Ellipsis

Compliments are cool... some of the time. When some people give me compliments, I feel dirty. Like there's this woman at work that likes to tell me I look good in a certain color. But she says it no matter what color I'm wearing. I feel like she's just trying to butter me up.. and then eat me.

That volcano in Iceland... I for real thought someone was messing with me the first time I saw the name in print... Eyjafjallajokull just looks like someone started randomly pushing buttons on the keyboard.

Was I a jerk for this conversation... or was the person just stupid. Her: Where do those stairs go. Me: Um... upstairs???.... I mean we work in a two story building, where else are they going to go... I probably was a jerk.

I really don't like when people complain about stuff, but then don't have the heart to stand up for what they believe. For example, at work last week, I had to be the spokesman for an issue that people were complaining about for 2 weeks. You think anybody backed me up when I was talking? I'll answer that... no they did not. They just sat there and let me take all the heat.

How come it's okay for grown arse women to lust after young dudes... but if a man were to do it, he would be considered a dirty old man?

When I scoff at some women's cries of sexism, I wonder if I'm like white people that think Black people cry racism too much. I mean, there are a lot of sexist attitudes in the world, but some people take it too far. A man asking you to smile is annoying... but it's not sexism. People tell me to smile all the time too.

I never listen to the radio anymore, but this weekend in the car with Jameil we had it on. Sweet Baby Jesus... can you make Nicki Minaj stop rapping on everybody's songs please. It was bad enough when Drake did it, but at least he's talented.

Since I went out to the baseball game, it seems like all my other co workers think that I'm going to start hanging out with them too. I've gotten and turned down way too many invitations in the last 2 weeks... Yeah, I'm still anti social. I still don't want to hang out with you. I think the part they are missing is free tickets to sporting events. If you want me to go out with you, you better come with some of that.

This weekend, I found myself telling various people that couldn't hear me that they were too old for the stuff they were doing. Like the 35 year ex coworker who is always talking about being hungover on facebook... Yeah, you are too old for that. Or the people on twitter who are still amazed by random sex facts and naked celebrity pictures... You're too old for that. Or if you are older than me and just trying to make it in the music biz... You're too old for that. I should made an entire post on this topic.

Thursday Thirteen: Thirteen Things I'm Going To Miss About Atlanta

 I don't know if I ever said this on my blog, but I'm going to leaving Atlanta in the fall, provided I can find gainful employment. I was just thinking about the last 10 years in this city, and realized I'm going to miss some things. Here are 13 of them:

1. Big City Living - There's always somewhere to go, or something to do if you want to. You can live on one side of town, and experience something totally different on the other side of town. I really like the anonymity of the big city. Everybody doesn't know you and you can do your own thing.
2. Music - Frequently there are concerts that come here that you wouldn't find in smaller places. And all the big artists come here too. I've seen Prince, Little Brother, Slum Village, Dwele, The Roots, Jill Scott, Tribe Called Quest, Stevie Wonder among others.  I'm trying to catch Erykah Badu again this summer at Chastain.
3.Tourist Spots - It's cool to sometimes hit up the tourist traps when people come to visit. CNN, Centennial Park, Coke Museum etc. I still need to go to Zoo Atlanta and the Botanical Gardens before I leave.
4. Dekalb Farmer's Market - One of me and Jameil's favorite spots. They have any spice, vegetable, fruit or meat you can think of at great prices.
5. Sports - I've hit the big three: Falcons, Hawks and Braves. I wish I would have taken advantage of this more often. Where ever I eventually land, I hope they have major sports there.
6. Eclectic Neighborhoods - Little Five Points, Decatur (the rich one, not the poor one), Grant Park. I like how they are almost like small towns in the midst of the big city.
7. Georgia Aquarium - I love this place. Been several times and would go several more. The big wall of fish and the Beluga whale exhibit just put me in relaxed state every time.
8. Atlantic Station - I used to go more often when I was going out, but haven't been that much recently. They have shopping, but for me, it's just a cool place to enjoy a restaurant or get a drink and hang out.
9. Strip Clubs - I haven't been to a strip club in a couple of years; an amazing feat considering that I used to be the "Kang of the Strip Club" and there are two within 10 minutes of me. But it's cool knowing that they are there if an impromptu bachelor party pops up.
10.Festivals - Atlanta has frequent festivals like the Taste of Atlanta, Sweet Auburn Fest, or The Dogwood Festival. It's just a cool way to spend a lazy Saturday afternoon along with 50,000 of your closest friends.
11. Things Staying Open Late - For real, I can't stand being places where the only thing open is WalMart. I'm a night owl, so I used to just drive around late at night. When I lived in Savannah, if I was out late, it was guaranteed the police would follow me. In ATL, nobody gives it a second thought.
12.The Vortex  - I could have picked a dozen other restaurants, but I think this is the one I'm going to miss the most. The best burgers in Atlanta. An eclectic mix of patrons. I'm sure I'll find a new fave, but I'll sure miss The Vortex.
13. Black People - It's so amazing to be able to see Black people in mass numbers. Black people in positions of power. Black people when you go out. Black people at work. Are you sensing a theme? It'll be a great adjustment going from a majority to a minority.

A Friendly Game Of Baseball

I got a free ticket to yesterday's Braves game from my job. I went with 3 co workers and had a great time. I first got a haircut, then met them over at one of the co worker's house. She gave me horrible directions (meaning she gave me the wrong name of the street I was supposed to turn on), which when combined with my natural lack of a sense of direction had me going all out of my way. When I finally found the place, we went to Fridays for drinks and appetizers. I would have liked to have left earlier since I knew the traffic was going to be killer, but I decided to just go with the flow and not worry about it. I was right of course, traffic was a beast and we didn't get there until the 4th inning. No matter, though. When we got there we discovered that our seats were in our company's suite right behind home plate. We could see everything, and had the option of sitting outside or inside. Even the concession stands were different where we were sitting. One of them had hot dogs, but they were gourmet hot dogs that cost $10. They also had a sushi stand and a pasta stand. I guess this is where the corporate big wigs sit, so it was more upscale. I'm glad I decided to eschew my normal anti social behavior and go hang out to see the Braves beat the Cubs. I had a good time and took plenty of pictures. Here are a few:

The Tyler Perry Experiment

All this weekend, people on Twitter and Facebook have been talking about Tyler Perry's "Why Did I Get Married Too." People are saying that it's a great movie and generally raving about it. I have the well documented opinion that Tyler Perry's movies are garbage. I've not seen them all, but I've seen enough to know that he is a hack. After about 20 updates from my FB friends about this movie, I got fed up and decided to antagonize them. I stated that I "think way too many people on Facebook like bad movies. And yes, if you posted a status or comment about how good "Why Did I Get Married Too" was, I'm talking about you." LOL - I did it on purpose to make people mad. That's the type of guy I am.

Of course I haven't seen the movie and I will not pay to see that crap, but that doesn't matter. I know from his resume that the movie is going to be terrible.What I did do, however, is to watch the first one online Saturday. I was just curious about whether or not I was unfairly judging TP's work. Let's just say, I think I was wrong. Tyler Perry does not make bad movies.  HE MAKES TERRIBLE MOVIES!!!

I don't even know where to start. Should I start with the fact that his characters are all one dimensional? The bad people are unrealistically bad, the good people are unrealistically good. The loud and shrewish woman is unrealistically shrewish and loud. The henpecked husband...  It was just too much. Or let's talk about the contrived nature of the plot. SPOILER ALERT: You bring your mistress to a couples' weekend? There just happens to be a single black character in the middle of a resort town in Colorado for you to find love with? You got VD, but instead of seeing a doctor, you wait til you go on vacation and ask your friend to help youo out? Adultery can just be forgiven because he finally stands up for himself? Really, Tyler Perry? This sounds like a good story to you? Or we can talk about the acting? 7/8ths (especially Michael Jai White) of the actors in the movie couldn't act. Now I don't know if that was because they are bad actors, or because the script was terrible or because TP just can't direct, but there were way too many moments when I was looking at my computer screen like for real? And then there was that old familiar Tyler Perry theme: If women want to be happy, they'd better find a man and pray. And then pray with that man. Let me be clear, I'm not knocking prayer, but it's almost like the characters in these movies aren't complete until they find love with the conveniently placed good single man. Annoying.

I had other problems too.. such as the facial hair on the male characters, but that's really insignificant. Married was just a bad movie. I found myself laughing sometimes, but in a mocking way. It reminded me of the times when my brother and I used to watch bad black movies on Starz and make fun of them the whole time. When I was done watching that movie, it was just reinforced: If you liked Why Did I Get Married Too, you like bad movies. I'm not changing my mind on that one. You can try to tell me that the sequel is better, but really it had no choice but to be better. It's impossible to make it any worse. I've heard all the arguments. Tyler is telling our stories, he puts black people on the screen, etc etc etc.. All that is true. But he is doing that while making terrible movies.

Talking To Ten People That Don't Know I'm Talking To Them

1. Yo, it’s extra gloomy outside today. Why you got on those sunglasses? Is the rain bouncing off the pavenment hurting your eyes?


2. My dude. It’s not a good idea to run up on someone at the gas station at 2:30 in the morning. You don’t know what I’m packing. Lucky for you , it was nothing. But that dude next to me looks like he got a glock. Stop begging.

3. I thought I told you about this before. Can you please stop tooting that thang up? It’s not a good thing to see, especially today when you are wearing a skirt. Cut it out.

4. Why are you speaking in Spanish, but switching to English for the curse words? You don’t know how to be vulgar en Espanol?

5. I can find a lot of things to be upset about with us changing managers, but moving your stuff is NOT really that big of a deal. If you are outraged about everything, then when you need to be outraged, no one will take you seriously.

6. #$*$* #*#*$(# $*#&#* (*@&^&$ *#*#$&*^#$9 - STUPID MOTHER TRUCKER!!! STOP RUNNING ME OFF THE ROAD!!!!

7. Yeah, let me tell you a little something about me. You aren’t going to make me do something that I don’t want to do. You can save your breath on that one. You’ll only end up frustrated.

8. I’m glad you think it’s funny… we’ll see how funny it is when the shoe is on the other foot. I.WILL.NOT.LOSE!!! It’s insulting that you think that just because you are a pushover, I’m going to be one too.

9. Hey, you… Ms. Control Freak… calm that down. You don’t run everything. You may have some pull, but you aren’t going to control whether or not I have napkins in my desk. Get back in your lane.

10. Dude, what is that on your face? Is that blood? Why you have a bloody nose? What are you like 7? Get it together Rashan (Yep, I talk to myself sometimes too.)

Thursday Thirteen: Things I Used To Do As A Teenager

A followup to last week's post: These are things I did when I was growing up in Savannah.

1. Play Nerf basketball in my grandma’s hot garage – It would get to be like 100 degrees in the summer, and seemed even hotter in the garage, but that was my escape from the rest of the house. I would emerge sweaty and disgusting and then go do the next thing on this list.


2. Take hourlong showers - Again, I had no privacy in the house, so I spent as much time as possible in the shower. My grandma had the gangsta water heater. It never got cold. I would lay down and go to sleep in there. I still do that sometimes when I have a headache, but my water heater doesn’t let me stay in there nearly as long as I used to.

3. Play with a stop watch – I had this watch that had a digital stopwatch on it. I was obsessed with stopping it on the zeros… you know. Like 12.00 seconds, as opposed to 12.34 seconds. I could do that for hours.

4. Cut my grandma’s grass – My job was to mow the lawn, and I hated it. The front wasn’t that bad, but by the time I got to the backyard, I was so hot and dirty that I usually did a half job. I also was lazy and only picked up the pine cones when someone made me. And raking the pinestraw up? That’ll be a no.

5. Writhe in pain from migraines – Around age 14, I started getting migraines. I thought I had a tumor or something. They tried everything to make me better. I had a bunch of different medications I was supposed to take when I got a migraine. Then they put me on something that I had to take every day to prevent them. I got shots, they even tried this new age sounding thing called Biofeedback. It was basically calming sounds like the ocean, or nature that were supposed to put the pain out of my mind. I actually felt like they were trying to hypnotize me, and it rarely worked. My only solution was to go to sleep with a pillow over my head and hope I woke up okay. Luckily, I grew out of it, as long as I avoid caffeine.

6. Play football with the boys – That used to be the highlight of my weekend. We would go on campus and play on this big grass field behind the school. I couldn’t tackle, but I was also really hard to tackle.

7. Listen to rap music with headphones – Yeah, at first I could listen without headphones. Then people started cursing all the time, and that wouldn’t fly in that Christian household. Or with my great grandmother, grandmother and mother in the house. So I took my little walkman headphones and plugged them in my boom box. Every 6 months I would upgrade to better earphones. By the time I graduated high school, I had these huge Sony DJ earphones, that I loved and made everything sound crisp like it was live.

8. Sleep anywhere but a bed – I alluded to the fact that I had no privacy. That’s because we lived with my grandma in a 3 bedroom house and there were 6 of us. My great grandma got one room, my grandma got one room, and my mom (and little brother for awhile) had the other. That meant me and my sister had to get in where we fit in. I had the family room for awhile, then switched to the living room. I slept on a cot, a sofa bed, a couch, or the floor. I did this from age 11 until 22. This is probably why I don’t sleep in my bed now, and a couch is just as comfortable to me.

9. Hide from my grandma’s prayer meetings – Imagine the scene… Summer vacation, Monday morning, you are sleeping on the couch. You smell coffee and cinnamon rolls in the kitchen. Sounds like a good way to wake up, right? WRONG. That meant that it was time to gather your crap, fold up your bedding and run to the back of the house before a gaggle of little old ladies started rubbing oil on you, praying in tongues and making small talk about “how big you have gotten.” I used to hide out until it was over, but if I needed water or something, I got sucked in.

10. Watch TBS movies at 1:05 – Remember when TBS used to have that crazy schedule that started all their shows 5 minutes after the hour? During the summer, I used to watch all the C level movies that they showed in the afternoon. Things like “Escape From The Bermuda Triangle.” “Revenge of the Ant People” or my personal favorite “Day of the Triffids” about plants that came to life and killed people. There was also one about giant rabbits killing people, but I can’t remember the title.

11. Stay up all night/Eat once a day – Age 14 or 15 is when I started this horrible path that I’ve been on ever since. I had a dream about someone getting killed that came true the next day, so I stopped sleeping for awhile. Since then, my natural night owl tendencies were amplified, and haven’t slept normally since. And somehow I stopped eating lunch at school, and my mom stopped making me eat breakfast before school, so I started just eating once a day. I haven’t been able to break out of that habit yet, much to Jameil’s dismay.

12. Study my history – Rashan X was in full effect. After reading Malcolm X’s autobiography, and then watching “Eyes on the Prize”, my eyes were opened. I wanted to know everything about the Civil Rights struggle. And what was still being done to improve the Black condition (Black with a capital B is one of the things that I got from my teenage years. I know it’s supposed to be lowercase, but not in my mind.) I learned all about Marcus Garvey, H Rap Brown, etc, and about Africa, and African religions. I just had an insatiable lust for learning about the subject. I NEVER studied for school, but for myself, I immersed myself into Black issues.

13. Watch scrambled PopcORN - If you are slow, take out the lower case “opc” and you’ll know what I’m talking about. Really no need to elaborate on this one. I may seem like a nice guy, but I’m still a guy. And I did all the same things that healthy redblooded American young boys did at that age.

Using Quotations To Say I Don't Like Quotations

“I do not like quotations.” – Rashan Jamal Weldon 2010

For real, I really don’t. With very few exceptions, I’m not inspired by someone’s words that I’ve never met. Or in some cases, I never even heard of. What makes you qualified to be quoted? What makes me want to follow your words of wisdom? For all I know you owned slaves, or beat your wife, or I don’t know, didn’t pay your taxes. Maybe you are a ruthless business man who spouts these so called inspirational phrases to make your employees give up their personal lives. Maybe you like to kick small animals and steal lollipops from little children in your spare time. Maybe, you eat the last piece of chicken and put the orange juice back in the fridge with just a swallow. Maybe you don’t hold the elevator when you see people coming. Maybe, you just plain don’t wash your butt. How I look being inspired by a foul smelling, unclean slave owner???

Nah, but for real, you can get a quote for any occasion. In the history of the world, pretty much anything you can think of has already been thought and said. No idea is completely original. Just because someone else said what you needed to hear doesn’t make it especially poignant, it just makes it a coincidence. And most of the time, it’s common sense. Like that Rev Run and his “wise” tweets. That’s a whole ‘nother post. That dude says the most simplistic things and people eat up like he’s Martin Luther King or something. My face is scrunching up just thinking about it. His “simple words just don’t move me.” – Mobb Deep 1995

As much as I quote hip hop lyrics, you may think that I would like quotations. You would be wrong. I like the way they sound. I’m not advocating that others follow them as life lessons. And I’m sure not taking anything from it other than good music. I was listening to Ice Cube earlier today. He has a line that says “Don’t mess with a chick from the projects.” Maybe I like project chicks, maybe I like hood rat chicks.. One that don’t give a ….and say she take da… Wait, that’s another quote.- Big Tymers 2000 The point being I’m not going to live my life by someone else’s words. You know, unless it’s Jesus. And I’m still working on that.

It’s probably just me being different again, but I could care less what other people have to say about life. My biggest problem is that SOME of the people that post these quotes, are the exact opposite of what they advocate. For instance, someone at work has a quote that says ‘ if better is possible, good is not enough.’ Cool, but she’s mediocre at her job. Another one has the Emerson quote “nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm”. Word, then why are you so lethargic and sullen all the time. I know I sound like a hater, and “I’ll be dat” – Redman 1998, but “It is what it is” - Some guy that likes pissing people off by using that phrase. LOL