Operation: Stop Being Such A Fat-Arse

Saying arse doesn't count as cursing, right? LOL

A couple of Thursday's ago, my job held a health fair. They did screenings for cholesterol, blood pressure and diabetes. In addition, they did weight and measurement checks. I, like a lot of men I know, ain't really one for doctors. I only go if I'm about to die, which hasn't happened in a while. I even neglected my annual physical for the last couple of years, despite paying $50 sumn bucks out of my check every 2 weeks for insurance. So, basically, I'm a bad person. I get it.

Well, in the days prior to the screening I started getting a little nervous. What if they tell me something bad that I can't ignore. Ignorance is bliss, but once you know, you know and would be stupid to ignore it. I even considered not going, but I decided not to be a punk about it and go get checked. They stuck me and took some blood, and then did my measurements. Let's just say I was a little shocked by those results. I was about 15 pounds more than I thought I was based on the scale in the bathroom in Jameil's mother's house. I was also a lot bigger around the gut than I thought I was. Then they brought me to a little room to discuss the blood test results. My blood pressure was good. I wasn't diabetic, but my cholesterol was high. I can't say that was a surprise, since I really don't watch what I eat and have an extreme love of meat and cheese, but something about hearing and seeing the numbers on paper woke me up.

Since that time, I've been going hard on the everyday working out and healthier eating. I think the first couple of days, I probably didn't eat a single gram of cholesterol. Like I do with most things, I took it overboard. One day I didn't even eat at all, which I know is not healthy either, but I just couldn't figure out what to eat. My personality makes me go to extremes. It's all or nothing.  I started eating fish in lieu of beef or pork. I wandered around the grocery store looking at all the nutritional values of the food I was gonna buy. I bought all the things that I'm supposed to eat. But man... I just really want some bacon, yo!

I can already see results from the working out, but I have to admit, it's frustrating. I feel like it should go more quickly. Don't worry, this isn't gonna turn into an Oprah-esque weight loss roller coaster blog. I probably won't ever mention it again. I just know it's gonna be a long 6 months before I get my cholesterol checked again. I hope I can keep this up.  

Mr. (UN) Friendly

I don't have any friends.When I tell people that, one of two things happen. 1. Either they don't believe me, or 2. they look at me with pity and/or concern. Yeah, it's true. I haven't had any friends for a while now. And please, stop looking at your computer screen with that look. It's okay. Really, it is... It's also my choice.

I used to have friends. 2 best friends in fact. We did everything together. We talked on the phone. We hung out at each others cribs. We had deep conversations about life, love, music...anything. Then they got on that white powder and I had to distance myself from them. Those were my last real male friends.

I had several close female friends. We did everything together. We talked on the phone. We hung out at each others cribs. We had deep conversations about life, love, philosophy ... anything. Then eventually one of us would get in a relationship and the friendship would fall by the wayside. Full disclosure, I was probably the culprit in this one more than the women. But as they say, c'est la vie...

I used to have a very close female friend. We did everything together. We talked on the phone. We hung out at each others cribs. We had deep conversations about life. love, careers....anything. But that love thing got to be a problem. I mean how many times can you go through the same drama with the same man and expect me to care. The first 3 times I just listened like a friend should. The fourth and fifth time I gave my opinions because they asked me to. By the 12th time I was like... I absolutely cannot have this conversation anymore. Either leave that dude or stay with the dude and get over it. You may say that I was not a good friend, and I'm okay with that. I'd just rather be friendless if that's what a friend has to do.

At this point in my life, I'm very comfortable with just being by myself. No outside demands on my time. No having to listen to other people's problems. No pretending that I'm not appalled when they do ridiculous things. No friends. And believe it or not.. I'm great with that. I'd much rather have acquaintances that I can hang out with at work or on the internet and then go our separate ways. It makes life so much easier for me. Except for when I get married...I don't know who I'm gonna get to be my groomsmen.

I don't expect anyone to condone this lifestyle choice. I'm fully aware that it's counter to everything that most people do. But Rashan is weird. And Rashan gotta be Rashan...

Can I Get A...

Living with someone is an adjustment. I've learned that you can't always do what you want when you want. I can't just bring home some food for me, I have to call and see what Jameil wants. I can't just watch my Netflix movies, I have to see if she wants to watch it too. I can't just blast my angry expletive filled rap music all willy nilly like I did when I was living single (In a 90s kinda world....LOL). . Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining...there are just some things that I had to adjust to after years of living on my own. One thing about living with Jameil, she's a lil.... well, I probably shouldn't say it, but you guys feel free to say it after you read all about it....

We can be sitting in the same room, like 3.6 feet from each other and she'll ask me to do something. Like, can you plug up my computer? Can you get me my phone charger out the bedroom? Can you get me a glass of water? Where's my lip gloss?  That's the big one. She don't ever know where her lip gloss is. And somehow it becomes my job to find it. That and her hair scrunchy thing. The longer her locs grow, the more often I'm looking for a little black stretchy thing to hold her hair.Oh, and tissues.. How you gotta blow your nose all the time, and don't know where the tissue is? How is that my job to go find it for you? So, yeah.. water, hair thingy, lip gloss, tissues... What else.. The other day, I swear she asked me to get her a fried bologna sammich... I ain't even know Jameil liked bologna... LOL

Yeah, I think it's my fault b/c I set the expectation that I would do these things. I can't very well stop now can I? Although, I can tell Jameil is starting to realize that I don't always want to get all her stuff for her. The other day, she actually said she wasn't gonna ask me to do anything for her for the rest of the hour. Too bad there were only twenty minutes left in that hour, & I was actually on my way out the house at the time. LOL.

Saturday Night Died

So Saturday, a few of the members of Jameil's Masters program, held a BYOB party. B could stand for bottle, or in this case, Black person. We are always the only Black people there. This time the number doubled b/c Jameil's sister and her friend also attended. Anyway, they threw some food on the grill, and had drinks, and we talked all night. I drank alot for me. Had some wine before I left the house, then like 4 beers and some more wine. I wasn't drunk, but I did have a nice lil buzz going. Jameil and I brought some Italian sausages and chicken to throw on the grill. It was delicious, especially in my drinking state. I ain't gon lie, I inhaled them joints mad quickly.

Fast forward to later that night. I was home sleeping it off. It must have been about 4:30 in the morning. In the midst of my dream, all of a sudden I woke up unable to breathe. I jumped out the bed, scaring the Bejeezus outta Jameil. I started grabbing at my throat like I was choking, but nothing was there. Finally after what seemed like an eternity, but was actually like 15 seconds, I could breathe again - No Toni Braxton.  I threw up just about everything I ate that night. TMI Alert: It was in big ole chunks like I didn't even chew it. Then came the acid. It was straight burning my throat all night, but at least I could breathe again. After 15 minutes in the bathroom, I finally felt like I was not gonna die. That mess was crazy.

Me being me, I had to self diagnose myself.. Acid Reflux. It felt life threatening, but according to all the internets, it's not. I used to be able to eat whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted. I used to be able to drink whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted. Am I old enough that I can't eat late at night? Do I have to pay attention to how much I'm drinking? That would suck, cuz although I know that I'm no spring chicken, I don't need no medical signs of aging.
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Instead of watching Saturday Night Live, I almost Saturday Night Died...

If I Disappeared...

I watch a lot of true crime shows. You know things like Snapped, Forensic Files, I (Almost) Got Away With It. Something about these shows just, well, crazy as it sounds, helps me go to sleep. I know murder shouldn't serve as Lunesta, but it does for me. Anyway, one of my current favorite crime shows is called "Disappeared." This tells the stories of missing persons, and the investigations into their disappearances. The show gets on my nerves b/c it usually doesn't have a resolution, but I still enjoy it. One of the things that amuses me, is the descriptions of the missing people. They are always so nice and sweet. "Janey wouldn't run away. She loves her kids too much to leave them'. Or "I knew Robert was in trouble because he didn't show up to work." But I know that ain't the real. Not everyone that disappears are good people. At least one of them is a horrible jerk that nobody cares about. That got me thinking. What would people say about me if I suddenly "Disappeared?"

Commercial for "Rashan Jamal's Disappeared Episode"

Narrator: On a cool Spring day, 36 year old Rashan Jamal vanished into thin air. This is the story of the days leading up to his disappearance....

"We called and called, but he didn't answer. Of course he never answers, so we didn't realize anything was wrong."

"When he didn't show up for work, I wasn't worried. Heck, you know how many times he No Call No Showed when he was working at the bank?"

 Narrator: Police looked to friends for help on Rashan's whereabouts:

"Rashan ain't got no friends! Who exactly are you talking to?

Narrator: Did Rashan just up and leave or was it something more sinister?

"Rashan always did like to wander. You should see him in the car. He'll just keep driving until he recognizes something. Drives.. Me.. Crazy!"

"He always told me that if he got murdered, to tell the police that Veronica did it"

Narrator: Family is stunned when a vital clue changes the whole course of the investigation:

"When they found his iPod in the woods I really got worried. He didn't go anywhere without his 90s hip hop playlist and he most certainly don't go in the woods.  Something must have happened to him"

Narrator: Can Investigators find Rashan before it's too late...

"Rashan really got a smart mouth.. I'm not saying someone should have killed him, but if you ask me can i see someone doing it? I'd have to say yes...He really is a jerk sometimes...

On the next Disappeared: Monday at 9 EST only on Investigation Discovery...

Back To Blogging

Well, I guess I can't ignore the call anymore. I need to get back to blogging. It's been almost a year, so let's see if I can actually do this. I don't know how many times a week, or how long I'll do it, but it seems like it will be fun again. Shout out to all my former bloggers who harassed me on twitter until I came back: Jameil, Sincerely Go, 12Kyle, Jasmin (whatever your blog is called now) You asked for it, now you gonna get it, for better or for worse. I'll have to find out what you all have been blogging about. It better not be the same stuff I see on twitter, or we gon' have beef! LOL The clincher for me coming back was re-reading my old blogs and cracking up. I'm a funny dude. At least I used to be, let's see if I still have that magic.

So, what have I been up to??? Since the last time I blogged... all kinds of stuff has happened. I left my old job, moved out of Atlanta, had a car blow up on me, started shacking up, was unemployed for the first time in years, got a new job that is 100 times better than my last one, wrote a hit single for Waka Flocka.. wait that last one didn't happen... But there will be plenty of time to fill you in on my life in the coming weeks. For now let me just say, your favorite blogger's favorite blogger is back!!!

Oh yeah....

APRIL FOOL'S!!!!

Or is it??? Guess you'll just have to check back Monday to see if I'm telling the truth or not. LOL