Thursday, October 1, 2009

Thursday Thirteen: Darius' Dumb Dating Advice

I knew this cat named Darius back in college that for some reason decided that he was going to take me under his wing and show me the ropes. I don't know why he decided to try to make me his protege, but it didn't work.  Even as a 17 year old freshman, I knew he was full of it..  These were some of the rules he gave me as an incoming freshman on how to deal with college females.

Darius’Dumb Dating Advice:

1. Never take a girl out to Applebee’s… if she asks. If she doesn’t ask, then it’s okay. That’s how you weed out the gold diggers.

2. Never date a girl until you see her real hair. You never know, she just might be baldheaded. You don’t want to go pick up a girl and not recognize her.

3. Never get serious about a girl that smokes more than you. You never know what’ll happen when she’s high with some other dude.

4. Never believe a girl when she says she doesn’t have a boyfriend back home. Just like you have someone at another college, they probably do to.

5. Never date a girl from Louisiana. They know voodoo.

6. Never date a girl with the same major as you. When it goes bad, you’ll still have to see her all the time.

7. Never date a girl with a car. You want them to be dependent on you. They get all grateful when you take them to Walmart.

8. Never call a girl before a week. You don’t want to give up your position of strength.

9. Never return a page on a Friday night. You don’t want them to know you don’t have other options.

10. Never mess with girls in the same dorm at the same time. If you have to, then at least make sure they are on different floor.

11. Never go to the dorms. Make them meet you out on the yard. Gotta make sure your other girls don’t see you.

12. Never date a local girl. I went to college locally at Savannah State, so a good number were from my hometown. The logic for this one was that I could meet them anytime, but its better to get with girls that I wouldn’t normally meet.

13. Never call a girl back that pages you 3 times before you can find a payphone. She’s a stalker, or at the very least needy. This was the only good piece of advice. The rest of it was dumb, misogynistic, and misguided.


Nexgrl said...

Did you find Darius on FB yet, or did he find you? Did he even finish college, or was/is he a professional student?

Jameil said...

lol @ 5. Never date a girl from Louisiana. They know voodoo & they'll be all grateful when you take them to walmart!!!!! HILARIOUS!!!!!

Keith said...

I'm bettin he didn't have a girlfriend did he? I knew a cat like that too..Always giving me
(unasked for) advice on women and I never saw him with a woman.
I figured early on.."I can't be rollin with this dude..I'll never get anywhere.lolol.

Good Post!

Not so Anonymous said...

LMAO @ Applebees=gold digger. And, voodoo...this guy is clearly crazy. I'm hoping his whole perspective has changed, lol.

Rashan Jamal said...

@ nex - I've seen him on a mutual friends page, but luckily no friend request yet. After freshman year, I have no idea what happened to him. He was 2 years ahead of me.

@ jameil - And I had roots put on me from a local Savannah girl. LOL

@Keith - he was one of those self proclaimed playas that you never saw around any women.

@ Aretha - I'm hopeful that it has, but then again I know 35, 40 year olds that still try to play around like that.

Ms. Behaving said...


Yep...this is some dumb datin' advice indeed...

Keith took the words right outta my mouth. I'm willin to bet a few hairs from my eyelash that Darius didn't even have a girl!!

And why is it that SINGLE folks are the first ones to offer you relationship advice anyway?!?!?!

Jameil said...

to his credit, he DID tell you to stay away from those local girls! could've saved yourself some trouble!

Rashan Jamal said...

@ ms b - i don't usually take advice, but from clowns like this, I'm sure to avoid it. He never had a girl as far as I remember.

@jameil - true, true...

Eustace said...

Really effective info, thanks so much for the post.