or maybe I just am cut from a different cloth. I've always been a bit weird, and perhaps that weirdness made me not be a pop culture junkie like the rest of the world. Who knows? What about you? Did you have anybody that you were obsessed with (in a normal way) when you were younger? Or now even? Do you still have a secret shrine to a celebrity? You can tell me. I won't judge. Let's be real. Of course I'll be judging you. LOL

And Now...Rashan Responds Snarkily To A Meme That Nobody Asked Him To Do

I was looking for a stupid little meme to do to count as my Saturday post. As I was reading over it, I started making jokes, so now you have to read them. READ THEM I SAID!!!! Then I realized it was long, but once I started, I couldn't stop.


Do you get regular massages?
Nope, I don’t like strangers touching me. Even if I know you a little bit, you ain’t got to be touching me. That goes for hugs, light taps on the arm, rubbing my back. Lay off the touching.


Do you have an answering machine?
Yes, because it’s 1987 again. I also have a boom box, a jheri curl, some adidas shelltoes with fat multicolor laces and a “You Can’t Do That On Television” lunch box.


What cuss word do you use the most?
*avert your eyes, Jameil* I enjoy the f word. As in da fu..?? or nah, fu that!!! or fu is you talking about? Man, I don’t get to curse enough anymore, since Jameil is a puritan. But don’t let me be by myself…


Are you underweight or overweight?
Overweight, but I’m about to hit the sauna later tonight so I can make weight for my title fight.


Can you see your veins?
No, because I’m a dark skinned African!!! *turns arm over* what are these green things on my forearm?


Favorite…

Soap?
I refuse to answer this question truthfully and say “Dove” because you’ll think the answer to the next question is me…just wait..
Fruit?
I like Tim Gunn. He’s pretty awesome. Oh wait, I mean grapes.
Fish?
Which is my favorite dish. But without the money it’s still a wish. Couldn’t think of a joke, so I used a lyric instead.


Candy bar?
Whatever the sugar dealers at my job have on deck. I’m pretty sure that they are responsible for 72% of diabetes in the Metro Atlanta Area. They always got cake, or cupcakes, or candy bars.

Have You Ever…


Eaten a whole bag of potato chips?
Yes, but I’ve blocked out the memory with the help of a therapist and life coach. I’m working on my binge eating. Now, it’s just binge drinking.


Eaten lobster?
Why do you think I’m wearing this bib? Oh, my drooling problem? Nah, it’s b/c of lobster.


Climbed a mountain?
I don’t think she would appreciate you calling her a mountain. Tall people have feelings too.


Been skydiving?
Since I have an aversion to urinating on myself, having heart attacks and pulling cords, I’ve yet to experience this one yet.


Do You…
Wish you could change something about your life?
Do you mean other than my decision to start this meme?
Like your nose?
Except when it gets dry, or full of mucous. Then I’d be content with being a mouth-breather like Biggie.


Like salt and vinegar chips?
The weirdest combination since *insert obscure pop culture reference here*


Eat salsa?
I feel like if there was a comma between those two words, it would be the way Ricky Ricardo asked Lucy out on a date.
Own a boat?
I used to until it crashed into an iceberg, and started capsizing. There weren’t enough lifeboats, so a bunch of people had to jump in the water as my boat sank. Two of them, Jack and Rose were clinging to the debris in the cold ocean expressing their love for each other. *spoiler alert* Jack let go and drowned.


What Is…


A small thing that people let slide but that actually has dire consequences?
Man, I wish Dennis Kucinich was a Republican. This joke would actually be funny.


Your most macho trait?
I'd have to say it’s watching every episode of Felicity, The Gilmore Girls and Buffy the Vampire Slayer. What’s macho-er than that?


The longest relationship you’ve ever had?
Me and my fake wife have been together for about 11 years. What had happened was… I made up a fake wife to get rid of a real stalker, and we never actually got fake divorced. Fake wife didn’t thwart real stalker by the way. It made her think I was the marrying type. Oh self esteem! Why doesn’t everybody have you?


Your most embarrassing thoughts?
Man, I hope nobody finds out that I actually do like Plies. That would ruin my rep as a discerning hip hop head.
Your most shameful moment?
I’ve only told one person that story and she turned out not to be who she said she was, so I’m gonna hold off on telling that moment to the entire blog world. Let’s just say it involves pajamas, Atari, laxatives, and my best friend looking at me with pity.


This/That…
Bath/Shower?
I don’t like baths because who wants to sit in their own filth. But I do like bubbles, so I started taking bubble showers.


Markers/Crayons?
It really depends what I’m writing. Ransom notes look sinister in crayon, but markers are best for my anti government protest placards.


Pens/Pencils?
I never have a pen when I need one. This is not a joke, just the truth. For real, where do all my pens go?


Jelly/Cream Cheese?
It must be jelly cuz cream cheese don’t shake like that. Unless you put it in the dryer. Then it shakes a whole lot. And probably melts. And makes a pretty big mess… On second thought.. don’t put cream cheese in the dryer.


Bagel/Toast?
I only eat bagels if someone else buys them. I like them, but I never spend my money on them. Sorta like strippers. LOL


Finish…


My greatest weakness is…
My lame right arm.


I wish I was…
I bet you all expected me to say “a little bit taller, I wish I was a baller, I wish I had a girl that looked good I would call her.” And I guess you are right.


Three things I wouldn’t do for a million dollars are…
If there are only three things on your list, then you are more than likely morally bankrupt and have a cast iron stomach.


The oddest thing I’ve ever put in my mouth is…
the number 3 (get it, because it’s odd… corny oh well.)


Firsts…

Credit card you had?
I think it was a discover card. And now to quote every bad black comedian from the 1990’s… wait til they discover I can’t pay the bill!! Ladies and Gentleman, I’ll be at the Chuckle Hut this Thursday. 2 drink minimum. Call ahead for seating.


Loan you got was for?
Educational purposes, you know like painting my car and buying new Hilfiger.


Paycheck was for how much?
Man, I can’t even remember, but I do know that I bought a CD with it. Probably something extremely sucktastic that I still have, but have not listened to since 1992, but would get mad if you tried to take away from me.


Time you had stitches?
Stupid neighborhood watch program forgot to tell me what snitches got.


Time you went to the hospital for something?
To be born, I guess. I don’t know if I went will still in the womb, but then again, I probably shouldn’t start a Tim Tebow-esque Life starts at conception conversation on my blog.


Lasts…


List everything you ate in the last 24 hours?
No, you can’t tell me what to do. The fact that I had a frozen pizza from Krogers and a bowl of cereal is none of your business


What was your job previous to the one you have now?
I was a professional blogger. Meaning that while I was supposed to be working I was on the internet at my desk. Conference Call? Let’s check some blogs. Meeting with H.R. – check blogs on my phone. Employee complaining that I’m not paying attention to him – Give him the nickname Mr. Softee and write about him on my blog.


Last thing you celebrated?
Friday, I celebrated my paycheck by paying bills. Does that count?


Last time you were at a sports bar?
That time when me and Jameil ordered a buffalo sauce burger and they had like no sauce on it. And our waiter who looked like Kevin Federline was trying to charge us for the sauce that was supposed to be on the burger in the first place. Stupid Taco Mac!

Every 90 Days

Every 90 days, it’s the same old thing. Time to change my password at work. It wouldn’t seem to be that big of a deal, but for some reason, I always seem to have trouble.

First of all, the password has to be a specific amount of characters. So even if I have a good one in mind, if it has too many or too little characters, then I’m stuck. Then it has to have at least one number in it. And that number can’t be at the end. For example I couldn’t use jameil1, I would have to do something like jam1eil. That’s just an example, not an actual password, so don’t be trying to hack my stuff. But for real, I find myself having to type like those 1d10tz (that spells "idiots" for the non-idiots) 0n mYspac3 in order to come up with a password that actually works. And I just can’t bring myself to do that.

Instead, I have to think of something that I will actually remember. I have a great long term memory. For instance, I can remember that my phone number from 1983-1986 was 914 425 1464. But my short term memory is shot. Sometimes I’ll just forget what I was doing while I’m doing it. *Insert weed joke here*. It has to be something memorable if I’m going to remember it. I’ve used my favorite rappers, my favorite sports teams, the kids in my family. I can remember those. But I can’t use any derivatives of them again for 18th months. So, now I have to think of random thoughts that pop in my head to use as passwords. And those just don’t stick. I think I’ve run out of passwords

One of the biggest problems with my password is that I always seem to be leaving on vacation when it’s time to reset them. I’m either having a long weekend, or a week long vacation when it’s time to change my password. I shouldn’t use that as an excuse since it does remind me every day for 2 weeks before it’s time, but I don’t be thinking about it until the very last minute. Who knew my procrastination could extend to something as mundane as changing a password. In fact instead of writing this post, I probably should be thinking of my next password since I only have 9 days left.

P.S. Jameil can you stop posting... I'm really running out of things to blog about as evidenced by me posting about passwords. LOL

One Of Those Days

It was one of those days where people, places and things (mostly people) were annoying me. Nothing major, but just enough for me to write about them...

Somebody smells like outside. Like when we were kids and spent all day frolicking in the woods. For real, there’s a new invention called a shower. Can you look into that?

I can’t seriously be the only person that can read in this meeting. This clearly says “manager duty”, so why are you telling us that this is what we are going to do? I tried to tell you too, and you shut me down? For real, dog?

Creepy Security Guard guy: I need you to stop listening to Rush Limbaugh on your portable radio. Do you not realize that you work with 80% black people and we will mess you up if you call us “Magical Negroes?” I’m just saying, this is not the place for you to make your Anti Obama stand.

Is there a reason that it feels like the pits of Hell inside? You are killing me. It’s 32 degrees outside and 87 inside. I’m not saying it needs to be cold in here, but I’m about to sweat up in here. Maybe that’s why somebody smells like outside up in here.

I know you have to talk, since it’s a requirement for the job, but just for a few hours could you pretend to be a deaf-mute. Or not even a deaf mute, just a mute. In other words, stop talking. I hate your voice.

For real, my dude? Why you gonna run like that? Let me back up. Why are you running at work anyway? And if you are gonna run at work, could you make an effort to not sashay whilst running. Why are your arms moving side to side like that? Why you gonna twist at the waist like that? (Nexgrl – You don’t have to answer this one for me. I already know the answer. . LOL)

Ms Cougar Lady, please don’t regale any more tales of your secksual conquests. I don’t believe you. I don’t want to know that much about you. And did I mention I don’t believe you? I’m sure you have a rich fantasy life, but work is not the place to talk about it.

Lent

When I was a kid we used to go to an Episcopalian church. Every year we had to give something up for Lent. It was always something trivial, such as one of favorite toys, or chocolate milk. As I got older, we went to more Protestant type churches where Lent was not practiced as heavily. A couple of years ago, I decided to start doing it again, not so much for religious reasons, but for discipline reasons. I gave up soda, and even today, I don't drink it like I used to. I'll still indulge every now and then, mostly when I'm taking a road trip, but those 40 days made me realize that it was no big deal not to drink soda all the time. That brings us to this year.

Jameil and I are going to give up fast food. It was her idea, but I quickly jumped on the bandwagon. There's something about her that makes me extremely competitive. Yes, I'm aware that is probably not the right spirit to bring into what's supposed to be a religious experience, but being honest with myself and you, that's what it is. I want to prove that I can do the same thing she is doing. Now, this is gonna be hard. I work a 10 hour day, 12 hours if you count travel time and lunch. I usually leave at 10:45 AM and get home at 10:45 PM. Those days, I just don't feel like cooking. It's going to be a challenge not to just stop off at Taco Bell on the way home from work. Hopefully, this will get me eating healthier, save money (although I've mastered the art of getting the cheapest food these restaurants have to offer), and get me to cook more often. And who knows, after getting used to this for 40 days, maybe I'll be over the fast food, like I'm over the soda. Either way, wish me luck.

Fast food has many definitions so Jameil and I defined it for our purposes. Of course, McDonalds and Burger King are out, but we also included any restaurant that has a drive through window. This includes our favorite Mexican spot in Florida. Also, Pizza Hut and Papa Johns, and chains like that count. The biggest blow for me is that we are including Subway and other sandwich spots like that. If you know anything about me, you know I can live on Subway tuna subs, and there's this place in Gainesville called Jimmy Johns that has the best Italian sub on earth. But those are out for awhile. One of two things is gonna happen. Either I'll start cooking more, or I'll have to go to a bunch of sit down restaurants and spend more money. I'll try for the former, but if all else fails, the latter is just gonna have to work.

What about you guys? Do you give up anything for Lent? If so, what?

Wait... I Didn't Say That!!!

 Color Code:  

Co Worker 1, Co Worker 2, Me

"Hey Rashan. I know you won't come but I want to invite you anyway. I'm having a birthday dinner on the 27th."

"For real? I'll try to make it.

"Rashan ain't coming. He's going down to Florida that weekend."

"Umm. I'm mad that you think you know my schedule better than me. I actually won't be going that weekend."

"OOOOHHH, You are gonna skip a weekend?"

"Nah, Jameil will be here."

"Does that mean we get to meet her?"

"I don't know. We'll see what we are doing."

"You have to bring her. We love her."

"ummm...okay."

"I know we don't know her, but we like her for you."

"Thanks. Me too."

"So you gonna bring her?"

"I'm not sure. I'll talk to her.Where is the dinner anyway?"

"Red Lobster"

"Uhhh...yeah, about that. We are food snobs, so I don't know about that.'

"She's bourgie too?"

"Way more bourgie than me. We don't eat at chains."

"Well, try to see if you can make an exception so we can meet her."

"Okay. I'll let you know."

"Hey, everybody.. Rashan is bringing his girlfriend to Tasha's birthday dinner!"

"Wait... I didn't say that.."

Random Thoughts Again

The NBA all star game had 108 thousand people there. I know you want to experience the atmosphere, but for real, what are you actually going to see. If the court is just 94 ft, and you are way up in the nosebleeds, you ain’t seeing nothing. You could have saved that money and went to a sports bar and got drunk.

Does it make me juvenile that I chuckle every time I pass the Withlacoochee (sound it out) River when I’m driving to Florida?

I don’t get how Maury is still on TV. Are people still shocked when it turns out that the 13th dude is not the father?

I’m eating a poppy seed muffin and just had a flashback to that episode of Seinfeld when one of them (I think it was Elaine) tested positive for opium because of a poppy seed muffin. I know it was just a TV show, but I actually stopped eating the muffin for a second before I realized I was being stupid. Also, there are no drug tests, so if I actually wanted to take opium, nobody would know. LOL

I’m working on President’s Day and they are sending us trivia emails all day. I know all the answers, but once I found out what the prize for winning is, I was like, never mind. It’s not worth my time to even type these answers: I already got a muffin!!!

Are we done with Swine Flu? I haven’t heard anything about that in a minute? Is it no longer a pandemic? Is it just a irritation now? Did we overreact to it a few months ago?

I don’t watch much Winter Olympics… okay, I don’t watch any Winter Olympics, but I used to like the luge, the bobsled and ski jumping. I was reading about how in Women’s Hockey, Canada beat the bricks off someone 18-1 and now there is an uproar… The way I see it, if you don’t want to get beat that badly, you have 2 choices: Don’t go to the Olympics or get better at your sport. This ain’t little league with a mercy rule. (Wo)man up!!!

#petpeeve: People who are divorced or single trying to give relationship advice. This means you Steve Harvey. This means you Hill Harper. This means you lonely bitter woman who hasn’t had a relationship in years, but is always talking about what you don’t want from a man. This means you wanna-be player who wants his homeboy to be single so he’ll have someone to go to the club and chase girls with. JUST STOP IT!!!
I’m over going to movies. I’ll just wait for Netflix. I’d rather pay $18 a month and getting a bunch of movies a month, than pay $19.50 to see a movie Jameil and I may or may not like. I don’t have to be first. Besides, movies be coming out on DVD like 3 months later now. I think I’ll just wait.

So, I used to be the biggest fan of the tv show 24.. This year, I almost don’t want to watch. Everything that has happened this year, has already happened in the previous 7 years. I find myself not even paying attention because I already know what’s going to happen before it happens. They need to get that together. My other show “Lost” is still keeping me interested, mainly b/c I have no idea what’s going on and haven’t since it started 5 years ago. Can’t wait for the payoff though.

My weekly FB/Twitter rant: I don’t know why I follow/am friends with some people. They get on my nerves. What does it say about me that I can’t delete them, but instead will continue to read their stuff just so I can laugh at them, or mock them? As Jameil likes to say about me… I’m a bad person (but then again, she does the same thing, so she must be bad too. LOL)