Keep To Myself

I get hot, and still be gettin warmer
And I don't have beef with no other performer
Keep to myself never bother another
But if a rapper tries to diss I crush the motherfu---

Big Daddy Kane "Mortal Combat" 

I like to keep to myself most of the time. I'm not the type that's prone to complaining about stuff that other people can't fix. I see it as being the strong silent type. Other people see it as me being closed off. I promise that's not what it is. I just like to deal with things my way. I suspect that most people also do things their own way, they just talk about it first. I choose to eliminate the middle man.Right or wrong, I feel that I'm the best authority on what goes on in my life.

I think it just goes back to my youth. As the middle child, I was always the responsible one. I won't say that I was ignored, but I always self reliant. Nobody had to worry about me doing something stupid. I was steady. It taught me to make me the best decision for myself at the time. I didn't always make the right decision, but I did make it for myself. And I still do that. I don't necessarily seek other opinions. I don't see the benefit of letting other people know what I'm thinking. It usually works out for me knowing that my destiny lies in my own hands.

The one thing that reinforces my keeping things to myself is past experience. On those rare occasions when I have let other people in, I find that people don't come through for me. I'm not the "misery loves company" type. If I come to someone for help, it's because I actually need help, not platitudes or inspirational words. I am my own motivation. I can read the Bible myself. That's not what I'm looking for. If I need advice, I need practical advice, not parables. If I need someone to talk to, I need someone to listen, not make it about them. In my experience, that's what I've found.  I don't know... maybe its me.

Maybe I choose to keep things to myself because my pride doesn't want me to let other people to know that I don't have all the answers. Maybe it's because people in the past have let me down.  Maybe I'm just an egocentric that thinks I know everything. It's probably all of the above. Regardless, I found that keeping to myself works out better for me.