Thursday Thirteen: Darius' Dumb Dating Advice

I knew this cat named Darius back in college that for some reason decided that he was going to take me under his wing and show me the ropes. I don't know why he decided to try to make me his protege, but it didn't work.  Even as a 17 year old freshman, I knew he was full of it..  These were some of the rules he gave me as an incoming freshman on how to deal with college females.

Darius’Dumb Dating Advice:

1. Never take a girl out to Applebee’s… if she asks. If she doesn’t ask, then it’s okay. That’s how you weed out the gold diggers.

2. Never date a girl until you see her real hair. You never know, she just might be baldheaded. You don’t want to go pick up a girl and not recognize her.

3. Never get serious about a girl that smokes more than you. You never know what’ll happen when she’s high with some other dude.

4. Never believe a girl when she says she doesn’t have a boyfriend back home. Just like you have someone at another college, they probably do to.

5. Never date a girl from Louisiana. They know voodoo.

6. Never date a girl with the same major as you. When it goes bad, you’ll still have to see her all the time.

7. Never date a girl with a car. You want them to be dependent on you. They get all grateful when you take them to Walmart.

8. Never call a girl before a week. You don’t want to give up your position of strength.

9. Never return a page on a Friday night. You don’t want them to know you don’t have other options.

10. Never mess with girls in the same dorm at the same time. If you have to, then at least make sure they are on different floor.

11. Never go to the dorms. Make them meet you out on the yard. Gotta make sure your other girls don’t see you.

12. Never date a local girl. I went to college locally at Savannah State, so a good number were from my hometown. The logic for this one was that I could meet them anytime, but its better to get with girls that I wouldn’t normally meet.

13. Never call a girl back that pages you 3 times before you can find a payphone. She’s a stalker, or at the very least needy. This was the only good piece of advice. The rest of it was dumb, misogynistic, and misguided.