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Friday, October 23, 2009

The Fourth Time

The first time I was minding my business pumping gas at an Enmark in Savannah. The second I was at a club that I knew I shouldn’t have been frequenting. The third time, my homeboys pissed off a pot dealer.. Each time I felt anxiety, adrenaline, and angst. The fourth time was a little different…

Last night after I got off work, I realized that I needed some air in my tires. The car was shaking a little bit the way it does when one of the tires isn’t properly inflated. I pulled off on exit 261, which I am very familiar with since I used to live out in Marietta for 6 or 7 years. There’s a BP on the corner of Terrell Mill and Powers Ferry that doesn’t charge for air, unlike most of the gas stations in the area. I pulled up, pulled the cord and proceeded to put air in my tires. As I was at the rear driver side, I heard a little rustle over my shoulder. I looked back and saw a black hoodie and black jeans. Before I could react I heard…

“Give it up big nigga.. Don’t look at me…”

And so I did.. and I didn’t. Well, I did sneak a peak, but the gun that he was holding snapped me back in place. I reached in my pocket, slid the money out of my wallet and held it over my left shoulder. And then he bolted. I probably should have looked to see which way he ran, but my brain didn’t think to do that. Maybe I could have stolen a glance at his face, but I didn’t do that either. I just got in the car.. and sat there for like 5 minutes composing myself..

The thing about it, is that I didn’t really need to compose myself. I wasn’t hysterical. I wasn’t anxious. I wasn’t even really scared. I felt like I should be scared, but all I was was calm.. Like eerily calm. Like just smoked a dutch master calm. Like Nyquil after 2 hours calm. Like chilling on the beach calm. I thought that once I went home and thought about it, it would hit me. I thought that I would dream about that gun held sideways like in a hood movie. I thought that it would affect me in some way. It didn’t. I slept like a baby after fighting it for a little while. I woke up refreshed and glad to be alive, but not like I dodged a bullet. It is what it is.

The fourth time was different. I’ve had 3 previous run ins with guns. It’s almost like it’s just a part of life. Me and guns don’t get along, but I’m not stressing it this time. I’m still here. I can’t worry about what didn’t happen, just thank the Lord that it didn’t. Still, I just wish I felt something about it. This numbness seems inappropriate.

9 comments:

Ms. Behaving said...

WOW...It's pretty sad the extent some folk will go for a dollar...

Thankfully, he wasn't one of the trigger happy ones.

Be careful out there man...

Not so Anonymous said...

Wow...your 4th time encountering a gun?? Well, I'm kinda shook for you...at first I couldn't tell if you were kidding.

Whoa, I'm glad you're alright. Be careful on your way to see Jameil...no dark gas station stops :)

Aretha

Desy said...

That is so scary rah... i'm glad you made it thru unscathed and unbattered... maybe ur thought process has shifted now that u've had the previous experiences and u are feeling more confident about the notion of following directions results in no life lost...

or maybe you feel you have lived all the life u need to live and are prepared to meet your maker...lol

and check your tires man! do that business during the day...

Jameil said...

"It’s almost like it’s just a part of life"..... ummmm let's hope not. I'm SO glad you're ok. I'm mad you want to feel something b/c numbness seems inappropriate. How about you let your coping mechanisms act how they wanna act?

Nerd Girl said...

I'm so sorry you were robbed - again. I won't get into any social commentary. I'm glad that you're okay. Be well.

Ginae said...

WOW....sorry I know that's already been said but that really is the first word that came to my mind.

It seemed almost surreal the way you described it. I had to read it again.

I don't know what to think about you being numb. Maybe your really a little shocked and don't realize it? That is a situation you should never get use to. Maybe you were so calm when it happened because deep down your intuition told you no danger would come to you. Like you sort of tapped into the energy of those protecting you and you knew it would be okay..yes, i do believe you were under protection at that moment from God, the Universe, angels, or whoever you want to acknowledge. alright i'm kind of getting in another direction here...

the main point is that you are okay and we are all glad about it.

be safe going to see Jam and don't stop at nite or in seedy parts of town.

Nexgrl said...

Like everyone else, I'm glad that you're okay.

I'm glad you took the high road and didn't try to fight for your money.

Ladynay said...

It's like you've become immune to it since you've encountered it so many times!

Wow!

Like you me and I'm sure others are glad the situation didn't get ugly and that whatever dude got with your money get him in a position where he wishes he never jacked you.

Rich Fitzgerald said...

Glad you didn't get popped.

I wonder if your immune feeling is likened to that of the dude who casually rolled up on you and jacked you. No one is born that hard, you have to turn off a part of yourself to get to that point.

It's a good thing you weren't strapped, it may have turned out pretty ugly. Not that what happened wasn't ugly enough.