Thursday, September 10, 2009

The Choice Is Yours*

Know you've heard the others, phonies to the lovers
Then of course, the choice is yours

Black Sheep “The Choice is Yours”

Dear African-American Women,
I wanna tell you something that you may not hear too often on the internet. Come closer… it’s a secret..

*whispering* You don’t have to go natural.

Yep, I said it. It is okay to put a perm in your hair if you want to. It won’t make you less of a Black woman to relax your hair. You can even wear a weave if you want. Let it flow. You can rock a wig if you want to. I mean, I personally hate it, but it has nothing to do with me. If you want to do it, then do it. It’s your hair. The choice is yours. Don’t listen to all these spiritual bloggers and faux afro centric poetry spouting incense burning 100% black power preaching “sistahs.” If you want to perm your hair, then do it. You can still be a sistah if you prefer Dark and Lovely to herbs and berries. It’s gonna be okay. It’s not like the police are going to stop recognizing your blackness when they pull you over. It’s not like little old ladies are gonna stop clutching their purse because of your silky hair. You are still tied to your roots, even if your roots got lye on them.

And while I’m on the subject, have you ever noticed when someone asks if they should cut their hair off, it’s only the women that tell them to do it. You wanna know why? Come closer, it’s another secret..

*whispering* - Most men want their women to have longer hair than them.

Yep, I said it. Women see a cute cut, men see a lack of hair. Don’t hate us for it. Just like you have your standards of beauty, so do men. Don’t knock them for it, unless you are prepared to abandon everything that you find attractive. You wouldn’t want to date a dude with a jheri curl, would you? Why? Cuz you don’t find it attractive. Like it or not, it is what it is. Men can be superficial, but we aren’t the only superficial ones. I’m just saying.

And let’s talk about this natural thing. What makes someone natural? Is it because you don’t get a perm? But what about the other stuff you put in your hair? I use coconut oil in mine, but it has other stuff besides fruit in it. Am I no longer natural? If my shampoo has anti dandruff stuff in it, does that make it unnatural? If so, I might as well get a perm! And why stop there with the natural standards? You weren’t born with clothes. Wouldn’t it be more natural to just walk around sans clothes? And toothpaste has chemicals in it, are you going to stop using that too? Wait… I feel like I digressed or something.

Back to what I was saying.. natural hair? It ain’t for everybody. Don’t be browbeat into doing it because all your facebook friends are doing it. Don’t feel obligated to prove your blackness by throwing out the perms. We come in all sizes, shapes, hues and hairstyles. Your hair – It’s Yours. If your happy being nappy, do your thing. If not, then by all means feel free to make that appointment with Dawnquesha every 2 weeks to get your hair did. The choice is yours.

Rashan Jamal

*inspired by reading several facebook comments over the last couple of days where women were looking down on other women for having perms.


La said...

AMEN!!!! LMAO!!!!

I have a friend who has been "natural" for awhile now and I desperately, DESPERATELY wanna tell her that it is NOT. FOR. HER.

DaniColoredGlasses said...

Yea.....abt that.....more women should pause before "going natural" if you look like a hot mess the look isn't for you.

Wifey615 said...

Thanks Rashan! I myself am NOT happy when I'm nappy, that ish takes lots of work to wear when it's like that, and I don't feel fabulous. I am not my hair, but my hair is all mine, not bought in a bag, is healthy and flows down to the crack of my arse; just the way I like it. I get stares and jeers most every day; I'm sure you know the haternation comes in all shapes and sizes. Suprisingly tho, I am getting more and more "what do you do to make your hair look like that?" then I ever have, so I must be doing something right -right? Also, I prefer my daughters' hair permed. When they are able to take care of their hair they can choose to perm or not perm. As for me and my man, we like my hair the way that it is.

Jameil said...

thanks for your permission. i'm getting a perm tomorrow. i know a girl who is not hot w/locs. we're not friends anymore but i still can't imagine ever telling her it ain't cute.

Not so Anonymous said...

LOL@ this entire post. I don't think ppl go natural anymore because they wanna be pro black. I think about 90% of the natural folks do it because it's "trendy" right now.

Anonymous said...

Im glad someone understands that nappy doesn't always mean black and happy and it's ok to have a lifelong relationship with creamy crack.

Ginae said...

LMAO @ this post...I have to agree with you. Au Natural is definitely not for everyone..Some women I see look super cute with their hair natural and then others see look a hot mess. I myself will not apologize for getting a perm. I think for me that look suits me more. Maybe later I'll think differently..But if not that's my perogative like you said. A woman's got to do her, and express her individuality, not what everyone else is doing or the latest trend.

Ladynay said...

Once again I agree with your post. I am a happy nappy by choice and personally love it. Why in the world would someone look or speak down to someone cuz they wear their hair different???? That's just stupid!

Go said...

Coming from a natural haired blogger I should slap your ass! No I'm joking! Well I went natural because I wanted my hair to healthy! Yes I color it on occassions and even with that it's healthier than relaxed and colored. You are right...I cut all my hair off without consulting with the guy I was dating..HE HATED IT! But then again I didn't do it for him I did it for me!



Talulazoeapple said...

I am with Go. "Creamy Crack is dangerous, it's unhealthy. I would love to see some of these commenters sideburns, if they even exists.LOL

That is what a lifetime of perms do. Men of other cultures love AA women with natural hair, black men from overseas do too. It's only AA brothers with this perm/ long hair issue. I wonder why?

This is coming from a natural sister, with a ton of beautiful curls that I NEVER straighten. I never diss someone who does, just don't diss me either.

Anonymous said...

As a chick that in the last 5 years has been natural/relaxed/natural/relaxed and back to natural: IT DOES NOT MATTER!!! Hair is just hair. And YES your hair can be healthy while its permed. The whole point of being " natural" is that one should be okay with there natural hair, not that they HAVE to have natural hair.

Be black, because you don't have a choice in the matter.

Anonymous said...

Okay RAHshan. Good post. I have been natural for almost six months. I've had my conflicts between getting my hair relaxed again and staying natural. Before I went natural, years of relaxing my hair took a toll on my hair and I knew I needed to make a change.

I remember a friend telling me that men like nice, flowing, relaxed hair, but lately, I have been getting a lot of compliments and head turns from men. So that declaration about men and long hair is up to the individual man. I cut my hair for me.

Lastly, I don't knock anyone for keeping their hair relaxed or rocking weaves, braids and wigs. If that's what one likes, I love it.

Rashan Jamal said...

I'm glad most of you got the joke. You can do what you want, just don't look down on other people. It's all I'm saying...

Adei von K said...


i appreciate your p-o-v on women with short hair. i've never heard it that way and you make soooo much more sense!!

yeah, i was a hot mess with natural hair. i couldn't comb my hair and you know that is NEVER a good look