Rashan Revisited

Operation: Stop Being Such A Fat-Arse

2011-04-25T00:01:00.001-04:00

Saying arse doesn't count as cursing, right? LOL

A couple of Thursday's ago, my job held a health fair. They did screenings for cholesterol, blood pressure and diabetes. In addition, they did weight and measurement checks. I, like a lot of men I know, ain't really one for doctors. I only go if I'm about to die, which hasn't happened in a while. I even neglected my annual physical for the last couple of years, despite paying $50 sumn bucks out of my check every 2 weeks for insurance. So, basically, I'm a bad person. I get it.

Well, in the days prior to the screening I started getting a little nervous. What if they tell me something bad that I can't ignore. Ignorance is bliss, but once you know, you know and would be stupid to ignore it. I even considered not going, but I decided not to be a punk about it and go get checked. They stuck me and took some blood, and then did my measurements. Let's just say I was a little shocked by those results. I was about 15 pounds more than I thought I was based on the scale in the bathroom in Jameil's mother's house. I was also a lot bigger around the gut than I thought I was. Then they brought me to a little room to discuss the blood test results. My blood pressure was good. I wasn't diabetic, but my cholesterol was high. I can't say that was a surprise, since I really don't watch what I eat and have an extreme love of meat and cheese, but something about hearing and seeing the numbers on paper woke me up.

Since that time, I've been going hard on the everyday working out and healthier eating. I think the first couple of days, I probably didn't eat a single gram of cholesterol. Like I do with most things, I took it overboard. One day I didn't even eat at all, which I know is not healthy either, but I just couldn't figure out what to eat. My personality makes me go to extremes. It's all or nothing. I started eating fish in lieu of beef or pork. I wandered around the grocery store looking at all the nutritional values of the food I was gonna buy. I bought all the things that I'm supposed to eat. But man... I just really want some bacon, yo!

I can already see results from the working out, but I have to admit, it's frustrating. I feel like it should go more quickly. Don't worry, this isn't gonna turn into an Oprah-esque weight loss roller coaster blog. I probably won't ever mention it again. I just know it's gonna be a long 6 months before I get my cholesterol checked again. I hope I can keep this up.

Mr. (UN) Friendly

2011-04-17T20:30:00.000-04:00

I don't have any friends.When I tell people that, one of two things happen. 1. Either they don't believe me, or 2. they look at me with pity and/or concern. Yeah, it's true. I haven't had any friends for a while now. And please, stop looking at your computer screen with that look. It's okay. Really, it is... It's also my choice.

I used to have friends. 2 best friends in fact. We did everything together. We talked on the phone. We hung out at each others cribs. We had deep conversations about life, love, music...anything. Then they got on that white powder and I had to distance myself from them. Those were my last real male friends.

I had several close female friends. We did everything together. We talked on the phone. We hung out at each others cribs. We had deep conversations about life, love, philosophy ... anything. Then eventually one of us would get in a relationship and the friendship would fall by the wayside. Full disclosure, I was probably the culprit in this one more than the women. But as they say, c'est la vie...

I used to have a very close female friend. We did everything together. We talked on the phone. We hung out at each others cribs. We had deep conversations about life. love, careers....anything. But that love thing got to be a problem. I mean how many times can you go through the same drama with the same man and expect me to care. The first 3 times I just listened like a friend should. The fourth and fifth time I gave my opinions because they asked me to. By the 12th time I was like... I absolutely cannot have this conversation anymore. Either leave that dude or stay with the dude and get over it. You may say that I was not a good friend, and I'm okay with that. I'd just rather be friendless if that's what a friend has to do.

At this point in my life, I'm very comfortable with just being by myself. No outside demands on my time. No having to listen to other people's problems. No pretending that I'm not appalled when they do ridiculous things. No friends. And believe it or not.. I'm great with that. I'd much rather have acquaintances that I can hang out with at work or on the internet and then go our separate ways. It makes life so much easier for me. Except for when I get married...I don't know who I'm gonna get to be my groomsmen.

I don't expect anyone to condone this lifestyle choice. I'm fully aware that it's counter to everything that most people do. But Rashan is weird. And Rashan gotta be Rashan...

Can I Get A...

2011-04-11T00:50:00.000-04:00

Living with someone is an adjustment. I've learned that you can't always do what you want when you want. I can't just bring home some food for me, I have to call and see what Jameil wants. I can't just watch my Netflix movies, I have to see if she wants to watch it too. I can't just blast my angry expletive filled rap music all willy nilly like I did when I was living single (In a 90s kinda world....LOL). . Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining...there are just some things that I had to adjust to after years of living on my own. One thing about living with Jameil, she's a lil.... well, I probably shouldn't say it, but you guys feel free to say it after you read all about it....

We can be sitting in the same room, like 3.6 feet from each other and she'll ask me to do something. Like, can you plug up my computer? Can you get me my phone charger out the bedroom? Can you get me a glass of water? Where's my lip gloss? That's the big one. She don't ever know where her lip gloss is. And somehow it becomes my job to find it. That and her hair scrunchy thing. The longer her locs grow, the more often I'm looking for a little black stretchy thing to hold her hair.Oh, and tissues.. How you gotta blow your nose all the time, and don't know where the tissue is? How is that my job to go find it for you? So, yeah.. water, hair thingy, lip gloss, tissues... What else.. The other day, I swear she asked me to get her a fried bologna sammich... I ain't even know Jameil liked bologna... LOL

Yeah, I think it's my fault b/c I set the expectation that I would do these things. I can't very well stop now can I? Although, I can tell Jameil is starting to realize that I don't always want to get all her stuff for her. The other day, she actually said she wasn't gonna ask me to do anything for her for the rest of the hour. Too bad there were only twenty minutes left in that hour, & I was actually on my way out the house at the time. LOL.

Saturday Night Died

2011-04-06T15:41:00.000-04:00

So Saturday, a few of the members of Jameil's Masters program, held a BYOB party. B could stand for bottle, or in this case, Black person. We are always the only Black people there. This time the number doubled b/c Jameil's sister and her friend also attended. Anyway, they threw some food on the grill, and had drinks, and we talked all night. I drank alot for me. Had some wine before I left the house, then like 4 beers and some more wine. I wasn't drunk, but I did have a nice lil buzz going. Jameil and I brought some Italian sausages and chicken to throw on the grill. It was delicious, especially in my drinking state. I ain't gon lie, I inhaled them joints mad quickly.

Fast forward to later that night. I was home sleeping it off. It must have been about 4:30 in the morning. In the midst of my dream, all of a sudden I woke up unable to breathe. I jumped out the bed, scaring the Bejeezus outta Jameil. I started grabbing at my throat like I was choking, but nothing was there. Finally after what seemed like an eternity, but was actually like 15 seconds, I could breathe again - No Toni Braxton. I threw up just about everything I ate that night. TMI Alert: It was in big ole chunks like I didn't even chew it. Then came the acid. It was straight burning my throat all night, but at least I could breathe again. After 15 minutes in the bathroom, I finally felt like I was not gonna die. That mess was crazy.

Me being me, I had to self diagnose myself.. Acid Reflux. It felt life threatening, but according to all the internets, it's not. I used to be able to eat whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted. I used to be able to drink whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted. Am I old enough that I can't eat late at night? Do I have to pay attention to how much I'm drinking? That would suck, cuz although I know that I'm no spring chicken, I don't need no medical signs of aging.
.
Instead of watching Saturday Night Live, I almost Saturday Night Died...

If I Disappeared...

2011-04-04T07:46:00.001-04:00

I watch a lot of true crime shows. You know things like Snapped, Forensic Files, I (Almost) Got Away With It. Something about these shows just, well, crazy as it sounds, helps me go to sleep. I know murder shouldn't serve as Lunesta, but it does for me. Anyway, one of my current favorite crime shows is called "Disappeared." This tells the stories of missing persons, and the investigations into their disappearances. The show gets on my nerves b/c it usually doesn't have a resolution, but I still enjoy it. One of the things that amuses me, is the descriptions of the missing people. They are always so nice and sweet. "Janey wouldn't run away. She loves her kids too much to leave them'. Or "I knew Robert was in trouble because he didn't show up to work." But I know that ain't the real. Not everyone that disappears are good people. At least one of them is a horrible jerk that nobody cares about. That got me thinking. What would people say about me if I suddenly "Disappeared?"

Commercial for "Rashan Jamal's Disappeared Episode"

Narrator: On a cool Spring day, 36 year old Rashan Jamal vanished into thin air. This is the story of the days leading up to his disappearance....

"We called and called, but he didn't answer. Of course he never answers, so we didn't realize anything was wrong."

"When he didn't show up for work, I wasn't worried. Heck, you know how many times he No Call No Showed when he was working at the bank?"

Narrator: Police looked to friends for help on Rashan's whereabouts:

"Rashan ain't got no friends! Who exactly are you talking to?

Narrator: Did Rashan just up and leave or was it something more sinister?

"Rashan always did like to wander. You should see him in the car. He'll just keep driving until he recognizes something. Drives.. Me.. Crazy!"

"He always told me that if he got murdered, to tell the police that Veronica did it"

Narrator: Family is stunned when a vital clue changes the whole course of the investigation:

"When they found his iPod in the woods I really got worried. He didn't go anywhere without his 90s hip hop playlist and he most certainly don't go in the woods. Something must have happened to him"

Narrator: Can Investigators find Rashan before it's too late...

"Rashan really got a smart mouth.. I'm not saying someone should have killed him, but if you ask me can i see someone doing it? I'd have to say yes...He really is a jerk sometimes...

On the next Disappeared: Monday at 9 EST only on Investigation Discovery...

Back To Blogging

2011-04-01T15:30:00.000-04:00

Well, I guess I can't ignore the call anymore. I need to get back to blogging. It's been almost a year, so let's see if I can actually do this. I don't know how many times a week, or how long I'll do it, but it seems like it will be fun again. Shout out to all my former bloggers who harassed me on twitter until I came back: Jameil, Sincerely Go, 12Kyle, Jasmin (whatever your blog is called now) You asked for it, now you gonna get it, for better or for worse. I'll have to find out what you all have been blogging about. It better not be the same stuff I see on twitter, or we gon' have beef! LOL The clincher for me coming back was re-reading my old blogs and cracking up. I'm a funny dude. At least I used to be, let's see if I still have that magic.

So, what have I been up to??? Since the last time I blogged... all kinds of stuff has happened. I left my old job, moved out of Atlanta, had a car blow up on me, started shacking up, was unemployed for the first time in years, got a new job that is 100 times better than my last one, wrote a hit single for Waka Flocka.. wait that last one didn't happen... But there will be plenty of time to fill you in on my life in the coming weeks. For now let me just say, your favorite blogger's favorite blogger is back!!!

Oh yeah....

APRIL FOOL'S!!!!

Or is it??? Guess you'll just have to check back Monday to see if I'm telling the truth or not. LOL

Rashan vs. Rashad

2010-05-25T21:35:00.001-04:00

There’s a guy at work with a name similar to mine. Same amount of letters in the first name. Same amount of letters in the last name. First name starts with R.. Last name starts with W. My name is Rashan. His name is Rashad. See what I’m saying? People get us mixed up all the time. I can’t tell you how many misdirected emails both of us have received. It used to bother me because other than the name, we were nothing alike. We don’t look alike, act alike, talk alike. Nothing other than the name is even close. But then I remembered that there’s no sense in worrying about things that I can’t change.

I’ve known him for a couple of years. We even were in the same training classes as mentors a few times. I didn’t dislike him, but he wasn’t exactly my favorite person. I liked to laugh and joke, and he was more the strictly business type. That’s cool, to each his own. We were cordial to each other, but neither one of us would call the other a friend. Then a couple of weeks ago, I realized that we were more alike than I previously thought. He sits a row over from me and I saw his computer one day. He was watching “24” on the internet. I was like I watch that. Then the next day he was listening to some old school hip hop. EPMD, if I recall. I was like, I like old school hip hop. Yesterday, I heard him talking about the series finale of LOST. Everybody knows that’s my show. Then today, actually, right now as I’m typing this, he’s listening to Foreign Exchange. Word? I don’t know too many people that listen to that (in real life, not on the internet.) This dude is like a entertainment doppelganger. You know, a less handsome and charming doppelganger, but a doppelganger nonetheless.

If you are waiting for some profundity in this post, there is none. Just something I found strange.

Monday Mindspacing

2010-05-24T19:20:00.002-04:00

I wish people on the internet didn’t discover this symbol >. Now everything is >>> than the other thing. Like we need another way for people to express their opinions online.

Likewise goes for the word: epic… It’s overused. Not everything is epic. Some things are just great. Or good. Or mediocre. Especially when used in conjunction with the word fail. Going to late work is not an epic fail. Shooting up the joint IS an epic fail. See the difference?

Man, I watched the series finale of LOST last night and it was epic!!! Tonight I’m going to watch the series finale of 24. I expect it to be good. See what I did there. LOST>>>24, therefore one is epic, the other is not. (I crack myself up, btw)

I don’t like when I take the time to write a long elaborate email and I get a canned response. Don’t thank me for my feedback, answer my questions. I know all about blowing people off, and that’s what you just did to me with your non response. Meanwhile the issues will continue, because you chose not to respond to my well thought out emails. I did all the work for you, all you have to do is forward the email.

Is a manager really supposed to be talking so freely about other employees personal information. I’ll answer that question. No, you are not. I’ve been a manager, and I also know how to read the employee handbook. You are dead wrong for that. It’s none of my business what someone else does on their off time. I need to record this, because I’m sure nobody in charge would ever believe what I say about it. They don’t even respond appropriately to my emails.

I’ve been having the most vivid dreams again lately. I don’t know why sometimes I do, and sometimes I don’t. They are awesome. They feel like real life and so far there hasn’t been any nightmares, so I say keep them coming. One dream I had was of me and my homeboys having fun in DC (pre drug addiction.) It was really fun to hang out with them again, even if it was in my sleep.

Jameil hates telling people I have no friends. I offered a solution. Stop telling people I have no friends. I, on the other hand, love telling people I have no friends. I find it cuts short any aspirations for people to try to involve me in their lives.

I’m really convinced some people just talk to hear themselves talk. For real, nobody is even listening to you. Can you please learn to pick up on the non verbal cues? Heads down, shuffling feet, looking around all point to the possibility that we aren’t trying to hear all that. Stop making it uncomfortable for all involved and stop telling that story about your hospital visit.

I work with a lot of big people. I’m not talking regular big people. Or even really big big people. I’m talking about Walter Hudson, should have their own show on TLC, can’t hardly walk people. It’s strange. I never noticed them until recently, but it looks like Duke University hospital down there. Maybe I haven’t seen them because I work on the 2nd floor and they are all on the first.

I’ve never been one to be all private on the internet. I understand the reasons, but it’s just not me. For me, I learned early on (when I used someone’s real name and they found my blog) that if I don’t want people to hold my words against me, then I should be careful about what I write. It’s like self censorship. I just don’t call people by name anymore. I don’t say the name of the company I work for. As far as my personal life, if it’s that much of a secret, then I won’t tell anyone. I’m pretty open, but let’s be real… I ain’t telling you everything.

Is that guy in Jamaica’s real last name “Coke?” If so, Best…Drug…Dealer…Name…Ever. It’s epic. Totally >>> Tony Montana. LOL

Thursday Thirteen: 13 Odd, Funny or Inappropriate Facebook Statuses I've Recently Seen

2010-05-20T04:05:00.000-04:00

All misspellings are those of the respective Facebook posters.

1. When I'm in love the neighbors definitely know my name & when its REAL LOVE.. the neighbors will know OUR LAST NAME.. cuz its on the mailbox BOW BOW

2. My mother requested me as a friend on fb! I told her I can't except! And my status was at that time "I like it on the dinning room table"! Lol I need to hide my status only my friends need to see!

3. I wonder just how many of my 400+ fb friends actually see & pay attention to my posts : (

4.Wow! This chicks pants are so tight it looks like she has a penus! Hmmm....i know she noticed that before she left the house today! =) LMAO

5. Would it be wrong to take my 4 year old with me to get a drink.... ha ha ha... Lord knows I need one! What a day!!

6. Just sneezed inside my shirt....now my cleavage is wet. Thinking "ummm maybe that wasn't a good idea"

7. OMG Somebody wants me to BLACK THE HELL OUT today!!!!!! These Customer Service Reps better be glad I can't come through the phone on them because THIS "CHICK" would really have me all up in her Mouth Piece. I swear I don't know where the days of Customer SERVICE went....and it's not due to the Recession.

8. my Pimp Game is slippin' I just told 2 different dudes to come to the SAME place I'm gonna be tonight SMH.

9. just saw a Tyra Banks clip on an HDTV so clear, I could actually see the unprofessionalism on set...

10. I made a mistake, and I apologize. To whom it may concern. Im just sayin.

11.Why do they advertise on the bottom of urinals? I'm just sayin

12. Ummm so are colored contacts played out cause I really like Jen's (Basketball Wives)) annnd I think I want some lol !!!! Are hers gray??

13. Ok so I'm in the car with my homeboy and he says "ugh that ni**ah painted his car Gonorrhea Green" Ummm I aint never had it but I'm almost positive it's not green ... Is It??

Avoidance

2010-05-19T03:34:00.000-04:00

I’ve mastered the art of avoidance. I don’t think it’s such a bad thing. You may disagree, but I don’t really care. It works for me. It’s just less stressful that way. For example, if I see a number on my phone I don’t want to talk to, I just avoid the call. Why answer it if I know I don’t want to talk to them? I take it a step further by not listening to the message either. I figure if it’s important enough, they’ll call back or send me a text or just hit me up on Facebook. I know I’m not the only one that does that. I’ve seen way too many people talking about how they only check their voice mail to get rid of the icon at the top of the page. There’s even a Facebook page dedicated to that. Luckily these days, I’ve avoided people so adeptly that they don’t even call me that much anymore.

I do the same thing with email. Some emails I just don’t want to read. Case in point, I keep getting emailed by this girl I went to college with. I’ve written about her crazy tail before, and she just won’t stop emailing me. I mean, do you get the point that I’m not going to respond to you? I could just read the email to see what craziness she’s talking about now, but I choose not to. Instead, I just let Jameil read it. She’s nosy like that. LOL In reality, I’m the nosy one, but I’m not the least bit curious about what she has to say to me. After 3 emails browbeating me for not calling her back, I get the point. It’s easier to just avoid it. I’ll leave the email in my inbox just in case I one day lose my mind and decide to read it, or one day get kidnapped and need proof that old girl is nuts, but there’s nothing in that email that’s going to benefit me. I’ll just avoid her.

Stupid conversations is another thing I avoid… most of the time. I realize that people are stupid and are going to say stupid things. And they try to suck me into it. For the most part, I can sidestep it with a disinterested look, or by just leaving. Here’s the thing. I’m never going to convince them, and they sure aren’t going to convince me. Let’s just agree to disagree, or better yet, not talk at all. Sounds like a plan to me.

Avoidance is not just something to do, it’s a way of life. Why go back and forth with people when you can just not talk to them? Why try to reason with crazy, when you can just pretend like it doesn’t exist. Why try to change an opinion, when you know it’s not going to happen? Like I said, it works for me. Feel free to keep beating your head up against a wall if you so choose. LOL

Tito's Gift Basket

2010-05-18T02:09:00.000-04:00

Thank Facebook for my posting 2 days in a row. I saw this cat I went to high school with under my friends suggestions. Let’s call him “Tito.”

I met Tito back in 89. He was an incoming freshman, while I was a sophomore. We were in chorus together. He was a super talented singer and pianist, having played in the church for years. He was somewhat of a prodigy. The hater in me wanted to diss him because he was coming in all new and stealing my shine, but the realist in me knew I was never destined for stardom in the music realm. Singing was just something I did because I enjoyed it and it got me out of school on field trips. So, I decided that I would take him under my wing and teach him the ropes. There was only one problem… Tito had a major hygiene problem.

You know how when boys become teenagers, they start to develop smells that they didn’t have before. Most of us learn how to wash, and brush teeth, and use deodorant. Tito was not one of those. Me and my chorus homeboys were repulsed by his general dirtiness and offending smell. But since he was representing us, we had to do something. We tried a couple tactics. First, we would just offer gum when we had it, or some cologne (which I know now would have just exacerbated the situation)or some spray deodorant after a particularly grueling chorus dance rehearsal. Tito would never take anything that might possibly lead to smelling better. Then we tried to handle it in a joking manner. You know one of those truth hiding in a joke things. Like “Tito, you smell so bad, you got those brown wavy cartoon lines following you.” He would laugh, but not take it seriously. Finally, we came Mano-a-Mano and just told him straight up. “Tito, you smell bad. We are being serious. You need to work on your hygiene.” It worked for like a day, but then he was back to his old pigpen ways. Me and the boys were just at a loss.

I came up with an idea. I was joking at first, but it turned into something real. I suggested we get him a gift basket with a bunch of toiletries. You know, soap, toothpaste, antiperspirant, shampoo and hair grease (cuz his dandruff was kicking.) They took my idea and ran with it. One of the girls in our chorus class got the basket, and we went to Wal-Mart and hooked him up. I’m talking about brand names. Don’t ask where a bunch of broke high school kids got money for that because I don’t remember, but I do know “Tito” had everything he needed to stop smelling like hot booty, feet and rotting meat. We put it on top of his locker during chorus class (anonymously of course) and couldn’t wait to see what happened when he saw it.

When he saw it… he started crying. Not like whimpering, but straight up boo-hoo crying. Apparently he didn’t appreciate the gesture and thought we were making fun of him. I didn’t even think of that. I felt bad, but not bad enough to tell him it was my idea, so I just kept my mouth shut. I never tried to help “Tito” again. He smelled bad until his junior year when he finally got a girlfriend. She was able to do what we couldn’t. I can only hope that he hasn’t reverted to his old school stinky self although his profile pic looks a little dingy. LOL. And no, I’m not going to be his Facebook friend..

The Wandering I

2010-05-17T04:40:00.000-04:00

My name is Rashan Jamal, and I have a problem. I like to wander. If I go into a store, I will look around aimlessly for long periods of time. Doesn't matter if I have somewhere to be. If I go in, I'm going to wander. Like Friday for instance...

So, I'm on my way to Jameil's after a long day at work. I stop right before the Florida state line to get gas because it's always at least 20 cents cheaper in Georgia than in Florida. I was thirsty, so I go in to get something to drink. Big mistake. Instead of just going to the bottled water aisle and then to register, something told me it would be a good idea to look around. Oooh, look at these interesting dvd players for the car... I don't need that. I wonder if they sell NuGrape, I haven't seen that in years. Nope, just Fanta. How much is the popcorn? Never mind I don't want popcorn, maybe some chips. Nah, I ain't paying 2.59 for some Pringles. Oh wow, look at that dude. Why does he have a perm? And why is that chick dressed like a... Wait, is this dude a pimp? Is he truck stop pimpin? I better update Facebook about this. What did I come in here for? I ended up getting bottled water like I planned from the get go. I can waste some time in the store.

Same night. I got to Gainesville at about 4 AM. I stopped at the 24 hour Walgreens to get some toothpaste. Yes, I could have used Jameil's toothpaste, but I'm gonna need some at home too, right? Sounds like a good reason to go to a store. But where is the Listerine toothpaste? Maybe I just overlooked it. I better look up and down this aisle 6 times before getting another brand. Oh, and since I'm here, I should pick up a Sudoku book for Jameil. Which one though? She only wants the hard puzzles. I can't find that. Let me keep looking. Oh and some gum. But what kind? Oh this is on sale, but it's only 9 pieces as opposed to the Orbit that is 14. Which is a better deal? Oh yeah, I should get out of here, so Jameil can let me in and go to sleep. More time wasting.

This happens all the time. You can't leave me to my own devices, or I shall wander around the store. That's how I wind up going to Kroger for 3 things, and end up with my basket to heavy to carry. At least I don't buy unnecessary stuff. It's just things I forgot I needed until I saw them whilst meandering. Maybe I was an explorer in the past life. Yeah, that sounds better than just being an absent minded wanderer. LOL

Monday Mindspacing

2010-05-03T18:08:00.002-04:00

Y’all kill me with the renaming of departments all the time. Just pick one and stick with it. There’s no need for you to rebrand everything by taking out or adding one word every 3 months.

I’ve only seen 1 ½ episodes of The Boondocks, and unlike every other Black person in the world, I wasn’t impressed. Sorry if that makes you want to pull my Black card.

Jameil’s film was AWESOME!!! The experience of seeing her film for the first time on a big screen was amazing. I’m so proud of her.

Jameil’s graduation, and everybody else’s graduation was ridiculously boring. I don’t want to sit through another graduation until my kid gets his diploma. My sister is getting her Masters this weekend. I hope to all that is holy that she decides not to walk.

I don’t know if you know this or not, but it is NOT a good idea to run across I 75 wearing dark clothing late at night to retrieve anything, even if it’s your bumper. I don’t know how it happened, but it’s not going to help you to have that if you are dead.

I’m not the most social person in the world, but when I was down in Florida for the last 5 days, I was trying. I was making an effort to not be a stick in the mud. I think I did a good job talking to all Jameil’s friends and family. The only exception was with Jameil’s father. I don’t think I even told her this, so my bad, but it was hard trying to come up with stuff to talk to him about. I sat next to him at breakfast and said like 4 words “Thanks for breakfast, sir.” LOL

YO!!! It was dumb hot in Florida this weekend. I’m talking about heat indexes of over 100… in May. I’m so glad I won’t have to go down there in July or August. The redeeming quality of the heat was that I got a little tan and I like the way it looks. It’s like my true dark skinned nature is coming through.

I did a good job of not thinking about work while I was gone. I don’t usually think about it when I’m not there, but I’ve been stressed over the last month. Actually, mad is probably a better word and I don’t get mad. I’ve been dreading coming to this place. It seems like every day is another battle that I have to fight on my, and the rest of my teammates behalf.

The weirdest thing about Facebook is that people I work with ask me about stuff I say in real life. They don’t say anything online, but will save up their questions and ask about it in real life. It’s strange to me. I don’t remember what I was talking about 5 days ago, you weirdo!

I need somewhere to hang out on Cinco De Mayo. Preferably somewhere where I can make it home without getting on the highway. Oh, and while on the subject, I need a designated driver who likes Mexican food, and won’t mind if I drink a pitcher of margaritas by myself.

I need to start blogging again. It’s just so easy to NOT blog.

Ellipsis

2010-04-20T03:10:00.000-04:00

Compliments are cool... some of the time. When some people give me compliments, I feel dirty. Like there's this woman at work that likes to tell me I look good in a certain color. But she says it no matter what color I'm wearing. I feel like she's just trying to butter me up.. and then eat me.

That volcano in Iceland... I for real thought someone was messing with me the first time I saw the name in print... Eyjafjallajokull just looks like someone started randomly pushing buttons on the keyboard.

Was I a jerk for this conversation... or was the person just stupid. Her: Where do those stairs go. Me: Um... upstairs???.... I mean we work in a two story building, where else are they going to go... I probably was a jerk.

I really don't like when people complain about stuff, but then don't have the heart to stand up for what they believe. For example, at work last week, I had to be the spokesman for an issue that people were complaining about for 2 weeks. You think anybody backed me up when I was talking? I'll answer that... no they did not. They just sat there and let me take all the heat.

How come it's okay for grown arse women to lust after young dudes... but if a man were to do it, he would be considered a dirty old man?

When I scoff at some women's cries of sexism, I wonder if I'm like white people that think Black people cry racism too much. I mean, there are a lot of sexist attitudes in the world, but some people take it too far. A man asking you to smile is annoying... but it's not sexism. People tell me to smile all the time too.

I never listen to the radio anymore, but this weekend in the car with Jameil we had it on. Sweet Baby Jesus... can you make Nicki Minaj stop rapping on everybody's songs please. It was bad enough when Drake did it, but at least he's talented.

Since I went out to the baseball game, it seems like all my other co workers think that I'm going to start hanging out with them too. I've gotten and turned down way too many invitations in the last 2 weeks... Yeah, I'm still anti social. I still don't want to hang out with you. I think the part they are missing is free tickets to sporting events. If you want me to go out with you, you better come with some of that.

This weekend, I found myself telling various people that couldn't hear me that they were too old for the stuff they were doing. Like the 35 year ex coworker who is always talking about being hungover on facebook... Yeah, you are too old for that. Or the people on twitter who are still amazed by random sex facts and naked celebrity pictures... You're too old for that. Or if you are older than me and just trying to make it in the music biz... You're too old for that. I should made an entire post on this topic.

Thursday Thirteen: Thirteen Things I'm Going To Miss About Atlanta

2010-04-15T03:24:00.000-04:00

I don't know if I ever said this on my blog, but I'm going to leaving Atlanta in the fall, provided I can find gainful employment. I was just thinking about the last 10 years in this city, and realized I'm going to miss some things. Here are 13 of them:

1. Big City Living - There's always somewhere to go, or something to do if you want to. You can live on one side of town, and experience something totally different on the other side of town. I really like the anonymity of the big city. Everybody doesn't know you and you can do your own thing.
2. Music - Frequently there are concerts that come here that you wouldn't find in smaller places. And all the big artists come here too. I've seen Prince, Little Brother, Slum Village, Dwele, The Roots, Jill Scott, Tribe Called Quest, Stevie Wonder among others. I'm trying to catch Erykah Badu again this summer at Chastain.
3.Tourist Spots - It's cool to sometimes hit up the tourist traps when people come to visit. CNN, Centennial Park, Coke Museum etc. I still need to go to Zoo Atlanta and the Botanical Gardens before I leave.
4. Dekalb Farmer's Market - One of me and Jameil's favorite spots. They have any spice, vegetable, fruit or meat you can think of at great prices.
5. Sports - I've hit the big three: Falcons, Hawks and Braves. I wish I would have taken advantage of this more often. Where ever I eventually land, I hope they have major sports there.
6. Eclectic Neighborhoods - Little Five Points, Decatur (the rich one, not the poor one), Grant Park. I like how they are almost like small towns in the midst of the big city.
7. Georgia Aquarium - I love this place. Been several times and would go several more. The big wall of fish and the Beluga whale exhibit just put me in relaxed state every time.
8. Atlantic Station - I used to go more often when I was going out, but haven't been that much recently. They have shopping, but for me, it's just a cool place to enjoy a restaurant or get a drink and hang out.
9. Strip Clubs - I haven't been to a strip club in a couple of years; an amazing feat considering that I used to be the "Kang of the Strip Club" and there are two within 10 minutes of me. But it's cool knowing that they are there if an impromptu bachelor party pops up.
10.Festivals - Atlanta has frequent festivals like the Taste of Atlanta, Sweet Auburn Fest, or The Dogwood Festival. It's just a cool way to spend a lazy Saturday afternoon along with 50,000 of your closest friends.
11. Things Staying Open Late - For real, I can't stand being places where the only thing open is WalMart. I'm a night owl, so I used to just drive around late at night. When I lived in Savannah, if I was out late, it was guaranteed the police would follow me. In ATL, nobody gives it a second thought.
12.The Vortex - I could have picked a dozen other restaurants, but I think this is the one I'm going to miss the most. The best burgers in Atlanta. An eclectic mix of patrons. I'm sure I'll find a new fave, but I'll sure miss The Vortex.
13. Black People - It's so amazing to be able to see Black people in mass numbers. Black people in positions of power. Black people when you go out. Black people at work. Are you sensing a theme? It'll be a great adjustment going from a majority to a minority.

A Friendly Game Of Baseball

2010-04-08T03:25:00.000-04:00

I got a free ticket to yesterday's Braves game from my job. I went with 3 co workers and had a great time. I first got a haircut, then met them over at one of the co worker's house. She gave me horrible directions (meaning she gave me the wrong name of the street I was supposed to turn on), which when combined with my natural lack of a sense of direction had me going all out of my way. When I finally found the place, we went to Fridays for drinks and appetizers. I would have liked to have left earlier since I knew the traffic was going to be killer, but I decided to just go with the flow and not worry about it. I was right of course, traffic was a beast and we didn't get there until the 4th inning. No matter, though. When we got there we discovered that our seats were in our company's suite right behind home plate. We could see everything, and had the option of sitting outside or inside. Even the concession stands were different where we were sitting. One of them had hot dogs, but they were gourmet hot dogs that cost $10. They also had a sushi stand and a pasta stand. I guess this is where the corporate big wigs sit, so it was more upscale. I'm glad I decided to eschew my normal anti social behavior and go hang out to see the Braves beat the Cubs. I had a good time and took plenty of pictures. Here are a few:

The Tyler Perry Experiment

2010-04-05T04:47:00.000-04:00

All this weekend, people on Twitter and Facebook have been talking about Tyler Perry's "Why Did I Get Married Too." People are saying that it's a great movie and generally raving about it. I have the well documented opinion that Tyler Perry's movies are garbage. I've not seen them all, but I've seen enough to know that he is a hack. After about 20 updates from my FB friends about this movie, I got fed up and decided to antagonize them. I stated that I "think way too many people on Facebook like bad movies. And yes, if you posted a status or comment about how good "Why Did I Get Married Too" was, I'm talking about you." LOL - I did it on purpose to make people mad. That's the type of guy I am.

Of course I haven't seen the movie and I will not pay to see that crap, but that doesn't matter. I know from his resume that the movie is going to be terrible.What I did do, however, is to watch the first one online Saturday. I was just curious about whether or not I was unfairly judging TP's work. Let's just say, I think I was wrong. Tyler Perry does not make bad movies. HE MAKES TERRIBLE MOVIES!!!

I don't even know where to start. Should I start with the fact that his characters are all one dimensional? The bad people are unrealistically bad, the good people are unrealistically good. The loud and shrewish woman is unrealistically shrewish and loud. The henpecked husband... It was just too much. Or let's talk about the contrived nature of the plot. SPOILER ALERT: You bring your mistress to a couples' weekend? There just happens to be a single black character in the middle of a resort town in Colorado for you to find love with? You got VD, but instead of seeing a doctor, you wait til you go on vacation and ask your friend to help youo out? Adultery can just be forgiven because he finally stands up for himself? Really, Tyler Perry? This sounds like a good story to you? Or we can talk about the acting? 7/8ths (especially Michael Jai White) of the actors in the movie couldn't act. Now I don't know if that was because they are bad actors, or because the script was terrible or because TP just can't direct, but there were way too many moments when I was looking at my computer screen like for real? And then there was that old familiar Tyler Perry theme: If women want to be happy, they'd better find a man and pray. And then pray with that man. Let me be clear, I'm not knocking prayer, but it's almost like the characters in these movies aren't complete until they find love with the conveniently placed good single man. Annoying.

I had other problems too.. such as the facial hair on the male characters, but that's really insignificant. Married was just a bad movie. I found myself laughing sometimes, but in a mocking way. It reminded me of the times when my brother and I used to watch bad black movies on Starz and make fun of them the whole time. When I was done watching that movie, it was just reinforced: If you liked Why Did I Get Married Too, you like bad movies. I'm not changing my mind on that one. You can try to tell me that the sequel is better, but really it had no choice but to be better. It's impossible to make it any worse. I've heard all the arguments. Tyler is telling our stories, he puts black people on the screen, etc etc etc.. All that is true. But he is doing that while making terrible movies.

Talking To Ten People That Don't Know I'm Talking To Them

2010-03-29T21:03:00.000-04:00

1. Yo, it’s extra gloomy outside today. Why you got on those sunglasses? Is the rain bouncing off the pavenment hurting your eyes?

2. My dude. It’s not a good idea to run up on someone at the gas station at 2:30 in the morning. You don’t know what I’m packing. Lucky for you , it was nothing. But that dude next to me looks like he got a glock. Stop begging.

3. I thought I told you about this before. Can you please stop tooting that thang up? It’s not a good thing to see, especially today when you are wearing a skirt. Cut it out.

4. Why are you speaking in Spanish, but switching to English for the curse words? You don’t know how to be vulgar en Espanol?

5. I can find a lot of things to be upset about with us changing managers, but moving your stuff is NOT really that big of a deal. If you are outraged about everything, then when you need to be outraged, no one will take you seriously.

6. #$*$* #*#*$(# $*#&#* (*@&^&$ *#*#$&*^#$9 - STUPID MOTHER TRUCKER!!! STOP RUNNING ME OFF THE ROAD!!!!

7. Yeah, let me tell you a little something about me. You aren’t going to make me do something that I don’t want to do. You can save your breath on that one. You’ll only end up frustrated.

8. I’m glad you think it’s funny… we’ll see how funny it is when the shoe is on the other foot. I.WILL.NOT.LOSE!!! It’s insulting that you think that just because you are a pushover, I’m going to be one too.

9. Hey, you… Ms. Control Freak… calm that down. You don’t run everything. You may have some pull, but you aren’t going to control whether or not I have napkins in my desk. Get back in your lane.

10. Dude, what is that on your face? Is that blood? Why you have a bloody nose? What are you like 7? Get it together Rashan (Yep, I talk to myself sometimes too.)

Thursday Thirteen: Things I Used To Do As A Teenager

2010-03-25T18:54:00.001-04:00

A followup to last week's post: These are things I did when I was growing up in Savannah.

1. Play Nerf basketball in my grandma’s hot garage – It would get to be like 100 degrees in the summer, and seemed even hotter in the garage, but that was my escape from the rest of the house. I would emerge sweaty and disgusting and then go do the next thing on this list.

2. Take hourlong showers - Again, I had no privacy in the house, so I spent as much time as possible in the shower. My grandma had the gangsta water heater. It never got cold. I would lay down and go to sleep in there. I still do that sometimes when I have a headache, but my water heater doesn’t let me stay in there nearly as long as I used to.

3. Play with a stop watch – I had this watch that had a digital stopwatch on it. I was obsessed with stopping it on the zeros… you know. Like 12.00 seconds, as opposed to 12.34 seconds. I could do that for hours.

4. Cut my grandma’s grass – My job was to mow the lawn, and I hated it. The front wasn’t that bad, but by the time I got to the backyard, I was so hot and dirty that I usually did a half job. I also was lazy and only picked up the pine cones when someone made me. And raking the pinestraw up? That’ll be a no.

5. Writhe in pain from migraines – Around age 14, I started getting migraines. I thought I had a tumor or something. They tried everything to make me better. I had a bunch of different medications I was supposed to take when I got a migraine. Then they put me on something that I had to take every day to prevent them. I got shots, they even tried this new age sounding thing called Biofeedback. It was basically calming sounds like the ocean, or nature that were supposed to put the pain out of my mind. I actually felt like they were trying to hypnotize me, and it rarely worked. My only solution was to go to sleep with a pillow over my head and hope I woke up okay. Luckily, I grew out of it, as long as I avoid caffeine.

6. Play football with the boys – That used to be the highlight of my weekend. We would go on campus and play on this big grass field behind the school. I couldn’t tackle, but I was also really hard to tackle.

7. Listen to rap music with headphones – Yeah, at first I could listen without headphones. Then people started cursing all the time, and that wouldn’t fly in that Christian household. Or with my great grandmother, grandmother and mother in the house. So I took my little walkman headphones and plugged them in my boom box. Every 6 months I would upgrade to better earphones. By the time I graduated high school, I had these huge Sony DJ earphones, that I loved and made everything sound crisp like it was live.

8. Sleep anywhere but a bed – I alluded to the fact that I had no privacy. That’s because we lived with my grandma in a 3 bedroom house and there were 6 of us. My great grandma got one room, my grandma got one room, and my mom (and little brother for awhile) had the other. That meant me and my sister had to get in where we fit in. I had the family room for awhile, then switched to the living room. I slept on a cot, a sofa bed, a couch, or the floor. I did this from age 11 until 22. This is probably why I don’t sleep in my bed now, and a couch is just as comfortable to me.

9. Hide from my grandma’s prayer meetings – Imagine the scene… Summer vacation, Monday morning, you are sleeping on the couch. You smell coffee and cinnamon rolls in the kitchen. Sounds like a good way to wake up, right? WRONG. That meant that it was time to gather your crap, fold up your bedding and run to the back of the house before a gaggle of little old ladies started rubbing oil on you, praying in tongues and making small talk about “how big you have gotten.” I used to hide out until it was over, but if I needed water or something, I got sucked in.

10. Watch TBS movies at 1:05 – Remember when TBS used to have that crazy schedule that started all their shows 5 minutes after the hour? During the summer, I used to watch all the C level movies that they showed in the afternoon. Things like “Escape From The Bermuda Triangle.” “Revenge of the Ant People” or my personal favorite “Day of the Triffids” about plants that came to life and killed people. There was also one about giant rabbits killing people, but I can’t remember the title.

11. Stay up all night/Eat once a day – Age 14 or 15 is when I started this horrible path that I’ve been on ever since. I had a dream about someone getting killed that came true the next day, so I stopped sleeping for awhile. Since then, my natural night owl tendencies were amplified, and haven’t slept normally since. And somehow I stopped eating lunch at school, and my mom stopped making me eat breakfast before school, so I started just eating once a day. I haven’t been able to break out of that habit yet, much to Jameil’s dismay.

12. Study my history – Rashan X was in full effect. After reading Malcolm X’s autobiography, and then watching “Eyes on the Prize”, my eyes were opened. I wanted to know everything about the Civil Rights struggle. And what was still being done to improve the Black condition (Black with a capital B is one of the things that I got from my teenage years. I know it’s supposed to be lowercase, but not in my mind.) I learned all about Marcus Garvey, H Rap Brown, etc, and about Africa, and African religions. I just had an insatiable lust for learning about the subject. I NEVER studied for school, but for myself, I immersed myself into Black issues.

13. Watch scrambled PopcORN - If you are slow, take out the lower case “opc” and you’ll know what I’m talking about. Really no need to elaborate on this one. I may seem like a nice guy, but I’m still a guy. And I did all the same things that healthy redblooded American young boys did at that age.

Using Quotations To Say I Don't Like Quotations

2010-03-20T15:49:00.000-04:00

“I do not like quotations.” – Rashan Jamal Weldon 2010

For real, I really don’t. With very few exceptions, I’m not inspired by someone’s words that I’ve never met. Or in some cases, I never even heard of. What makes you qualified to be quoted? What makes me want to follow your words of wisdom? For all I know you owned slaves, or beat your wife, or I don’t know, didn’t pay your taxes. Maybe you are a ruthless business man who spouts these so called inspirational phrases to make your employees give up their personal lives. Maybe you like to kick small animals and steal lollipops from little children in your spare time. Maybe, you eat the last piece of chicken and put the orange juice back in the fridge with just a swallow. Maybe you don’t hold the elevator when you see people coming. Maybe, you just plain don’t wash your butt. How I look being inspired by a foul smelling, unclean slave owner???

Nah, but for real, you can get a quote for any occasion. In the history of the world, pretty much anything you can think of has already been thought and said. No idea is completely original. Just because someone else said what you needed to hear doesn’t make it especially poignant, it just makes it a coincidence. And most of the time, it’s common sense. Like that Rev Run and his “wise” tweets. That’s a whole ‘nother post. That dude says the most simplistic things and people eat up like he’s Martin Luther King or something. My face is scrunching up just thinking about it. His “simple words just don’t move me.” – Mobb Deep 1995

As much as I quote hip hop lyrics, you may think that I would like quotations. You would be wrong. I like the way they sound. I’m not advocating that others follow them as life lessons. And I’m sure not taking anything from it other than good music. I was listening to Ice Cube earlier today. He has a line that says “Don’t mess with a chick from the projects.” Maybe I like project chicks, maybe I like hood rat chicks.. One that don’t give a ….and say she take da… Wait, that’s another quote.- Big Tymers 2000 The point being I’m not going to live my life by someone else’s words. You know, unless it’s Jesus. And I’m still working on that.

It’s probably just me being different again, but I could care less what other people have to say about life. My biggest problem is that SOME of the people that post these quotes, are the exact opposite of what they advocate. For instance, someone at work has a quote that says ‘ if better is possible, good is not enough.’ Cool, but she’s mediocre at her job. Another one has the Emerson quote “nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm”. Word, then why are you so lethargic and sullen all the time. I know I sound like a hater, and “I’ll be dat” – Redman 1998, but “It is what it is” - Some guy that likes pissing people off by using that phrase. LOL

Thursday Thirteen: Things I Used To Do As A Kid

2010-03-18T04:54:00.000-04:00

These are things I used to do when I a kid. These are from before I moved to Savannah at age 11.

1. Drink Strawberry Milk - That was my fav drink ever. I used to guzzle that like it was nobody's business. This one time, however, my mom had some liquid dish detergent in a cup (I think she borrowed it from our neighbor.) I made a cup of strawberry milk, left the room for some reason, then came back and picked up the wrong glass. Yep, I drank the dish detergent. I still remember the nasty aftertaste in my mouth.

2. Fight with my sister - We've been cool for like 20 yrs, but she used to terrorize me. Once she hit me in the head with a can of soup. Other times she would randomly hit me or unplug the Atari when I was playing. The worst thing she did though was rip my "Whodini" poster of the wall and rip it in half just to be evil. I was so mad..

3. Be a DJ - My father was a DJ and it ran in the family. He would let me pick the records when I was like 4 or 5. I remember I sent an 8-Track to my grandparents that was in my grandma's garage as recently as 2000. Don't know where it is now. I wrote a post about one party I did with my pops.

4. Flip baseball cards - Me and my friends used to collect baseball cards. A quarter would get a pack of cards and some nasty bubble gum. We played a game called flipping. It was basically a way to gamble. I can't remember all the rules, but it has something to do with matching the colors of the team logos. Whoever won got to keep all the cards. I'm sure I lost many valuable cards playing this game, but it doesn't really matter since I don't know where any of the ones I won are anymore. I'm sure they were lost when I moved to Savannah.

5. Play Atari - I had tons of Atari games and I was a master in all of them, at least that's how I remember it. I can't even pick my favorite games, but if I had to I would say "River Raid", "Baseball" and "Pitfall." Looking back the graphics were terrible, but mind-blowing to me back in the day.

6. Play "Baseball" - Even though I had tons of friends, one of my favorite games was a solo game of baseball. I would bounce a tennis ball of the steps of my apartment and depending how far it went, it would be a single, double or triple. If it went into the street, that was a home run. I also played defense against myself, so if I caught the ball it was an out. What a strange little kid I was.

7. Watch Purple Rain, The Terminator and Police Academy - Those were the only 3 movies we had for our VCR. This was back when I was still young and none of those movies were really age appropriate, but I still watched them all the time.

8a. Get up early to watch Saturday morning cartoons - No matter how late I stayed up the previous night, I had to get up to watch my toons. Even though I watched them all week, the Saturday ones were better to me. I remember Turbo Teen and Mr T were some of my favorites, but I also like the Looney Toons that came on at 11.

8b. Stay up late Friday nights to watch TV - I had to watch Knight Rider, Remington Steele and Miami Vice, then I would stay up til midnight to watch the video show "Hot Traxx." It was the only show that played black videos at the time. Rebbie Jackson's "Centipede" and Stephanie Mills "Medicine" used to give me nightmares.

9. Crush on Ana - My mom was a teacher for troubled kids when I was young. When I was let's say 10 or 11, she brought Ana home. Ana was like 14, and the first girl that I noticed in that way. I never said anything about my crush, but for however long she stayed with us (a couple months I think) I was in luv (l-u-v, not love.)

10. Hang out with my Big Brother - After my mom and dad separated, she enrolled me in Big Brothers to give me a positive mail influence. He was pretty cool at first, until he started dating my sister's Big Sister and forgot all about me. At least that's how I remember it. But for awhile, he used to take me to arcades and stuff. Thanks white liberal guilt for the free video games.

11. Be outside all the time - If me and my crew weren't playing sports, we were riding our bikes all over creation. During the summer, it was nothing for us to be outside from the time we woke up, til the street light came up, only pausing long enough to eat lunch, and play a quick game of Atari.

12. Go to the store for my father - My father was my hero, so if he wanted me to do anything for him, it was done. He would give me money, and I would go to the store to get his cigarettes and cough drops. He ate Halls cough drops like candy. (I found out later that was a cocaine thing to keep the sinuses clear, but at the time I had no idea.) He would let me buy my own candy with the change.

13. Read voraciously - I read everything I could get my hands on. If I wasn't outside playing, I was reading. I remember always being a few grades above my grade level. My favorites were the Encyclopedia Brown books and the Choose Your Own Adventure series, but I read everything. I definitely took advantage of the libraries. It's a shame that I don't read anything now that's not on a computer screen and the only novels I take part in now are audio books.

Monday Mindspacing

2010-03-15T02:17:00.001-04:00

I caught a portion of "Freaknik: The Musical" on Adult Swim the other day. A lot of people have been offended by that show. I too was offended. Not by the content, but by the shoddy animation. Seriously, it looks like they hired a couple of third graders and told them to draw their nightmares. It was pretty pathetic.

I used to think that I was a pretty jerky person, and in a sense I am. In fact, I'm known for saying crazy stuff to people's face. But my level of jerkiness is nothing compared to people on Twitter. They take things from jerky, to just plain negative. It almost seems like they don't like anybody or anything.

Speaking of Twitter, I think I don't like the social part of it. I don't want to have conversations with a bunch of strangers. I much rather would just read and never say anything. I guess it makes sense since I'm anti social in real life, I should be anti social online. I'm afraid that if I ever typed what I was thinking about someone's tweets, I would cause twitter beef. A lot of people say stupid stuff, and I feel it to be my duty to tell them it was stupid. Probably best I keep my mouth shut.For example, I saw someone attribute the following quote to Steve Harvey: "Faith without works is dead." Excuse me, that ain't Mr Hightower, that was the Bible.

I'm ready for the NCAA basketball tournament. Go Syracuse! I'm looking for a pool to participate in. I'll do it for fun, but I got 5 on it if I can find one.

I got this DVD of a British TV show called "Worst Week Of My Life" from Netflix on Saturday. I usually like British comedy. It was 7 episodes. After the first one, I knew I didn't want to continue watching, but I couldn't bring myself to stop watching. Jameil was amazed that I spent 3.5 hours watching something I didn't like. I know it doesn't make sense, but I felt like once I started I was obligated to finish. I should've listened to her and to my own instinct. It was pretty stupid.

I need some new jeans, and some new casual shoes. Not sure why I didn't go do that this weekend, but I didn't. Maybe if I talk about it long enough, Jameil will do it for me.

The thing about cleaning up, is that I'll get struck with the idea to do it, but then want to stop almost immediately. Sunday, I used this steam cleaner thing I took from my mom's house about a year ago. It worked really good, but by the time I finished that, I was no longer in the mood to finish. I finally managed to go clean up the kitchen like 3 hours later.

Whilst cleaning, I almost killed myself. I have this giant Foreman grill thing that I haven't used in a long time. I decided to clean it today. So, I'm running the water over the inside, when I suddenly realize that it was still plugged in. Luckily, I didn't get shocked or anything, but that would have been an embarrassing way to kick the bucket.

My job decided that they were going to shake things up and switch all the managers around. I'm am mad nervous that I'm going to get one manager in particular. I got beef with her. She may not know it, but I really can't stand her or what she stands for. I also hate her voice, her demeanor, her tone... you get the point. I find out this week if it's going to be her, and I'll do my best to maintain, but I really think if she tries to talk to me, like she talks to her current team, we gonna have a problem... CUE R KELLY AND RON ISLEY: "Girl I'm bout to have a fit...oh it's about to be some ish" (Contagious)

I've had the hiccups entirely too often over the last two weeks. What the heck is that about? Jameil likes to ask me if I'm drunk when I have the hiccups, as if I was this cartoon character.

I really need to do something with my Wii. Like get a new game, or sell it for drug money. It don't make no sense that I've played it like 3 times since I got it.

I think I'm going to go back to daily blogging, but this time it's only for me and it is not an open competition. Not a subliminal competition... No competition at all. You hear that, Jameil. Just b/c I'm doing it doesn't mean you have to do it too. This is NOT a challenge. It's just that if I stop, I lose all will to come back to blogging, so I'm going to push myself. Don't know when this is starting though.

And I'm Back...

2010-03-11T14:55:00.000-05:00

How crazy is it that I posted everyday for 4 months, then I take a week and a half break? Well, I decided to stop, then I went on vacation. I’ve been in Gainesville with Jameil for the past week. I could have posted, but I just wasn’t in the mood when I had the opportunity to. At first I was going to go back to it, but Jameil was using the computer when I felt like it. Or when I did use the computer, I wasn’t in the right state of mind to compose a post. So, I took a bit of an internet break. I still read facebook, but I haven’t really interacted. I didn’t really read blogs too much and I sure didn’t comment on any. But now I’m back.

So let’s recap the last week and two days…

Went to get my oil changed and wound up having to get an oil leak fixed. Sucked, but for some reason, my car seems to be running a lot better. Probably a placebo effect, but I’ll take it.

Tried some new restaurants in Gainesville with Jameil with mixed results. I also realized that if you are a vegetarian, Gainesville is the spot for you. They are so veggie friendly. Tofu and Tempeh is on a bunch of restaurant’s menus.

Went to an Oscar Party with Jameil’s classmates. Was supposed to be black tie, but mine was purplish. I don’t like award shows at all and I hadn’t seen most of the nominated movies, so I didn’t really care, but it was still cool. Felt crazy every time they showed Precious or The Blindside. It was all in my head, but I felt like I had to be the resident black person in the room. For the record, I hate the whole concept of white people saving black people in movies, so I’ll never see The Blindside. You can tell me it’s a great movie, I’ll never watch it.

Went antiquing and to a Butterfly Museum. That's not gay by the way. I was with my woman. LOL

Ummm… some other stuff happened too I guess, but I need to go back to work now. Pictures later hopefully. I’ll check out all your blogs when I get off tonight. Have a good one!

Taking a Day Off

2010-03-02T00:01:00.004-05:00

Lest you think I didn't post b/c I didn't want to, check the timestamp. 12:01 AM. This post was written before the deadline, but I decided to stop blogging so Jameil can concentrate on finishing her film instead of blogging. I know what you are thinking... why didn't I stop a month ago? Well, I was hoping that Jameil would stop being so doggone competetive and let one go. Obviously, that isn't going to happen, so I decided to stop at the 4 month mark. The clincher came this weekend, when I saw that Jameil already had 3 posts for this week completed. It was just going to keep going and going. And sure I could have been the stubborn one (like I was for the last 4 months) but on the way home from work something told me to just stop. Now, I realize that I'll probably have to hear about yet another competition that I lost, but in my heart I didn't actually lose. I set out to blog everyday for a month and went for 4. That's good enough for me. By the way, it's killing me not to post this before the midnight deadline, but I have to fight my urges and let this go or we'll be posting everyday until she graduates in May. Congratulate Jameil on being the more obstinate of the two of us. LOL ! Aretha, Saturday's post does count. There is no rule about what you post, just that you do post, so there. I could have posted an exclamation mark and it would have counted.

I'm a good boyfriend... just wait til you see what else I did for Jameil this weekend. She'll post that on Wednesday. Okay, talk to y'all later. And remember I didn't lose...I voluntarily stopped for love.

TLC

2010-02-28T22:42:00.002-05:00

Jameil got me watching The Freaks and Weirdo channel tonight AKA TLC I remember when TLC used to be about educational stuff, but now it's all about these strange human oddities. 1000 lb parents, 7 foot tall kids, and babies that eat eyeballs. Okay, I made that last one up, but this is getting ridiculous. I can't take it. I have a well documented aversion to midgets, so once TLC started showing the Little People show all the time, I pretty much forgot I had this channel. Then Jon and Kate got popular and that was even more reason for me to not watch TLC, but every now and then I'll be turning through the channels and see the sensational title like "Your Baby Ate What?" and have to check out what they are talking about.

It's always a bad idea. I don't want to see that. Things that creep me out: midgets, conjoined twins, visible tumors on the outside of someone's body. big giant preternaturally large babies... I've seen all these on TLC, so I think I should just block that channel. And yes, if my child had one of these afflictions, I would still love him/her.

The Co Workers Meet Jameil...

2010-02-27T22:05:00.000-05:00

Yeah, I'll let Jameil tell you about that one. Read her post for the recap. I'm going to The Vortex for a burger now. Have a great night.

Make It A Pitcher

2010-02-26T23:00:00.000-05:00

It's no secret that Jameil and I love Mexican food, so when I got home from work last night, 1st step was to go to get some. I had already did the research. Twisted Taco stayed open til 12:30 every night. I just knew I was gonna have me some margaritas and burritos, maybe some guacamole. So we get to the restaurant and there are cars in the parking lot, people inside. I thought nothing of it. Until it took them forever to seat us. I was wondering what was happening. Then a dude comes by and says that the kitchen is closed, but the bar is open. For real, you close the kitchen at 10:30 and don't close for 2 hours later. Ugggh. I really wanted some Mexican.

We wound up going to Marietta Diner and it was good, but I still really want some Mexican. We looked at a couple online. One didn't have margaritas. the other one didn't answer their phone. Bad signs. We got one more new one that we are about to try. We tried to find it sometime last year, but wound up getting lost. That was a crazy night. Anyway, if we don't find it, we have several different favorites we can go to. I will have a margarita tonight. In fact, make it a pitcher!!!

The Curious Case Of Jameil1922

2010-02-25T21:29:00.000-05:00

I can’t wait to get home. By the time I get there, Jameil should waiting for me. I got a three day weekend that I get to spend with her. Then I work Monday and Tuesday, then I get to spend another week of vacation with her. AWESOME!!! I’m starting to think my co-workers have an unnatural obsession with Jameil. They can’t stop asking about her and things related to her. Maybe they think she doesn’t really exist??? Maybe they have a girl crush on her. Maybe they just want to know what kind of woman could actually put up with me. For whatever reason, they are mad curious about her.
So, as I said, she’s going to be waiting for me when I get home from work. The co workers were really curious about that one. “You mean she has a key?” Yes, she has a key. How else is she going to get in the house when I’m at work? “So you guys are serious?” Of course we are, but what does a key have to do with it? “You aren’t afraid she’s going to snoop through your stuff?” No, but if she did, she had plenty of time to do that in the last year and a half that I’ve been leaving her at my crib. “I never even gave my fiancé a key.” Well, that’s your relationship. As I recall, you didn’t get married… maybe you should have given him one. (I couldn’t resist being a jerk) Why are you so curious anyway?

Then later in the day: more curiosity. “Is your girlfriend there yet?” Nah, not yet. She should be there before I get home. “Where is she right now?” I don’t know. I imagine she’s on the highway. “She doesn’t check in with you?” What do you mean check in? “She should let you know where she is. She’s a girl driving by herself.” She’ll be fine. It’s not the first time she’s making that drive. “But if something happens, don’t you want to know where she is?” Yes, but I imagine if something happens she’ll call me then. “What if her phone isn’t working?” What do you expect me to do? Have her text message me every 5 minutes. She’s a big girl. “You should be more concerned. I’m gonna tell her to text you next time when I see her.” Okay. I’ll find out where she is when I go to break. “Tell her I was worried!” I can’t print what I was thinking, but it involved multiple curse words about nosy people.
When Jameil meets my co workers, it’s going to be a curious case. Hopefully they get all the curiosity out of the way so I don’t have to keep answering questions every day at work. Methinks they might be a little obsessed with Jameil.

Picture Post

2010-02-24T22:03:00.000-05:00

Leaving My Job On A Snow Day

Snow Day Pt 2

Me on the way to my cousin's funeral

You may want to enlarge this one. Found it on the mailbox at my apt complex.

AND FINALLY... Since she likes to post bad pictures of me on her blog on purpose, I thought I would retaliate

Jameil eating some Krispy Kreme!!!

Hello, Captain Obvious!!

2010-02-23T21:39:00.000-05:00

Back in the day before we had a falling out, me and everybody’s favorite blogger used to be chat online all the time. One of her favorite nicknames for me was Captain Obvious. She loved to call me out on the really apparent stuff that I would say, and it became a bit of a running joke with us. I would sometimes intentionally say obvious stuff as a joke. Well, today at work, I had to relinquish my nickname. This dude across the aisle from me totally outdid me and he wasn’t even joking. If he said all this today, I can't imagine the obviousness he spews on a daily basis.

Wow, Memphis is right on the border of Arkansas
Remember that walking pneumonia I had? I really was coughing a lot back then. Remember?
Tiger Woods is the best golferin the world. People are going to start watching again once he comes back.
Dude, Steve Jobs has a lot of money!
You ever been to Canada? They say they have free health care there.
Man, Philly has the best cheese-steaks
Those Republicans are really fighting Obama. They don’t like him.

Hello Captain Obvious! Could you do me a favor and STFU?!?!

Tweek/Old Friend/Tweek

2010-02-22T21:38:00.001-05:00

I didn’t have a lick of caffeine today… but I’m tweeking. I don’t know what is going on. I can’t keep still. I’m talking like Vanessa’s friend on the Cosby Show. I’m even typing mad fast like I actually know what I’m doing. What in the world is going on? I can’t get it together. Maybe it’s because it was so busy at work today that I was trying to get things done in an expeditious manner. Or maybe someone slipped some speed in my water. For real though.. I need this to calm down. YO!!! Why is my hand shaking? This looks really weird. And my right pinky keeps twitching. Man, I wish I had some time to self diagnose myself on WebMd. This is really strange. My mind is racing like crazy. I have like 10 thoughts going at once, but the strange thing is that I can comprehend all of them. Man, someone please take this hyperactivity away from me before I have to drive home. I don’t want to be switching lanes all willy nilly because I feel impatient. I sound crazy right now, so let me write about something else.

Am I the only one that gets nervous when people contact you out of blue? Well that happened to me today. One of my ex girlfriends, who works for the same company, but in another state, sent me an IM today. Before I even read it, I was shook. Like what now… Did someone die? Or do you need to borrow money? Or have you realized that you are madly in love with me? What, it could happen! In fact, it’s happened to me previously, probably why I was so nervous. Luckily, it was none of the above. Just a friendly check in, but I’m still waiting for the other shoe to drop. Like tomorrow I’m going to come to work and find an email pouring out her heart. We made much better friends than boyfriend and girlfriend, so I know that’s not going to really happen. At least I hope not. LOL

I just forgot where I was going with that part of the post. Darn tweeking… I think I had something else to say, but now my leg is jumping and it’s distracting me. I need to go walk around for awhile and try to clear my head. Da hell is wrong with me today?

Super Fans

2010-02-21T21:28:00.000-05:00

In the limited time I spend on Twitter, one thing always shocks me. How much people stan for their favorite artists. I guess I shouldn't be shocked, since this is a world full of celebrity worship, but the level of obsession that people have is overwhelming. Perhaps it's always been that way, but seeing it all in one place is jarring. Two people in particular get the fans mobilized like no other. Justin Bieber and Nicki Minaj.

There are 50-11 twitter users with some form of Bieber in their handles. Things like Bieberholics or Bieberfan, or Bieberfever. Anytime he does anything, they light up twitter talking about him. I don't get it. I understand I'm not his demographic, so I'm not supposed to get it, but I still don't. Maybe he's talented, maybe the girls think he's cute, but my goodness, the fervor is overkill. Same with Nicki Minaj. Little teenage girls with Minaj in their names. Do they even know what that means? Or emulating her barbie persona. Thousands of girls with Barbie in their name. Now I do know a little something about rap, so I know that she sucks. Her lyrics are garbage, and she isn't all that attractive either. And girls are lining up to get their boobs signed by her too? Twitter is on Nicki Minaj overload.

Since I'm an understanding type of person, I tried to think back to when I was younger. Was there anybody that I just was obsessed with? The closest I could think of was the 1986 Mets. I tried to swing like Daryl Strawberry, and I tried to pitch like Dwight Gooden, which was impossible since I, unlike him, was left handed. I guess I also was the world's biggest Big Daddy Kane fan back in the day. I wanted to rap like him. but he wasn't the only rapper I liked. And then as far as having crushes... I had a thing for Ananda Lewis. But I wasn't going to write her letters or show up where she was to express my love for her. Plus the more I heard her talk, the more annoying she got, and thus the crush dissipated.

I don't know. Is this just a case of me getting older and not understanding today's youth? I hope not. I didn't think that would start until I was at least 50. I thought I still had 15 years before I started talking about young whippersnappers and their triviality. Or maybe I just am cut from a different cloth. I've always been a bit weird, and perhaps that weirdness made me not be a pop culture junkie like the rest of the world. Who knows? What about you? Did you have anybody that you were obsessed with (in a normal way) when you were younger? Or now even? Do you still have a secret shrine to a celebrity? You can tell me. I won't judge. Let's be real. Of course I'll be judging you. LOL

And Now...Rashan Responds Snarkily To A Meme That Nobody Asked Him To Do

2010-02-20T19:50:00.001-05:00

I was looking for a stupid little meme to do to count as my Saturday post. As I was reading over it, I started making jokes, so now you have to read them. READ THEM I SAID!!!! Then I realized it was long, but once I started, I couldn't stop.

Do you get regular massages?
Nope, I don’t like strangers touching me. Even if I know you a little bit, you ain’t got to be touching me. That goes for hugs, light taps on the arm, rubbing my back. Lay off the touching.

Do you have an answering machine?
Yes, because it’s 1987 again. I also have a boom box, a jheri curl, some adidas shelltoes with fat multicolor laces and a “You Can’t Do That On Television” lunch box.

What cuss word do you use the most?
*avert your eyes, Jameil* I enjoy the f word. As in da fu..?? or nah, fu that!!! or fu is you talking about? Man, I don’t get to curse enough anymore, since Jameil is a puritan. But don’t let me be by myself…

Are you underweight or overweight?
Overweight, but I’m about to hit the sauna later tonight so I can make weight for my title fight.

Can you see your veins?
No, because I’m a dark skinned African!!! *turns arm over* what are these green things on my forearm?

Favorite…

Soap?
I refuse to answer this question truthfully and say “Dove” because you’ll think the answer to the next question is me…just wait..
Fruit?
I like Tim Gunn. He’s pretty awesome. Oh wait, I mean grapes.
Fish?
Which is my favorite dish. But without the money it’s still a wish. Couldn’t think of a joke, so I used a lyric instead.

Candy bar?
Whatever the sugar dealers at my job have on deck. I’m pretty sure that they are responsible for 72% of diabetes in the Metro Atlanta Area. They always got cake, or cupcakes, or candy bars.

Have You Ever…

Eaten a whole bag of potato chips?
Yes, but I’ve blocked out the memory with the help of a therapist and life coach. I’m working on my binge eating. Now, it’s just binge drinking.

Eaten lobster?
Why do you think I’m wearing this bib? Oh, my drooling problem? Nah, it’s b/c of lobster.

Climbed a mountain?
I don’t think she would appreciate you calling her a mountain. Tall people have feelings too.

Been skydiving?
Since I have an aversion to urinating on myself, having heart attacks and pulling cords, I’ve yet to experience this one yet.

Do You…
Wish you could change something about your life?
Do you mean other than my decision to start this meme?
Like your nose?
Except when it gets dry, or full of mucous. Then I’d be content with being a mouth-breather like Biggie.

Like salt and vinegar chips?
The weirdest combination since *insert obscure pop culture reference here*

Eat salsa?
I feel like if there was a comma between those two words, it would be the way Ricky Ricardo asked Lucy out on a date.
Own a boat?
I used to until it crashed into an iceberg, and started capsizing. There weren’t enough lifeboats, so a bunch of people had to jump in the water as my boat sank. Two of them, Jack and Rose were clinging to the debris in the cold ocean expressing their love for each other. *spoiler alert* Jack let go and drowned.

What Is…

A small thing that people let slide but that actually has dire consequences?
Man, I wish Dennis Kucinich was a Republican. This joke would actually be funny.

Your most macho trait?
I'd have to say it’s watching every episode of Felicity, The Gilmore Girls and Buffy the Vampire Slayer. What’s macho-er than that?

The longest relationship you’ve ever had?
Me and my fake wife have been together for about 11 years. What had happened was… I made up a fake wife to get rid of a real stalker, and we never actually got fake divorced. Fake wife didn’t thwart real stalker by the way. It made her think I was the marrying type. Oh self esteem! Why doesn’t everybody have you?

Your most embarrassing thoughts?
Man, I hope nobody finds out that I actually do like Plies. That would ruin my rep as a discerning hip hop head.
Your most shameful moment?
I’ve only told one person that story and she turned out not to be who she said she was, so I’m gonna hold off on telling that moment to the entire blog world. Let’s just say it involves pajamas, Atari, laxatives, and my best friend looking at me with pity.

This/That…
Bath/Shower?
I don’t like baths because who wants to sit in their own filth. But I do like bubbles, so I started taking bubble showers.

Markers/Crayons?
It really depends what I’m writing. Ransom notes look sinister in crayon, but markers are best for my anti government protest placards.

Pens/Pencils?
I never have a pen when I need one. This is not a joke, just the truth. For real, where do all my pens go?

Jelly/Cream Cheese?
It must be jelly cuz cream cheese don’t shake like that. Unless you put it in the dryer. Then it shakes a whole lot. And probably melts. And makes a pretty big mess… On second thought.. don’t put cream cheese in the dryer.

Bagel/Toast?
I only eat bagels if someone else buys them. I like them, but I never spend my money on them. Sorta like strippers. LOL

Finish…

My greatest weakness is…
My lame right arm.

I wish I was…
I bet you all expected me to say “a little bit taller, I wish I was a baller, I wish I had a girl that looked good I would call her.” And I guess you are right.

Three things I wouldn’t do for a million dollars are…
If there are only three things on your list, then you are more than likely morally bankrupt and have a cast iron stomach.

The oddest thing I’ve ever put in my mouth is…
the number 3 (get it, because it’s odd… corny oh well.)

Firsts…

Credit card you had?
I think it was a discover card. And now to quote every bad black comedian from the 1990’s… wait til they discover I can’t pay the bill!! Ladies and Gentleman, I’ll be at the Chuckle Hut this Thursday. 2 drink minimum. Call ahead for seating.

Loan you got was for?
Educational purposes, you know like painting my car and buying new Hilfiger.

Paycheck was for how much?
Man, I can’t even remember, but I do know that I bought a CD with it. Probably something extremely sucktastic that I still have, but have not listened to since 1992, but would get mad if you tried to take away from me.

Time you had stitches?
Stupid neighborhood watch program forgot to tell me what snitches got.

Time you went to the hospital for something?
To be born, I guess. I don’t know if I went will still in the womb, but then again, I probably shouldn’t start a Tim Tebow-esque Life starts at conception conversation on my blog.

Lasts…

List everything you ate in the last 24 hours?
No, you can’t tell me what to do. The fact that I had a frozen pizza from Krogers and a bowl of cereal is none of your business

What was your job previous to the one you have now?
I was a professional blogger. Meaning that while I was supposed to be working I was on the internet at my desk. Conference Call? Let’s check some blogs. Meeting with H.R. – check blogs on my phone. Employee complaining that I’m not paying attention to him – Give him the nickname Mr. Softee and write about him on my blog.

Last thing you celebrated?
Friday, I celebrated my paycheck by paying bills. Does that count?

Last time you were at a sports bar?
That time when me and Jameil ordered a buffalo sauce burger and they had like no sauce on it. And our waiter who looked like Kevin Federline was trying to charge us for the sauce that was supposed to be on the burger in the first place. Stupid Taco Mac!

Every 90 Days

2010-02-19T22:08:00.000-05:00

Every 90 days, it’s the same old thing. Time to change my password at work. It wouldn’t seem to be that big of a deal, but for some reason, I always seem to have trouble.

First of all, the password has to be a specific amount of characters. So even if I have a good one in mind, if it has too many or too little characters, then I’m stuck. Then it has to have at least one number in it. And that number can’t be at the end. For example I couldn’t use jameil1, I would have to do something like jam1eil. That’s just an example, not an actual password, so don’t be trying to hack my stuff. But for real, I find myself having to type like those 1d10tz (that spells "idiots" for the non-idiots) 0n mYspac3 in order to come up with a password that actually works. And I just can’t bring myself to do that.

Instead, I have to think of something that I will actually remember. I have a great long term memory. For instance, I can remember that my phone number from 1983-1986 was 914 425 1464. But my short term memory is shot. Sometimes I’ll just forget what I was doing while I’m doing it. *Insert weed joke here*. It has to be something memorable if I’m going to remember it. I’ve used my favorite rappers, my favorite sports teams, the kids in my family. I can remember those. But I can’t use any derivatives of them again for 18th months. So, now I have to think of random thoughts that pop in my head to use as passwords. And those just don’t stick. I think I’ve run out of passwords

One of the biggest problems with my password is that I always seem to be leaving on vacation when it’s time to reset them. I’m either having a long weekend, or a week long vacation when it’s time to change my password. I shouldn’t use that as an excuse since it does remind me every day for 2 weeks before it’s time, but I don’t be thinking about it until the very last minute. Who knew my procrastination could extend to something as mundane as changing a password. In fact instead of writing this post, I probably should be thinking of my next password since I only have 9 days left.

P.S. Jameil can you stop posting... I'm really running out of things to blog about as evidenced by me posting about passwords. LOL

One Of Those Days

2010-02-18T21:26:00.000-05:00

It was one of those days where people, places and things (mostly people) were annoying me. Nothing major, but just enough for me to write about them...

Somebody smells like outside. Like when we were kids and spent all day frolicking in the woods. For real, there’s a new invention called a shower. Can you look into that?

I can’t seriously be the only person that can read in this meeting. This clearly says “manager duty”, so why are you telling us that this is what we are going to do? I tried to tell you too, and you shut me down? For real, dog?

Creepy Security Guard guy: I need you to stop listening to Rush Limbaugh on your portable radio. Do you not realize that you work with 80% black people and we will mess you up if you call us “Magical Negroes?” I’m just saying, this is not the place for you to make your Anti Obama stand.

Is there a reason that it feels like the pits of Hell inside? You are killing me. It’s 32 degrees outside and 87 inside. I’m not saying it needs to be cold in here, but I’m about to sweat up in here. Maybe that’s why somebody smells like outside up in here.

I know you have to talk, since it’s a requirement for the job, but just for a few hours could you pretend to be a deaf-mute. Or not even a deaf mute, just a mute. In other words, stop talking. I hate your voice.

For real, my dude? Why you gonna run like that? Let me back up. Why are you running at work anyway? And if you are gonna run at work, could you make an effort to not sashay whilst running. Why are your arms moving side to side like that? Why you gonna twist at the waist like that? (Nexgrl – You don’t have to answer this one for me. I already know the answer. . LOL)

Ms Cougar Lady, please don’t regale any more tales of your secksual conquests. I don’t believe you. I don’t want to know that much about you. And did I mention I don’t believe you? I’m sure you have a rich fantasy life, but work is not the place to talk about it.

Lent

2010-02-17T22:49:00.000-05:00

When I was a kid we used to go to an Episcopalian church. Every year we had to give something up for Lent. It was always something trivial, such as one of favorite toys, or chocolate milk. As I got older, we went to more Protestant type churches where Lent was not practiced as heavily. A couple of years ago, I decided to start doing it again, not so much for religious reasons, but for discipline reasons. I gave up soda, and even today, I don't drink it like I used to. I'll still indulge every now and then, mostly when I'm taking a road trip, but those 40 days made me realize that it was no big deal not to drink soda all the time. That brings us to this year.

Jameil and I are going to give up fast food. It was her idea, but I quickly jumped on the bandwagon. There's something about her that makes me extremely competitive. Yes, I'm aware that is probably not the right spirit to bring into what's supposed to be a religious experience, but being honest with myself and you, that's what it is. I want to prove that I can do the same thing she is doing. Now, this is gonna be hard. I work a 10 hour day, 12 hours if you count travel time and lunch. I usually leave at 10:45 AM and get home at 10:45 PM. Those days, I just don't feel like cooking. It's going to be a challenge not to just stop off at Taco Bell on the way home from work. Hopefully, this will get me eating healthier, save money (although I've mastered the art of getting the cheapest food these restaurants have to offer), and get me to cook more often. And who knows, after getting used to this for 40 days, maybe I'll be over the fast food, like I'm over the soda. Either way, wish me luck.

Fast food has many definitions so Jameil and I defined it for our purposes. Of course, McDonalds and Burger King are out, but we also included any restaurant that has a drive through window. This includes our favorite Mexican spot in Florida. Also, Pizza Hut and Papa Johns, and chains like that count. The biggest blow for me is that we are including Subway and other sandwich spots like that. If you know anything about me, you know I can live on Subway tuna subs, and there's this place in Gainesville called Jimmy Johns that has the best Italian sub on earth. But those are out for awhile. One of two things is gonna happen. Either I'll start cooking more, or I'll have to go to a bunch of sit down restaurants and spend more money. I'll try for the former, but if all else fails, the latter is just gonna have to work.

What about you guys? Do you give up anything for Lent? If so, what?

Wait... I Didn't Say That!!!

2010-02-16T23:16:00.001-05:00

Color Code:

Co Worker 1, Co Worker 2, Me

"Hey Rashan. I know you won't come but I want to invite you anyway. I'm having a birthday dinner on the 27th."

"For real? I'll try to make it.

"Rashan ain't coming. He's going down to Florida that weekend."

"Umm. I'm mad that you think you know my schedule better than me. I actually won't be going that weekend."

"OOOOHHH, You are gonna skip a weekend?"

"Nah, Jameil will be here."

"Does that mean we get to meet her?"

"I don't know. We'll see what we are doing."

"You have to bring her. We love her."

"ummm...okay."

"I know we don't know her, but we like her for you."

"Thanks. Me too."

"So you gonna bring her?"

"I'm not sure. I'll talk to her.Where is the dinner anyway?"

"Red Lobster"

"Uhhh...yeah, about that. We are food snobs, so I don't know about that.'

"She's bourgie too?"

"Way more bourgie than me. We don't eat at chains."

"Well, try to see if you can make an exception so we can meet her."

"Okay. I'll let you know."

"Hey, everybody.. Rashan is bringing his girlfriend to Tasha's birthday dinner!"

"Wait... I didn't say that.."

Random Thoughts Again

2010-02-15T16:49:00.000-05:00

The NBA all star game had 108 thousand people there. I know you want to experience the atmosphere, but for real, what are you actually going to see. If the court is just 94 ft, and you are way up in the nosebleeds, you ain’t seeing nothing. You could have saved that money and went to a sports bar and got drunk.

Does it make me juvenile that I chuckle every time I pass the Withlacoochee (sound it out) River when I’m driving to Florida?

I don’t get how Maury is still on TV. Are people still shocked when it turns out that the 13th dude is not the father?

I’m eating a poppy seed muffin and just had a flashback to that episode of Seinfeld when one of them (I think it was Elaine) tested positive for opium because of a poppy seed muffin. I know it was just a TV show, but I actually stopped eating the muffin for a second before I realized I was being stupid. Also, there are no drug tests, so if I actually wanted to take opium, nobody would know. LOL

I’m working on President’s Day and they are sending us trivia emails all day. I know all the answers, but once I found out what the prize for winning is, I was like, never mind. It’s not worth my time to even type these answers: I already got a muffin!!!

Are we done with Swine Flu? I haven’t heard anything about that in a minute? Is it no longer a pandemic? Is it just a irritation now? Did we overreact to it a few months ago?

I don’t watch much Winter Olympics… okay, I don’t watch any Winter Olympics, but I used to like the luge, the bobsled and ski jumping. I was reading about how in Women’s Hockey, Canada beat the bricks off someone 18-1 and now there is an uproar… The way I see it, if you don’t want to get beat that badly, you have 2 choices: Don’t go to the Olympics or get better at your sport. This ain’t little league with a mercy rule. (Wo)man up!!!

#petpeeve: People who are divorced or single trying to give relationship advice. This means you Steve Harvey. This means you Hill Harper. This means you lonely bitter woman who hasn’t had a relationship in years, but is always talking about what you don’t want from a man. This means you wanna-be player who wants his homeboy to be single so he’ll have someone to go to the club and chase girls with. JUST STOP IT!!!
I’m over going to movies. I’ll just wait for Netflix. I’d rather pay $18 a month and getting a bunch of movies a month, than pay $19.50 to see a movie Jameil and I may or may not like. I don’t have to be first. Besides, movies be coming out on DVD like 3 months later now. I think I’ll just wait.

So, I used to be the biggest fan of the tv show 24.. This year, I almost don’t want to watch. Everything that has happened this year, has already happened in the previous 7 years. I find myself not even paying attention because I already know what’s going to happen before it happens. They need to get that together. My other show “Lost” is still keeping me interested, mainly b/c I have no idea what’s going on and haven’t since it started 5 years ago. Can’t wait for the payoff though.

My weekly FB/Twitter rant: I don’t know why I follow/am friends with some people. They get on my nerves. What does it say about me that I can’t delete them, but instead will continue to read their stuff just so I can laugh at them, or mock them? As Jameil likes to say about me… I’m a bad person (but then again, she does the same thing, so she must be bad too. LOL)

Model UN

2010-02-14T19:40:00.000-05:00

Confessions of a high school loser

When I was in high school, it would be safe to say that I was a bit of a loser. I never thought so, since my self esteem was always through the roof, but in retrospect and through other people’s eyes yeah, I can see it. No story demonstrates this more than the time I went to Model UN.

Model UN was an extracurricular activity where students portrayed the role of different countries in the United Nations. The idea was to learn about politics and diplomacy. An extra nerdy function for the most part, but I’ve never been one to be ashamed of my intelligence, so when they asked me to join, I did. Model UN also drew students from all over the region, so we had the opportunity to rub elbows with people that we normally would never meet. The country I was representing was Algeria, which was cool because it was in Africa, but not so cool, because it wasn’t the real Africa to me. You know Mr. Militant wanted to rep a Sub Saharan (AKA black) country. LOL. Anyway, the first night there, we got grouped together randomly, first in a group of 4 kids per country, then in a group of four countries. All together 16 kids sat to a table and talked about oil prices, and political prisoners and going to war. It was pretty cool, if a big nerd does say so himself.

One of the girls from my table was repping Portugal. She was, in the vernacular of my youth, “slammin’!!!” I can’t remember her real name, so I’ll just call her Portugal for the rest of the post. Anyway, me and Portugal got to talking during the work session, and hit it off. She was from Whitfield county, which I still don’t know where it is to this day. All I know is that she was country, and tall and light skinneded with long hair. Not my type now, but back then, you better believe it. She looked like a younger version of a video model. So we’re talking and she asks me if I want to sit with her and her friends at the banquet. Ummm…. Yeah. Let's do it.

We had fun at the banquet then it turned into a dance. One small problem: Rashan does not dance. I tried to avoid the dance floor for as long as I could until Portugal forced my hand. "Come On, Algeria...let's dance" She grabbed my hand and guess what I did... I danced with her. Yeah, I was a loser, but not that much of a loser. Hot chick wants to dance with you, then you dance... The loser part comes later after the banquet/dance was over. We were staying at the Jameson Inn in Statesboro, Ga. She invited me to come back to her hotel room. I had to go check in with my chaperone and was supposed to sneak out and go to her room at midnight. My roommate was scared of me and wouldn't snitch, so that would be no problem. Her roommate was inviting someone over too, so that was no problem. But when it came time for me to do the actual sneaking out, I got scared. It took forever to actually work up the nerve to leave the room. I made it all the way to her room, but I never knocked on the door. Yep, Rashan was a high school loser who was scared of the hot girl.

When I saw her the next day at Model UN, I made up a story about our chaperone watching us closely, and made my roommate back me up, but I think she knew I was lying. Me and Portugal barely spoke for the rest of the day. I can't believe how much of a loser I was that trip.

9 hours

2010-02-13T18:06:00.000-05:00

So yesterday I got off work early b/c of the snow. I took that as an excuse to come see Jameil earlier than usual. Hopped in the car, jumped on 75 south and everything was cool... for about 10 minutes. Then all hades broke loose. I guess everybody else was leaving work early too, so the highways were packed. And people were crashing into each other left and right. Not because of the road conditions, since it wasn't even icy or slippery. I honestly don't know why they were crashing. But they certainly were crashing. I counted at least 7 accidents before I even reached Downtown Atlanta. It was enough to make me want to just say forget and try again later. I had no choice though. I couldn't even get home if I wanted to. All the highways were exactly the same It took me 3 hours to get out of the Atlanta Metro area which was ridiculous.

It finally opened up a little before Macon, but it was still snowing and raining, so I had to be careful. It wasn't until I got close to Florida that the weather finally cooperated. All in All it took me 9 hours to make a trip that usually takes 5. It didn't really seem that long to me, but once I thought about how long in the car, I was instantly tired. Listening to audio books on my iPod really makes the time go more quickly. And I'm happy that I finally get to see Jameil after 3 weeks.

OUTTA HERE!!!

2010-02-12T15:02:00.002-05:00

Partial snow day in effect. Time to head to the warmer climes of Florida. May write more if Jameil lets me use her computer. Peace!!!

Possible Snow Day Makes Rashan Ramble

2010-02-11T23:52:00.000-05:00

Is it possible that I can actually get another snow day tomorrow? That would be dope. If so, then I can go down to Gainesville and see Jameil earlier!! Then Monday, it's supposed to snow too!!! Could I actually get a 4 day weekend without using any vacation time? For real, I need a vacation. I got this interim manager at my job who is just getting on everybody's nerves. He's trying to change stuff that doesn't need to be changed. I hate having to be the one who always tells him that he's wrong. But I have to be. He's pretty cool when he's not trying to micromanage, so I pick and choose my battles, but I still find myself correcting him a lot. I mean, as long as a goal is met, why does it matter how it gets met. Just leave me alone and let me do my thing. I'll be glad when my old manager gets back from paternity leave. He knows when to leave things that don't matter alone.Then we found out that my department at work is getting phased out. They say it's supposed to be in December, but I don't believe them. They have never given this much notice about anything. Don't worry, I'm not losing my job. We'll be reassigned somewhere, that's if I'm still here. I'll probably be moving out of Atlanta anyway, so I'm not too worried. But I still need a vacation. My next one is at the beginning of March. Gonna hang out with Jameil for her Spring Break. I think we are going to Tampa some time during that week. I don't care as long as I don't have to work. And now it is 11:51, so I should probably post this rambling joint and go pray for some snow.

Valentine's Day Hate

2010-02-10T23:39:00.000-05:00

I don't like being a cliche, but on this subject I am. I'm a man, and I think Valentine's Day is stupid. Stop me if you've heard this before. I know men across the country are lamenting the fact that on Sunday, they are expected to shower their significant others with gifts so soon after Christmas. And for alot of men, the return will not be equitable. They don't want candy and flowers. It's really a woman's holiday. Then you have the people, both male and female that hate the day because they aren't boo'd up. They get tired of seeing other people being blissfully happy while they are lonely and bitter. I've been single many times on VDay, but it never really bothered me.Finally you have the people like me that just don't like it because it's a made up holiday. You'll hear conspiracy theories abound from people like us about greeting card companies, jewelers and florists.

But really, that's not why I don't like Valentine's Day. For me, it's a lot more personal. You see, my father's birthday was February 14th. He died a long time ago, and I don't usually think about it except for around this time of the year. I always seem to retreat into my thoughts this time of the year. The frustrating thing is that I know it's going to happen, but I seem powerless to stop it. I don't really feel like celebrating. Since my wonderful, loving girlfriend does like Valentine's Day, I've tried to get over it and go with the flow, but the more I try, the more I find myself struggling. I'm not really the emotional type, so it bothers me that this bothers me so much.

My procrastination reared its ugly head this year again. I waited way too long to figure out what I wanted to get Jameil. We already have dinner plans, a wine tasting and some other stuff that we are going to be doing, but I never quite got around to the gift part, so today I focused on that. Well, at least I tried. I found myself feeling some kind of way again. I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm usually so steady, but this V Day thing keeps messing me up in the head. I need to find a way to get over this crap. Thanks for reading my therapy session.

Black History Month: The Scariest Day Of My Life

2010-02-09T22:02:00.000-05:00

I call these posts Black History Month because I’m Black, and these stories are my history.

I didn’t arrive at this title easily, especially since I’ve been shot at, robbed at gunpoint, received multiple concussions and the like. But this day was so nerve wracking, it took me a full day to regain my composure. Let me tell you what happened.
I was in college, but still living at my grandmother’s house in Savannah. I was asleep on the floor in the living room, under a palate of blankets. My Sega Genesis controller was next to me, as were my huge DJ earphones that I used to listen to angry and misogynistic rap without offending the others in the house. I stayed up until about 5 the previous night, which was commonplace for me. I wasn’t up doing homework, but rather I was trying to finish a Bill Walsh College Football video game season. When the incident occurred, at around 8:30, I was good and sleep. Knocked out beyond comprehension. That’s when I heard it.
“EEEEEEEEEEE, EEEEEEEEEEE”

What the *&#@ was that?!? It was a strange shrieking noise that was coming closer every second. I didn’t want to get up and see what was going on, but something told me that I should. My contacts were blurry, but I clearly made out the sight of my grandmother running toward me. My brain focused a little and I saw her hands. They were flailing around and I saw something else that alarmed me. My great grandmother was standing behind her hitting her on her back. I realized my grandmother was choking. I immediately sprung in to action.
I was still half sleep, but I knew that I had to do something. My great grandmother was just making things worse by pummeling my grandmother on the back. I spoke in the most terse tone that I had ever spoken to my beloved elders.

GRANDMA CLEO, GET OUT OF THE WAY NOW!!!

She did. I felt bad about that, but it was necessary. I went in for the Heimlich Maneuver. I tried abdominal thrusts for a while, but it didn’t work. I realized that I wasn’t using enough force. I really didn’t want to hurt my grandma, who at this time was in her 70’s. But I had no choice. It was either hurt her, or lose her and that was not an option. I went back in for more. I thought about what I had to do. Thrust under the diaphragm. I knew where the diaphragm was from being in chorus all those years. My chorus teacher would always tell us to sing from our diaphragm and demonstrate where it was. I mustered my strength and gave 4 big abdominal thrusts. By the fourth one, she was no longer shrieking, and was now coughing. Grandma was okay!

I ran to the kitchen and got her some water. I noticed a big old horse pill in the hallway by the front door. It was blue and way bigger than anything I would ever hope to take. I was relieved she was okay, but still a little bit shook. I gave her a big ole hug and then went to collapse on the couch. I can’t believe how close I came to losing my grandma that day. That was the scariest day of my life thus far. Way scarier than anything bad happening to me. It’s like I always had a (foolish) sense that I would be okay no matter what manner of danger came my way. But that day, seeing my grandmother struggling to breath scared the mess out of me. She’s still with us 15 years later, and I couldn’t imagine how much life would have been different if she didn’t make it that day.

Black History Month: My Doritos Shirt

2010-02-08T21:40:00.000-05:00

I call these posts Black History Month because I’m Black, and these stories are my history.

When I was about 14-15, I had this shirt that I just loved. It was a pull over, and it was this ugly shade of green, and it had matching shorts that went with it. That summer, I think I wore that shirt at least 3 times a week. And yes, we had a washing machine, so stop thinking I was nasty. I just liked wearing it. It was baggy, and comfortable when I was working out, which is something that I did a lot back then. Yeah, I was a chubby teenager, but I was active, unlike now. I used to be outside playing football or baseball, or cutting the grass or my favorite: riding the exercise bike. I would ride that bike for hours on end while I played Nintendo, or watched a movie. I need one of those in my life now. I’m sure I would be more active. Anyway, the problem with that shirt, which again, I loved so much was that once I got to sweating, the shirt started to smell like Doritos.

I don’t know why that happened. None of my other shirts did that. I was prone to sweating a lot, but I didn’t have any out of the ordinary smells. Just teenage funk, and I think I was a little more conscious of the stinky pits than other kids, because of my excessive sweating. I rocked antiperspirant and deodorant and took long showers without having to be told. So, why was this shirt smelling like that? What was this shirt made of? You would think that after a while, I would maybe stop wearing that shirt all the time, but nope. That ain’t Rashan. The Doritos shirt was my favorite. I couldn’t imagine my life without it. It was always fodder for jokes with my brother and sister. Maybe I kept it because I secretly wanted something to bond with my siblings over. Yeah, right! That wasn’t it. I’m just stubborn. And maybe the stronger the shirt smelled of Doritos, the more I knew I was burning calories. I don’t know, but it was really weird that nobody hid that shirt from me.

I was at my grandmother’s house Saturday and the memory of me in that shirt and jumping around with my brother and sister to an Bodies In Motion exercise program on ESPN came flooding back. I couldn’t help but laugh as I thought of those times. I could have sworn I smelled Doritos again too.

Black History Month: The Super Bowl Party

2010-02-07T23:31:00.001-05:00

I call these posts Black History Month because I’m Black, and these stories are my history

It was 1999, and the Atlanta Falcons made it to the Super Bowl. Back then I wasn't a huge Falcons fan, but since my team the Tampa Bay Bucs didn't make it, I was rooting for the home team. We decided to have a Super Bowl party at my place, which is where most of my crew hung out all the time anyway. It was supposed to be just the regulars, but everybody at work told everybody else and before I knew it, there were tons of people in my little garage apartment. I didn't really care, since this was during one of my non anti social periods. Besides, more people meant more liquor, more tweeds, and more girls.

My homegirl Terri hooked up the food, and I had a few bottles of that hard liquor. We didn't mess around with beer or wine back then. And my homeboy Lorenzo had us covered on the tweeds. By kickoff, I was already nursing a nice little buzz thanks to some strong drinks and some even stronger blunts. I remember the room cheering when the Falcons had the ball, but that's about all I remember about that Super Bowl. The rest of the night came in flashes. In random order...

1. My landlord came over and smoked with us.
2. Somebody broke my toilet.
3. Random people were going in and out of my bedroom.
4. I only had one couch and some folding chairs, so people were huddled on the floor looking comatose.
5. At halftime, we started watching Friday,
6. I woke up with some Famous Amos chocolate chip and pecan cookies half chewed in my mouth.
7. Somebody ate the chili that my mom made for me.

I knew all this was happening but I was too knocked out to do anything about it. The real story happened after the game, which the Falcons lost 34-19. About midnight, the game was long over, but stragglers were still at my crib playing spades and drinking the remnants of the liquor. I was semi conscious on the couch. I smelled something burning. Now, it could have been anything: something on the stove or someone playing with matches, but my paranoid mind just knew it was something else. I managed to get up and stagger to the kitchen. Nothing there. I wandered around the apartment and couldn't find the source of the burning smell. Finally, I decided to open a window to get some fresh air. That's when it hit me. Smoke started pouring in the apartment. I ran outside to see what was going on and found it. A big plastic trash can outside was on fire.

I tried to turn on the water hose, but yeah, it didn't work. I ran in through the back door and turned on the faucet and filled up some cups with water, but that barely made a dent. I must have looked crazy with two little cups trying to put out a burning trash can. Nobody was helping me either. They were either oblivious, or too drunk to realize what was happening. Finally, I went in the refrigerator and grabbed a big pitcher of kool-aid - a mix of lemonade and grape - and threw it on the burning trash can. That put most of the flames out. Finally somebody else got up to help me, but by then it was over. I never found how the fire started, but if I had to guess, I'd say someone threw a lit blunt, or cigarette in the trash can. At any rate, it was time for them to go. I didn't know who was to blame, so I kicked all them jokers out. That was the last Super Bowl party I ever hosted.

Savannah Bound

2010-02-06T23:00:00.000-05:00

I'm going to take a break from Black History Month series this weekend. I'm going to Savannah for my cousin's funeral/memorial service. I wrote about her last month. She died last Friday. It's not going to be a traditional funeral service, since she didn't want to have a church service and she is being cremated, so no burial service either. Not sure what it's going to be like, but I'll be there to show family support. While I'm in Savannah, I'm going to check out one of my nephew and niece's performances of Annie. It's crazy that they are in a kids performance, and charging $20. If I didn't love them, I would definitely skip it. The other crazy thing is that one of their shows is at the same time as the Super Bowl (Go Colts!!!) My sister, who is a big football fan, signed up to volunteer at that show, not realizing that it was the day of the game. Sucks for her. Anyway, I should really go hit the road now, so I'll end this now (and post it later in the day.) Have a good weekend.

Black History Month: Uncle Daddy

2010-02-05T22:19:00.000-05:00

When I was about 9 or 10, something happened with my best friend G’s family that really freaked me out. They were a nice Indian family, red dot, not feather. His was a single parent household, much like mine. Then later, his Uncle came to live with them. I spent a lot of time over at his house, and he at mine. Our families ate together often. Uncle was the best cook. I loved his curry everything and mango ubiquity. The food was banging. And Uncle was funny too. His Indian accent used to crack me up, not in a laughing at you way, but in a laughing at your jokes way. Man, Uncle was cool. Then something happened that messed with my head: G’s Uncle married G’s mom.

What? Are these people out of their minds?!? G was surprisingly cool with it. He didn’t mind having an Uncle Daddy. I, however was grossed out. I tried to explain it to him, but he just wasn’t understanding me. I told him your uncle can’t marry your mom. That’s creepy. He said “no, it’s not!” I thought to myself, I can’t come over here anymore. No more Atari tournaments, no more slumber parties, no more flipping baseball cards with G. This house is creepy, and I can’t be a part of it. G didn’t realize why I was get freaked out. I repeated that Uncles can’t marry moms!! He asked “why not!”

Because that’s his sister!!!
G laughed at me like I was the stupid one. Turns out, in Indian culture, respected elders were called Uncle, whether they are related to you or not. I don’t remember how he explained that to me, but I finally understood. Man, Uncle Daddy was about to have me up in there praying for them fools. I still laugh whenever I think of that misunderstanding. It was like a bad episode of “Three’s Company”, with me playing Mr. Furley and G being Jack Tripper.

Black History Month: Dwayne Warned Me

2010-02-04T18:05:00.002-05:00

I call these posts Black History Month because I’m Black, and these stories are my history
“Dawg, you sure?”
“Yeah, let’s do it”
“I don’t know about this. But it’s your life”

I should have heeded the warning. Dwayne was only looking out for me. I’d known him for about 10 years, and in that time we became a little more than associates, a little less than friends. We would hang out every now and then, but it’s not like I would go to him for advice. I was hard headed, so I didn’t listen.

I sat in the chair, the buzzing resonating in my ears. Loud, rowdy conversations permeated the small room. I think one or two of the other patrons were drunk. I was taking a big step, but I was confident that it work out for me. I’ve never been the type to have regrets anyway. I flinched as the buzzing came closer, then bit into my skin. It stung for a hot second, but then it subsided and I sat there stone jawed as the artist went to work. I watched whatever trashy TV show that shop had on. I noticed that this was taking forever!! I wanted it to be over. I wanted to get out of that chair. But mostly I wanted to see what it looked like. I was conveniently shielded from the mirrors that hung on the wall of the shop. All I could see were pictures of the artist’s handy work on the wall, and the aforementioned TV. The incessant buzzing was getting to me, but I knew better than to ask when it was going to be over. I wanted his best work, not a rush job.
After about 45 minutes, it was over. He put the finishing touches on and then handed me a mirror to check it out. He put some rubbing alcohol on a cotton swab and cleaned the edges. I must have looked a little disappointed so he spoke.

“It’ll get darker, it’s just brand new.”

I stared at myself for a minute trying to decide if I liked it. I saw the contrast of the colors on my skin. I decided I didn’t like it, but I couldn’t say anything at the time. Everyone else had them, but it wasn’t for me. I should have listened to Dwayne, but now it was too late. I definitely would not be getting another one of these. I paid the man, and was on my way out the shop.

My first and last baldy. What, did you think I was talking about a tattoo? LOL My barber Dwayne was right. I should have listened. I had to deal with my pale white scalp for a few days until my hair grew back in.

Black History Month: Let's Play Ball

2010-02-03T20:01:00.001-05:00

I call these posts Black History Month because I'm Black, and these stories are my history...
Spring Valley, New York 1983

'Crrrraccck'

The sound of the baseball hitting on the wood bat excited me. I hurriedly ran to the makeshift first base, which was actually a record album, with my head down. I wasn't exactly fleet of foot, but I had major hustle. I knew something was wrong before I reached the base. The other kids scattered, running off in many different directions trying to flee the scene. The chants of "no batter, no batter" and "we want a pitcher, not a glass of water" were replaced with deafening silence, and only 8 year old Rashan remained in the courtyard. I soon realized why my cohorts had abandoned me. The shattered glass next to Mrs. Chumskly's apartment let me know that I had broken a window.

I don't really know why we were playing baseball in such a tight enclosed space. The courtyard was a patch of grass in between 2 sets of apartment buildings. I guess since we were small, we didn't think anyone would hit the ball hard enough to reach the apartments, but of course, it had to be me to do it. I couldn't even play baseball that well, but one lucky swing was about to get me in trouble. That's if anybody found out. I took my cue from my homeys, and ran away too, leaving my bat and glove outside. I went home nervous, but hopeful that I could get away with it.

When my mom got home from work, and asked me about my day, I neglected to mention the broken window. Every time the phone rang, I was nervous that it was Mrs. Chumskly or one of my friend's parents calling to spill the beans. At one point I took the phone off the receiver in the kitchen so it would ring busy. But that didn't last long. I remember having a hard time falling asleep that night, but I made it. When I awoke and realized it was a new day, I thought I had gotten away with it. Boy, was I wrong. Turns out one of the kids snitched to his parents, who later that day snitched to my mom. When my mom came home that day and asked me about it, I said something stupid:

"Oh yeah, I forgot!"

I got in trouble, not for the window, but for the lie. At the time, I thought my mom had to pay for the window, but now as an adult, I realize that maintenance probably fixed it. I don't know how I got held solely responsible. It's not like I pitched the ball to myself. It's not like I was the only one that was playing with a baseball, instead of the tennis ball we usually used. In the future, we still used the courtyard, much to Mrs. Chumskly's dismay, but we played football or kickball. There was no way I was going to play baseball there again.

Black History Month: Diane's Sausage Balls

2010-02-02T20:26:00.000-05:00

I call these posts "Black History Month" because I'm Black, and these stories are my history.

When I used to work at another bank, we used to have potlucks all the time. I was the manager of a team in a call center and just about everybody loved me. In addition to my team of 25, I was also de facto manager of another team of directory assistance people. You know the ones that just look up names and transfer you? Anyway, so one day my team and that team got together for a potluck. It was really disorganized. There was soul food, Mexican food, Chinese food, regular old American food. For a greedy man, it would be heaven. Well, let me take that back. I am greedy, but I’m not much for eating other people’s food. It may sound cliché, but I don’t know who’s clean and who’s not. I don’t know who cooks with their cats, or who doesn’t wash their hands after changing their baby’s diapers. People tell me to get over it, but that’s not gonna happen. Diane’s Sausage Balls were enough for me to never eat food from strangers again.

There was a woman on the DA team named Diane. She was a nice enough lady, but she looked a little less than clean. She had stringy hair that always seemed to be shedding, and her desk always had crumbs and coffee stains on it. You may think I’m judging a book by its cover, but how else am I to know if I want to read it… or to mix metaphors, if I want to eat her food. I already decided that I was not going to. Diane came into work with a silver cookie tin with what she called “Sausage Balls.” They were like meatballs, but made with ground sausage. In theory, they sound good, but considering the source, I was just not sure what else was ground up in them. I filled my plate with store bought stuff and food from people I trusted. Unfortunately Diane’s Sausage Balls didn’t quite make the cut.

Apparently everybody else was thinking the same thing too, because 3 hours later, while the rest of the food was only left with remnants, her tin of sausage balls remained virtually untouched. One of her co workers came and told me that she was crying because nobody wanted to try her food. I had a decision to make. Would I be a good manager, even though I wasn’t technically her manager, or should I stick to my guns? My mind and stomach told me that Diane would just have to get over it, but my heart (yes, I have a heart) told me that I should make her feel better by trying them. Guess which one won out? My heart! I tried Diane’s Sausage Balls, and they were pretty good. Not gourmet by any means, but they would do for a potluck. It made her day that I tried her potluck food! Once again, Rashan saved the day.

A little later, I noticed Diane wasn’t at her desk. I was supposed to stay on them to make sure they were answering the phones like they are supposed to. 5 minutes passed, then 10 with no sign of her. Then one of her co workers came to my desk.

“Diane is in the bathroom throwing up.”

WHAT?!? I didn’t care that she was sick, but I was worried about me. I ate those stupid sausage balls against my better judgment and now she got the ebola? My inner circle at work who knew what I did were dying laughing at me.

“That’s what you get for trying to be Super-Manager!”

I started sweating, and all of a sudden I felt light headed. I got up to go outside and get some air. I felt queasy, and my knees buckled a little. I stood outside while I composed myself, belly full and rumbling. I didn’t know what ailment I was getting, but I knew something was coming. I called my boss, and told her that I was leaving and why. She laughed at me. I went to my car and drove home. It was only about 5 minutes away, and I had to go. I just couldn’t stay there at home any longer waiting for the inevitable eruption. At home, I laid down, and next thing I know it was 7pm. I had been gone for 3 hours. I felt okay. I don’t know if it was psychosomatic or something real, but I do know one thing. I’ll never eat Diane’s Sausage Balls ever again!

Black History Month: The Burger King Backfire

2010-02-01T21:23:00.000-05:00

I call these posts Black History Month because I'm Black, and these stories are my history...

When I was a senior in high school, I didn’t have a car, and my only friend with a car was on a different lunch than me. So while all the more privileged upper classman would leave for lunch, I was stuck on campus. Even back then, I didn’t eat lunch often, but every now and then I wished that someone I knew would go to Burger King and get me a whopper w/cheese combo. It was literally 2 minutes down the road, and the closest place to my high school. Alas, most days, that didn’t happen. I usually sat in the library writing my rhymes, or hanging out in the chorus room with my homeys listening to music or singing the hits of the day. But one day was different. I was gonna get some Burger King and flaunt it in the faces of them clowns who never asked if I wanted anything.

My sister was in town for Spring Break, or maybe it was Winter Break. She was going to Spelman and her boyfriend went to Morehouse. Cliché, yeah, I know. But he was a cool dude. The night before I asked him if they could bring me some food at lunch, and to my surprise, they agreed. By this time, me and my sister got along, but I was still hesitant to ask her for anything. I was excited at the prospect of having BK, while the rest of the school had tater tots. I already planned out in my mind how I was gonna answer people when they asked what I was doing for lunch. “Nah, kid. Someone is bringing me some food.” They didn’t have to know it was my sister. It could have been anyone. You know I’m a very important dude, right? I’ll pause so you can laugh at my high school delusions. I know now that nobody cared, but in my young mind, It was gonna be serious!!!

So, lunch rolls around and I see Nikki and Gary pull up in his Jeep Wrangler. I go to the car and sit down while they pass me my whopper, fries and an orange soda. They tell me they have to go, so I head back to the front entrance. I had the soda inside the bag, since I also had my rhyme book in my other hand. Made it easier to carry. This dude I know says “Yo, you got BK?” I shake my head like “yeah”, but I don’t speak any words. I’m too cool for that. I’m walking towards the chorus room and suddenly I hear “WHAP”

The soda spilled, leaked through the bag causing all my fries to go scattering and my Whopper to fall on the floor. The wrapper opened and onions and pickles smeared with ketchup littered the floor. The worst part? My doggone burger was drenched. People all around me started laughing. I tried to play it off like I didn’t care, but I was mad embarrassed. I guess that’s what I get for bragging in my head about some cheap old Burger King! My plan backfired!

Battle Blogging

2010-01-31T21:15:00.001-05:00

As I’m sure everyone is aware of, I’m a huge hip hop fan. I grew up on East Coast battle raps, where the aim was to make yourself look good, while making other rappers look bad. It wasn’t mean spirited, well, not most of the time, and it was all about being witty, intelligent and using that word play. I still to this day love this era of hip hop the best. I mean I can dig the gangsta stuff if it’s done well, and I don’t mind money talk if you are clever, but if you gave me a choice, I’d take a bragging battle rapper any day. Big Daddy Kane was my all time favorite, Rakim was dope, LL back in the day was the man.

Every now and then, I’ll hear a rapper with great punch lines that I wish I wrote. See, I used to rap back in the day. I think I was pretty good. Had a bunch of clever punch lines and was a beast at freestyling. But then I turned 27 and lost all my skills. I don’t write anymore and my freestyle skills are worse than Lil Wayne, and you know he just be making up words and stuff. Since I don’t have that hip hop creativity anymore I thought should do something else with it. I need an outlet for my competitive juices. You know what I should do? I should start battle blogging!!! Let me start taking out other bloggers!!! Yeah, that’ll work!!!

Now, who wanna battle me?!? – (Yes, I know I’m silly)

Lazy Blogging = Music MeMe

2010-01-30T21:11:00.001-05:00

I know I've done this before, but now I got different music on the iPod. Plus, it's a lazy Saturday, so you get this and you'll like it. I SAID TAKE IT!!! READ THE POST, ANNA MAE!!!

INSTRUCTIONS:
1. Put your music player on shuffle.
2. Press forward for each question.
3. Use the song title as the answer to the question even if it doesn’t make sense. NO CHEATING!

How do you feel today?
Affirmative Action-Nas ft The Firm

What’s your outlook on life?
Flapjacks-Dwele

What does your family think of you?
Back Like That (Remix) -Ghostface Killah ft Kanye West and Ne-Yo

What do your friends think of you?
Reasons-Faith Evans

What do strangers think of you?
Woman- Raheem Devaughan

What do your exes think of you?
Passion Flower-Little Brother

How’s your love life?
Karma Chameleon - Culture Club

How will your love life be in the future?
How Big Is Your World - Median

Will you get married?
Kiss The Ring-Raekwon

Are you good at school?
Are You That Somebody - Aaliyah

Will you be successful?
I Tried - Jadakiss

What song should they play on your birthday?
I Can (9th Wonder Remix)-Nas

What song should they play at your graduation?
Ain't No Woman Like The One I Got- The Four Tops (mislabeled as The OJays on my iPod)

The Soundtrack of your life?
Hate-Jay-Z ft. Kanye West

You and your best friends are?
Hold U- Masta Ace ft Jean Grae

Happy times:
Make It Work-Q-Tip

Sad times:
She's A Maniac - Michael Sambello (Mislabeled as Hall and Oates on my iPod)

Every day:
Dead Presidents II - Jay-Z

For tomorrow:
One in a Million -Larry Graham

For you:
Ten Fresh Commandments -Daytona

What does next year have in store for me?
Easy (like Sunday Morning)- The Commodores

What do I say when life gets too hard?
Annakin's Prayer- Jay Electronica

What song will I dance to at my wedding?
Erotic City -Prince

What do you want as your career?
Dangerous MCs-Redman & Method Man

Your favorite saying?
Wack Niggas-Kanye West ft Common, Talib Kweli, and Consequence

How will I die?
Buddy--De La Soul ft Jungle Brothers, Tribe Called Quest, Queen Latifah and Monie Love

Manners

2010-01-29T22:26:00.001-05:00

I think I have pretty good manners. I say “may’ instead of “can”. I hold open doors for ladies. I say Thank you and please. I open Jameil’s car door (well, most of the time. I did forget once.) If a woman, or a baby, or a woman with a baby needs a seat, they can have mine. It’s not anything that I feel especially proud of. It’s just what you are supposed to do… Here’s why it came to mind. I work with some of the most ill mannered people in the world.

I was walking up to the building and this dude literally ran in front of a woman who I guess wasn’t moving fast enough for him as they were going up the stairs. He opened the door and didn’t even hold it for her. I was like “were you raised in a barn?” Then later I was in the cafeteria watching CNN and this girl was on her cell phone giving all the details of her secks life very loudly. She was in front of everybody, including older ladies, and management. It was ridiculous. But the epitome of rudeness comes from some of my coworkers comes when they are talking to people on the phone. There's no manners. It's all gimme instead of may I have, or yeah instead of yes. Or it's sir or ma'am, said in a way that actually means "bastard." It just gets on my nerves. I don't know why today it started bothering me enough to write about it, but it did, so I did.

Road Conspiracy

2010-01-28T17:54:00.000-05:00

I think there was a conspiracy against my car this morning on the way to work. There were 4 different road obstructions that I either ran over, or narrowly missed.

1. On 285, I’m in the 4th lane, cruising around 70 MPH. I see something in the road up ahead. I look to see if I can switch lanes. Cars to the left of me, cars to the right of me. None will slow down, or speed up. I slow down as the impending impact nears, but I still hit it at around 50 mph. I hear a thud as I run over a plank of wood. Thankfully, I didn’t hit any nails and blow my tire.

2. Still on 285 now, this time past Spaghetti Junction. I’m riding behind a painter’s truck. I see an orange Gatorade bucket coming dislodged from the mass of junk on the back of the cab. It was like slow motion. This time I was able to switch to the right lane and get out of the way before the bucket crashed to the highway. I sped up as much as possible to make sure it didn’t take a strange angle and somehow hit me. The car that was previously behind me wasn’t as lucky as I was.

3. Now, I’m on 75 heading north. I see taillights illuminating, although since it’s mad bright out, just barely. I decide to pass them on the left, since there is no reason to be going 50 MPH on the highway. I turn on the blinker to the empty lane next to me and am greeted by an unexpected sight… A leather recliner chair in the middle of the lane. Heart racing, I quickly change back to my original lane so I didn’t hit it. That would have sucked. I call 511 to report it, but couldn’t get through.

4. Finally off the highway, on the surface street by my job. I’m going like 30. All of a sudden a squirrel darts out in front of my car. I thought about swerving, but I would have hit a car next to me. So the squirrel just had to take a loss. I actually don’t know if I hit it or not since when I parked I didn’t see any blood or guts, but I was so glad to finally be off the roads. Seemed like they was out to get me today.

State of the Union Drinking Game

2010-01-27T19:28:00.000-05:00

You guys can play this, since I won't be watching. It's not that I'm not political, its that I'm not one for all that speechifying. I know what I believe, and I'm going to be swayed by rhetoric on either side. Besides, I can get the play by play on the news after without having to listen to the whole thing. However, if you got some liquor, a few shot glasses and some homies, you might be able to make the State of the Union fun tonight. For example:

Every time Obama says "At the end of the day" = take a shot.

Every mention of a depressed town in Indiana = 2 shots.

Every time the camera pans to a disgruntled Republican congressman = take a shot of Red Stripe (get it, red?)

Every time immigration reform is brought up = shot of tequila, followed by salt and lime.

Every time he says "Wall Street vs. Main Street" = take a shot of some aged scotch or some MD2020 depending on which street you reside on.

Every mention of alternative energy choices = shot of organic beer

Every mention of Healthcare legislation = shot of light beer.

Every time Obama says "let me be clear" = shot of a clear liquor, like vodka or gin.

Every mention of "our brave men and women of the armed forces" = take a shot of an All American Bud

If someone breaks decorum, like yelling out "YOU LIE!" = just go 'head and finish the bottle then throw at your tv.

After writing this, I saw some other State of the Union drinking games on twitter. I promise I didn't steal this idea. It came from a conversation I was having with Jameil earlier today.

Oh Baby!!!

2010-01-26T21:08:00.000-05:00

The first time it was exciting. Something brand new. I was like “awww how cute!”

The second time, it was less exciting, but still pretty cool. I didn’t really engage as much as the first time, but it was still a novelty.

The third time… for real? You again? How many times are you gonna bring that to work? This ain’t show and tell!!!

Now it’s like the 50th time, and I just want to say… ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!!! Please stop bringing your kid up here. Nobody likes you, and we are getting dangerously close to the point where we don’t like your kid either. We don’t really need to hear him crying and knocking over stuff while we try to work. He’s not a baby anymore, which means that we don’t need to see him 2 times a week. Don’t you have daycare? Does he just hang out with you at your desk every day? See, your baby is like p.orn. The first time, yeah, you’ll check it out. But you don’t wanna be seeing that every day of your life. Wait.. your baby is like an Adam Sandler movie. You’ve seen one, and you pretty much know what’s going to happen. Wait.. your baby is like telling off your boss... It’s a good concept, but one left better to imagination. Are you getting the point that I don’t want to see you parading your kid around the job anymore? If not then let me reiterate: Please stop bringing Jr. to the office. We’ve had our fill.

Please and Thank You!

Rashan Jamal

I Think It's Time

2010-01-25T21:22:00.000-05:00

I think it's time for me to change my phone number. I've had the same number since 2001, and in that time period, way too many people have received my number. That means old girlfriends, people I met and went out with once or twice, stalker chicks that were supposed to use my number for business, and then tried to use it for "that business." Old co workers, I never intend to see again. Current co workers that like to invite me to the club even though anybody that knows me knows I aint going. Old managers that like to send mass text messages at 8 in the morning, bill collectors, my brother's bill collectors, my sister's bill collectors. I remember a company called Pro Move that was supposed to find me an apartment, but instead called me all the time. At some point, my number got on the mailing list of a club that I never been too. All those stores that have asked for my number to complete a sale. All them different bloggers that have my number. Some I wouldn't mind hearing from, the other's that'll get ignored if they call. Yeah, way too many people have my number. I think it's time for a change.

Except, I don't want to learn another number. And I don't feel like calling Sprint to get them to change my number, so nevermind. I'll just keep this same number. It's almost my 10 year phone-aversary. LOL

I'm Stuffed, Yo!

2010-01-24T22:50:00.000-05:00

That's what she said. LOL! But for real, I feel like I couldn't possibly eat another bite, but all I want to do is have some more. Jameil and I, well mostly Jameil made the fattest dinner we've ever had tonight. Strip steak, with blue cheese angel hair pasta, with bacon crumpled up on top. While you may be thinking it was Paula Deen recipe, it was really Rachael Ray. When I tell you that thing was crazy good, I mean it. Weren't no veggies, just pure carbs and fat. I feel like I need to go take a walk. I think I will, but first, I just might have to sneak a forkful of this pasta while Jameil's not looking. I'm sure, she'll post a recipe on one of her blogs.

I decided that I'm going to spend another day in Gainesville. I was supposed to be going back tonight, but I don't feel like leaving. I've only been here less than 48 hours and frankly that wasn't enough. So I'll leave tomorrow night. That way instead of having a 3 day work week (I was supposed to work Saturday, oops) I'll have just a 2 day workweek. I can dig that. I need a longer vacation anyway. I need to remember to put in my time for Jameil's Spring Break when I get back. I don't know if we are going to do anything, but at least we can spend a week together.

Anyway, I need to go distract Jameil, so she doesn't see me shoving another bite of that pasta in my mouth. I'm sure she thinks I've had enough already. She's probably right, but if you tasted what I tasted, you would get some more too.

Song Thief

2010-01-23T20:12:00.000-05:00

Jameil likes to steal. Steal my songs that is. If I randomly blurt out a part of a song, Jameil is there to finish it. It's hilarious. I noticed it the other day, although now that I think about it, she does it all the time. I was singing some song and before I finished the first line, she broke out all loud with the next line. I can't remember what song it was, but let's pretend it was "Forever My Lady"

ME: "So you're having my...

JAMEIL: BABY!! And it means so much to me.

And then she'll just take the song over like it was her idea. Thief! LOL

Trip Time

2010-01-22T20:58:00.000-05:00

I guess it’s my turn to be a road warrior again. Soon as I leave work, I’m heading down to Jameil’s for the weekend. It’s been almost 2 months since I’ve been to Florida. She was in ATL for most of the winter break and I did take a jaunt up to Charlotte for Christmas, but I haven’t been down south in a while. I’m looking forward to some warm weather, some good food and of course spending time with Jameil. I think I’ve got my packing down to a science as much as I travel down south. Last night, I was finished in 5 minutes. I was done so quickly that I thought I must have forgotten something. It was too easy. Of course, that didn’t stop me from running around like a chicken sans head this morning making sure I didn’t leave anything. That, I guess, will continue to happen. It’s not meant for me to leave the house on time. Anyway, I hope everybody has a great weekend, and if you’re bored come check out my blog. See, even though I’m not going to be in town, I’m still going to have to post so Jameil doesn’t defeat me in this test of wills. I couldn’t bear to hear her gloating AGAIN!!!

Thursday Thirteen: Randoms From A Day Long Training Class

2010-01-21T20:37:00.001-05:00

Black bluto – There’s a dude in my training class that sounds and looks like Bluto from Popeye. I feel like I need to hide Olive Oyl from this cat cuz he just might snatch her up.

Shhh – Why come this woman kept shh-ing people all day? Not the trainer, but just some random loud woman who apparently wanted to be the only one having a non related conversation. Annoying!

I’m always right – As always, I’m correcting people. I tried not to, but some stuff was just too blatant to let slide. Now I see why people don’t like me. I’m a know it all.

Is that a man? - So I’m looking outside the window of the training room. They call it the fishbowl because people can see in, and we also can see out. All of a sudden everyone around me starting looking at this woman. Except it wasn’t a woman, at least I don’t think so. She looked like Evander Holyfield, and the apple told me that she was a he. Diversity in the work place.

Little Orphan – There was a black woman dark as Wesley Snipes with some bright orange hair. It looked ridiculous.

Time Zones – Are time zones hard? Like Eastern, Central, Mountain, and Pacific? I’m not asking what time it is in Bali Bali or Mogodishu. Can’t you figure out what time it is in California?

Philosophical Dumbness – Me and a co worker were having a philosophical discussion on the dumbness of our co workers on IM. We figured out that dumb people don’t realize that they are dumb.

Facebook – While I was supposed to be listening in class, I figured out how to get around the firewalls to see Facebook at work again. It’s a bootleg version, but I can see profiles and status updates. Now to figure out how to see Twitter.

That’s A Win For The Customer – I swear fo’ God, if this lady says this one more time, I’m gonna black out. We get it. The whole thing is a win for the customer. You don’t have to keep saying it every 5 minutes.

Keep still – Another woman was squirming in her seat all day like she had hemorrhoids. She definitely needed one of them rubber donuts because she was moving 7 out of 8 of the hours we were in the class.

Spelling Errors – For real, you don’t proofread this training material before you present it? Just unprofessional.

Reading Is Fundamental – I wrote about this one before, but some people just don’t know words. I wish that they would NOT volunteer to read if they know they are on a 4th grade level. On another note, the trainer didn't know my name so she never called on me. That was fine with me since I wasn't paying much attention anyway.

Skip To My Lou – The trainer keeps skipping all over the place. We aren’t going in the order of the documents. It’s unnecessarily confusing. Also, she skips over parts of the text that she doesn’t understand…even if it’s important.

Wednesday

2010-01-20T22:42:00.000-05:00

I love Wednesdays. Ever since I changed to a 4 day work week, I look forward to the middle of the week. I'm off on most weekends, but every Wednesday. It's the day that keeps me sane. There's nothing like working 2 days, and then getting a day off. I can leave work on Tuesday ready to snap, but then I have a day off to recharge. If I have stuff to do, I can take care of it on Wednesday. I'm not the type that's going to get up before work to handle business. And by the time I get off work, it's late at night, so I can't do anything. Wednesdays are perfect for me. I can get a haircut, go shopping, take care of whatever I have to. If I have nothing to do, it's even better. Like today for instance. I had everything my heart could require already, so I didn't have to leave the house. Got my haircut last week, so no need for that. Went grocery shopping so I had food, so no trips to get fast food. All I had to do today was just watch movies, play some Wii, and play around on the computer. Oh and take a 4 hour nap in the middle of the day. That was awesome. The only bad thing about having Wednesdays off, is that I have to go back to work on Thursday.

Some Horror Movie Stuff

2010-01-19T23:24:00.001-05:00

I'm walking from the office to the garage tonight and I hear a rustling sound. I dismiss it because it could easily just be leaves in the wind or something. I take a few more steps and hear it again. This time I turn around and look. Is someone following me? There's nobody behind me, so I keep on stepping. I hear the sound again, only this time it's a lot louder and sounds like it's getting close to me. I check again, and this time I see some movement in the trees right across the street that runs behind the job. What the heck was that? I keep walking, but now I'm looking to see if something is going to jump out at me. Yeah, I know it sounds paranoid, but it is what it is. I get a flashback of a couple of years ago when I saw 2 silver foxes posted up outside the parking garage. That night was creepy. It probably wasn't, but my memory says there was a full moon. I do remember being paralyzed by fear. Couldn't move forward, couldn't move backwards. I just stood there until they scampered off. I had another flashback of the afternoon, when someone was walking their dogs sans leash and they ran up on me. I really, really hate dogs and I swear them little beasts were barking "nigger" at me. Ol racist canines!! I was hoping that neither one of these scenarios would repeat themselves. I didn't even think of the obvious. One of my stalkers done found me and was hiding in the bushes waiting to ambush me with a gun, or a big hug or something. Wait, that's not the obvious, but you know, knowing me, it could happen. I'm a few steps from the entrance of the parking garage and I take one last glimpse at the treeline. I hear something coming closer. I see the rustling of the leaves. This is it. I wish I had a weapon of sorts, but whatever is coming at me, is gonna the ish kicked out of it if it runs up on me. I steel myself, ready for the confrontation. That's when I see it.

A cute little bunny rabbit hopped by without incident. I'm so scary. I can't believe Bambi (As Not So Anonymous pointed out I meant Thumper. Typing too fast.) had me shook like that. How embarrassing!!!

Gimme The Loot

2010-01-18T19:17:00.000-05:00

Loot: goods stolen or taken by force, as from a captured enemy city in wartime or by a corrupt official or by rioters; plunder; spoils

I admit that I did not know the official definition of the word “loot” before I started writing this post. I do also admit that the application of the word to describe the victims of the Haiti earthquake makes me mad uncomfortable. Imagine what you would do if your home was destroyed, bodies lined the streets, and you had nothing to eat. Would you loot, as the news media is so fond of labeling it? I know I would. I don’t mean that I would steal TVs or couches, but I sure would do whatever I had to do to survive. If that means taking whatever food and water is handy, then so be it. Am I supposed to just wallow near death, when there is an alternative? The insinuation of these news reports is that these Haitian, and by extension black people are unruly. GTFOHWTBS! People is hungry, yo! Why shouldn’t they take what they can get?

I’m sure there are people trying to get over in Haiti, but I think the characterization of “widespread looting” may be overblown. The UN says looting is limited, but nary a news article goes by that doesn’t mention it. Or maybe it is happening, but I honestly believe that if this disaster took place in a land that was not populated by black faces, it wouldn’t be mentioned in every article. Do I have proof? Nothing other than my memory and while that may not be good enough for you, it certainly is good enough for me. I just wish that news organizations would apply negative labels like "looter" equally.

Family Ties

2010-01-17T22:40:00.003-05:00

I hung out with my sister and her kids Sunday. It always amazes me not only how big they are getting, but how they are real people. I know it sounds cliche, but I remember them when they were babies that couldn't do anything for themselves, but now they are all unique individuals. I don't know what's going on with the formatting, but I can't fix it, so you'll just have to deal with it. LOL

MY NEPHEW TOOK THIS PICTURE, HE WAS SHAKING LIKE MUHAMMAD ALI, BUT STILL MANAGED TO GET THE SHOT.

MY NEPHEW IS 13 AND TALLER THAN ME! MY NIECE IS 12 AND WILL BE TALLER THAN ME IN ABOUT 5...4...3...2...

WHEN NEPHEW SMILES LIKE THIS, I ALMOST CAN FORGET THAT HE WAS TRYING TO HIT ME WITH A BASEBALL BAT, REMOTE CONTROL, BOTTLE OF LOTION, AND ANYTHING ELSE HE COULD GET HIS HANDS ON. BAD, BUT I LOVE HIM.

HAD TO SHOW YOU THE SOCKS. MY NIECE IS... HOW SHOULD I SAY... ECCENTRIC! LOL

Thanks Batman!!!

2010-01-16T21:54:00.001-05:00

FOR TURNING THIS:

INTO THIS:

Isn't TV a great babysitter???

Don't Stand So Close To Me

2010-01-15T22:12:00.000-05:00

I’m starting to get ‘noid, yo! So far, 2010 is the year of death being in close proximity to me. First there was this story where a dude killed his wife. He then drove his kids to Virginia and then back to GA to turn himself in… Did I forget to mention that his dead wife was in the back of the truck the whole time? Yeah, he lived down the street from me. http://www.ajc.com/news/dekalb/man-drove-around-for-268386.html. Then on Tuesday, a dude shot up his old job and killed 3 people around the corner from my job. They even caught him one street over from my office. http://www.ajc.com/news/cobb/cobb-shooter-chose-victims-273801.html. Then today, I read a story about an explosion at a gas station one exit up from me. I often go that way to go to the grocery store or just when I’m riding around aimlessly. One person got killed http://www.ajc.com/news/dekalb/one-person-dead-in-276374.html.

For real, death. Can you just back off me a little bit? Get up out my area? Please don’t stand so close to me.

I Give Up

2010-01-14T23:29:00.000-05:00

Jameil, you win. I tried to post everyday and I've been doing a bang up job. I just can't keep going. I have now posted 75 consecutive days. That's pretty darn good right? I deserve a break. I honestly wanted to stop January 1st. I don't have anything left to prove. I know I was wack with posting before, but now I'm back in the groove. I think you all know by now that I'm back. If only my girlfriend wasn't so competitive, I could just take a day off without having to hear her gloat about how she is better than me. But alas... I'll just have to deal with it. I don't have anything to write about today, so I give up.

Oh yeah, PSYCHE!!! I'm gonna keep on posting until I win this war of attrition. Take that, Jameil!!! You gonna do 75 more days? Are you down for that cuz I am!!! You should just quit now and get it over with!

Guess My Responses

2010-01-13T23:19:00.001-05:00

I went to a different barbershop today, and predictably, crazy followed. My barber would not stop talking to me. I can't stand that. It was the longest 20 minutes of my life. Okay, that's an exaggeration. But it was the longest 20 minutes of my day. Here are some of things he said: Try to guess my responses:

"Hey Dawg, I'll give you $5 off your haircut if you run me down to the Atrium for this DJ contest"

"We are all about the customer service here. We mean it, my nigga!"

"You think Jay-Z is in the Illuminati?" -

"What exactly is the illuminati?"

"You on twitter, my man? You should follow me!"

"I heard it from a reliable source. Will Smith is gay."

"I hate DJing grown and sexy parties. I can't even scratch Frankie Beverly. Can you imagine what they would think?."

"I used to be scared to put a razor to a nigga's head. I'm still kinda getting used to it."

At least the haircut came out okay. But I won't be going back to that barber shop anymore.

Tuesday's Randoms

2010-01-12T21:01:00.000-05:00

1999 ruined Lauryn Hill for me. I loved her album, but what I didn’t love was hearing it EVERYWHERE I went. Party? Let’s play Lauryn. Playing Cards? Let’s play Lauryn. Bat Mitzvah? Let’s play Lauryn. To this day, I still can’t bring myself to listen to that classic album.

I wish someone would please tell my co-worker to stop tooting that thang up. She sits in her chair on her knees and just her very, very large backside in the air all day. It can’t be comfortable for her, and it sure is not comfortable for me. She needs to cut that out. No if, and, or butts about it.

I really don’t like when people try to pat themselves on the back. The big boss interrupted our team meeting today so he could self congratulate himself on his decision to close the office Friday because of the snow. Really? It was your decision? No, it wasn’t. Sure you played a part in it, but don’t act like you are autonomous and that we should praise you for using common sense.

Just once, I want someone who was caught using steroids to tell the truth. I took steroids and it helped me be a better baseball player. Thanks steroids for getting me that $100 million dollar contract and the endorsement deal with Pepsi. Either that or just shut up and don’t say anything about it. Fake apologies make me sick. You don’t think it was a bad idea, you are just sad you got caught. And btw, stop the blood clot crying..

I swear that it is just not meant for me bring my lunch to work. Sunday, I made a chicken alfredo pasta, put some in a Tupperware container for lunch on Monday, and proceeded to leave it right in the fridge. I was running late. Today, I was actually early, but I still forgot to bring my lunch. What is wrong with me? I mean, besides hunger at lunch time.

I usually go to lunch somewhere around 4PM. Sometimes I move my car from the garage, to the parking lot close to the building. The idea is that I’d rather have my car handy when I leave than adding another 4 minutes to the time I can actually get out of here. Usually, around 4:06, the morning people start clearing out and I can park wherever I want. Except today. I moved my car at 4:15 and the stupid parking lot was full. I almost drove back to the garage, but I decided to just drive around til someone left, which happened at 4:27, 3 minutes before I was supposed to go back to work. That would have sucked if I had to walk twice in one day. *bracesforJameil'slazycomment*
I was just listening to LSG’s My Body, and got to thinking about musical supergroups. You know when some solo artists get together with other solo artists and make a group. I remember reading that Tank, Ginuine, and Tyrese were trying to make a supergroup. I was like, thanks B- level R&B singers. I really want that album. Please tell me you can sense my sarcasm. It got me thinking of some other possible wack combinations like: Never mind, this just gave me an idea for a separate post. Disregard what you’ve read so far, because you’ll be seeing this later this week. LOL

Am I the only one that can’t do anything with gloves on? I feel like my hands have been replaced by big giant nothings. I can’t turn a car key, I can barely open a door, I can’t scratch my… wait, that’s TMI. The point is that I can’t do anything with gloves on.

Someone around me seriously smells like greens. I don’t know who, and I don’t know why. I don’t see any greens around. I really hope that isn’t what the co worker next to me thinks it is: flatulence.
Hey, you! I passed this woman I know from a friend of a friend today. She was all excited. She said. “HEY, YOU!!!” I could tell she didn’t remember my name. She had that look like “where do I know this dude from?” I wanted to say. ‘It’s okay, I don’t remember your name either”, but instead I said. “It’s okay, I don’t remember your name either.” LOL – I’m so silly.

4 Things That Made Me Say... "Ummm."

2010-01-11T23:48:00.000-05:00

"Rashan - Thank you for not being a dirty old man" - 24 year old co worker. I didn't know how to respond. Ummm.. you're welcome? It came all out of the blue.

"I didn't take my meds today. My wife is going to be in for tonight. I feel the crazy coming on" - Bipolar lesbian co worker. Ummm...okay. And please go take your crazy pills.

"I don't want a gardenburger. I want a veggie burger. - Some random person in the cafeteria. Ummm...isn't a garden burger the same thing? Eat your soy and be quiet.

"I don't give out my first name. Call me Mrs. Johnson." - co-worker to customer on phone. Ummm... are you for real with that? You don't give out your FIRST name?

Cold

2010-01-10T21:07:00.000-05:00

As much as I hate it, I think I'm getting used to the cold. It hasn't been over freezing since Thursday, except for like an hour where it was 32 degrees. Just last week I found myself getting cold all the time. I had to start wearing two pairs of socks and my gloves when I went to work. I'm sure I'll do that again when I go back tomorrow, but I've been desensitized. The ice and snow is still on the stairs, but it doesn't bother me as much as it did. I went to the grocery store today, and wasn't even cold walking in the parking lot.

Speaking of cold, I want to share a little anecdote with you. When Jameil was here last week, and we went out in the cold, she used to wonder why I never closed my coat. Like if I am as cold as I say I am, wouldn't it make sense to zip my coat? I didn't even think about it. I just told her that I never close my coat. Then the other day when it was bitterly cold, as I was walking from my office to the parking garage, I decided enough was enough. I need to zip this mug up. My coat, which I stole from my brother, because I didn't usually get cold enough to justify paying for a winter coat, has this crazy zipper that just doesn't want to zip up I swear I've zipped things up before, but I just couldn't do it with this coat. The darn thing wouldn't attach to the other darn thing. Can you tell I don't know what they are called? And that's when I remembered. It wasn't style or comfort, it was just plain ineptitude. I can't figure out how to zip up my zipper. Good going, Rashan. Maybe I'll actually buy a coat... next year. This cold season is almost over.

I Saw It Coming

2010-01-09T21:02:00.000-05:00

I saw it coming and I knew that I had to do something to avoid it. He was a white guy about 60 years old, balding on top but with a long white ponytail hanging down the back. He was wearing a ski anorak, with sweatpants and black flipflops on top of his two tone blue socks. What came to mind when I saw him was a professor at a liberal arts college. I don't know why that popped in my head, but he looked like on of those aging hippies that now live in an exclusive neighborhood, and smokes a pipe in his old beat up Saab station wagon with ironic bumper stickers. You know those corny ones that say "Honk if you are against noise pollution." Okay, maybe that wasn't an impression. I did see a car like that in the parking lot, that probably belonged to him. But I digress.

I was in line at Subway trying to get my $5 footlong tuna sub, and he was in front of me. He kept looking back in my direction. I sensed that he was trying to engage me, but I would have none of that. I turned my back to him and stared at the snow that was accumulated in the parking lot. People always try to talk to me, and with the unusual weather in our area, that was the perfect opening for him. I was all about denying that opening. He moved forward as one South Asian clerk behind the partition loaded his veggies on his sub, and another one took my order. I was safe. No conversations for me! Or so I thought...

I was no longer looking out the window, I was watching the clerk scoop out the tuna onto my italian herbs and cheese bread when I saw him walk towards me. I saw that look in his eyes, so I did the only thing I could do. I grabbed my phone out of my pocket and said Hello. No, there was no one on the phone, but that was the only way I could stop him from talking to me. He went back toward the register as I had a a fake conversation with myself. "Yeah, I'm at subway.. uh huh, yeah" The professor went to the register and handed the cashier his money, while I told the other guy what I wanted on my sandwich. I escaped without incident again... Or so I thought.

The cashier was having problems with the register, so she had to wait for the guy that was helping me to finish. Which meant that professor was still standing there, fidgeting and dying to talk to me. Why did I end my fake conversation? Could I really pull the fake phone call twice in a short period? Probably not, so I just looked down to avoid eye contact. Did.nt work! He pounced like a lion on a wounded antelope.

"Sure is cold, isn't it?... I moved to Atlanta to get away from the snow... This is nothing compared to Michigan... People can't drive in the snow down here..."

All in a matter of like 2 minutes. With no responses from me other than nodding my head. I saw it coming, but I still couldn't stop it.

Snow Day

2010-01-08T23:52:00.000-05:00

Guess who had a snow day! ME!!! The roads were mad icy and people were crashing left and right so my job finally got a conscience and decided to let us stay home. That never happens. As for the day, it was great. I did nothing but eat a tuna sub watch movies and sleep. I slept for 5 hours in the middle of day. It was awesome. It was so awesome that I almost forgot to post and Jameil sure didn't remind me. Right now we are watching a movie together over the phone, but I'm not paying attention so I can type this. I hope I don't miss too much. It's a pretty good movie so far. A Hindi movie called Wake Up Sid. It's strange how they keep switching between English and Hindi languages. Luckily they are having a musical montage,so I'm sure I won't be too far behind when I resume watching. Anyway, Happy Snow Day to me, and Happy Friday to you!

Wine And Cheese: An Apology

2010-01-07T20:11:00.000-05:00

Hey, wine. I'm sorry. I don't know how I used to ridicule you. Even call you gay. I had no idea what I was talking about. I used to avoid you because I thought I couldn't catch a buzz off you. Dude, my bad. I was wrong. Please accept my apology. I'm just sorry that I wasted 33 years before I started liking you. Cheese, please forgive me for my many transgressions with Velveeta. And my many transgressions with Kraft slices. I should have realized that they aren't real cheese. I know its no excuse, but I grew up with them, and I had no idea of the versatility that real cheese offers. I can't even stand that processed stuff anymore and I'm all about the real stuff. Pepper jack, monchego , havarti... doesn't matter. I'm now a believer. Please accept my apologies.

This post was inspired by some pinot grigio and the pepper jack cheese I put on my burger tonight. LOL

I Can't Make This Stuff Up

2010-01-06T21:09:00.000-05:00

This is an actual work email we recieved entitled "LET'S DROP IT LIKE IT'S HOT" - On the off chance that someone I work with reads this blog one day, I'll keep my comments to myself, but you feel free to skewer it in the comments. The formatting and clip art are actually what was sent to us.

ARE YOU FRUSTRATED WITH THINGS IN YOUR LIFE??? DO YOU HAVE A LOT ON YOUR MIND???

HAS THE ECONOMY GOTTEN YOU DOWN??? . SO……. RATHER THAN GET FRUSTRATED, ANGRY,UNDELIGHTFUL WITH OUR CUSTOMERS’ . WE HAVE A SOLUTION………

“LET’S DROP IT LIKE ITS HOT!!!!!!!”

AT THE END OF EACH MANAGER’S BAY IS A RED BAG ALONG WITH ENVELOPES, PEN AND PAPER. AT THE BEGINNING OF YOUR SHIFT (OR DURING) WRITE DOWN THE ISSUES THAT ARE BOTHERING YOU, (COMPLETELY CONFIDENTIAL, NEVER TO BE READ) AND DROP THEM IN THE BAG. YOU CAN PICK THEM UP AT THE END OF THE DAY OR THEY CAN BE SHREDDED (YOUR CHOICE).

WITH THE PRESSURES LIFTED, YOU CAN BE DELIGHTFUL, CALM, EFFICIENT ASSOCIATES; DELIVERING THE “CUSTOMER TREATMENT” OUR CUSTOMERS DESERVE!!!

I'm Gonna Miss Her

2010-01-05T23:38:00.000-05:00

Here we go again. Tomorrow Jameil is going back to Florida to start another semester. It's gonna suck. I know she has to go handle her business, but I don't want her to go. I get spoiled in a short period of time. It's really cool coming home from a hard day at work and having her there. Even when we are getting on each other's nerves, which happens with a whole lot less frequency, I don't want her to go away. And it's not just that she cooks for me, like she is doing right now. I'm sure you'll see this recipe on her blog, but it smell gooder than a mug up in my crib right now. Plus there were Oatmeal raisin cookies waiting for me when I got here. Who has the best girlfriend in the world? Raise your hand if you name is Rashan. Anyway, I guess I have to get used to just talking on the phone and sleeping on the couch again. I'll make it, but I don't like it. I can't wait for this long distance thing to become short distance.

No More Bad News

2010-01-04T23:15:00.002-05:00

And to add to the bad news from the end of 2009, I found out that my former best friend, the only dude I could actually call my friend is locked up. He's been on and off drugs for well over a decade, causing me to have to pull back from him. All of my stories from my younger days involve Kareem in one or another. Here's a pretty concise recap about our relationship: http://visionz74.blogspot.com/2006/08/i-remember.html I went years without knowing whether he was dead or alive, until a couple of years ago when I saw him in Savannah for Thanksgiving. He had been in out of jail for petty crimes and drug crimes. At the time he was clean, but I was still troubled by his instability. I wrote a post about it: http://rashansbeatsrhymesandlife.blogspot.com/2008/06/are-you-in-cult.html .Then next thing I knew he disappeared again. He was supposed to be getting married, and I was supposed to be best man (possibly, I wasn't sure I was ready to get involved in his life) but alas life took him in another direction. My mom caught up with his mom, who told her that he had a relapse, didn't get married and is now serving 8 years for something to do with a stolen car. Honestly I don't even know whether it's better that he's locked up or not. At least he can't kill himself with drugs while in the pen. But for real, I don't wanna hear no more bad news.

Happy New Year

2010-01-03T23:34:00.000-05:00

12/31/09 - Phone rings. It's my sister. I'm at work so I can't answer it. Phone rings again: It's my brother. I didn't notice this until it was time for break. I see both of these calls and they both left a message. Immediately I think, "who died?"

Message 2: Hey, this is Jelani. Give me a call when you get a chance.

Message 1: Hey, this is Nikki. Tongi has taken a turn for the worse and I'm hoping you can go visit. She's in ICU, so you won't be able to see her, but you can go give support to the family.

Yeah, I'm not gonna be able to do that. Tongi is my first cousin, who lives like 20 minutes away. I don't know what is wrong with her, but she either had tumors around her heart, had a heart attack or both. Getting information from my family is quite a task. They make things sound worse than they are, or not as serious as they are. It's flummoxing. Last I heard she weighed 77 pounds. She was always skinny, but of course not that skinny. It sounds bad. It doesn't sound like she's gonna make it. But I don't want to go to the hospital. I don't do well with death and I do even worse with sickness. Like what am I supposed to do while she's laying there Am I supposed to know what to say to her husband and her kids? Do they even know who I am? I've seen her 3 times in the last 10 years. I don't even know her married last name. Yeah, I'm not the man for this job.

I'm glad my sister came up to visit to represent for the family, because I wouldn't be able to do it..I hope that this is another one of those situations where my family exaggerates . For example, my mom's husband who died last year, was supposed to have died 3 years ago. I never know what will really happen. Not a good start to the New Year though.

You Might Be A Drunk..

2010-01-02T23:00:00.000-05:00

If you don't leave the house all day except to hit the liquor store when it's 24 degrees in Atlanta. Not me, of course, but if you do that you may be a drunk.

New Year's Eve In Pictures

2010-01-01T22:59:00.000-05:00

The Surprisingly Lame Peach

Getting Pushed By A Crowd, But Still Posing

Still Posing Pt 2. - Remind me to tell you about the dude I called Blindside.

Couldn't hear the countdown, but the peach is dropping. Must be midnight.

The Peach is Dropped...now what?

Morris Day & The Time

Thursday Thirteen: Things I Want To Do In 2010

2009-12-31T11:00:00.002-05:00

These aren't resolutions, just things I want to do for the New Year. What's the difference? I don't know that there is one. I just don't like the idea of New Years Resolutions.

1. Travel out of the country - Step one - get a passport, step two - convince someone to buy me a ticket

2. Start sleeping like a normal person.- for instance, right now while I'm typing this, its 5:37 and I'm not close to being sleepy.

3. Get a job that lets me use my brain - self explanatory. I'm too smart for what I do. I sometimes get scared that I'm like my father. He was brilliant, but never could parlay that into a career. Maybe it was the drugs, but it still concerns me if I'm being real.

4. Find out about my father's birth parents - He was adopted and I know nothing about his birth parents. In fact the only thing I know is the legend of how he was adopted. Apparently my grandmother was a nurse, and just brought him home one day. Things were different back in 1948. I don't know how I'm going to do this since he's dead, and my grandparents are dead, and I don't know any of the family that are still living, but I should at least try.

5. Relearn French, and/or learn Spanish - I can recognize some French, but when I speak it I sound like un idiot. And since the whole country is going Spanish, I want to be able to communicate with my Hispanic brothers and sisters.

6. Conquer my addiction(s) - I'm not going to tell you what they are. If you know me, you already know. If not, I don't want to get lectured by you too. That is counter productive.

7. Go to a dope concert - I can't believe I didn't go to one show in 2009. As much as I love music, I've got to fix that.

8. Attend at least a game each of the big 3 sports. Football, basketball, baseball. - We got the Falcons, the Hawks and the Braves in town. I think I can manage to do at least 2 of the 3.

9. Get back to writing. Either finish some of the old stuff, or crank out something new. - It's crazy that I have movies in my head that don't translate when I try to write them. I want to apply myself this year.

10. Spend some quality time with the nephews and nieces. - Maybe I'll take them to a game. Knock out two goals with one stone.

11. Do something, anything unexpected. - Stepping out my comfort zone would be a plus. I want to do something that makes you say "DAMN!! I can't believe Rah did that." I don't know what it would be. Maybe something as simple as taking a dance class or something crazy like bungee jumping. Yeah, probably wont be bungee jumping.

12. Get Jameil a gift that is not practical at all, but that she will love. - I'm not a good gift giver. I know that. Jameil makes it easy for me by telling me what she wants. Or if she needs something, I'm there. I want to get her something that she would never ask for, or get for herself. Hmmm... I'm drawing a blank, but I have 365 days to think of something.

13. _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ - I can't tell you this one because you bloggers don't know how to act. Mind your business, nosy!!! LOL

We Be Clubbin'

2009-12-30T11:00:00.001-05:00

Saturday night in Charlotte, I went out with Jameil, her cousin and her husband. It was his birthday, so we went out to dinner at this spot called Mez. It was cool. Good food, good conversation and afterwards, he wanted to hit up a club. I didn't know we were going to do that, but I was down. We headed to this spot called Tempo.

Let me get this straight. Your club is housed in what looks like an Elks lodge/renovated barn. Your parking lot is a mixture of mud and gravel. You have a lady selling homemade incense in the hallway. You got an large man in a bright red jacket spinning around looking like the Kool-Aid Man. Your music is not playing loud enough that I have to talk above my normal voice to be heard. Ain't nobody dancing. There are women with gold everything outfits. There are men with Coogi shirts on. I can smell the desperation in the air, or maybe that's the Black Love incense that's burning all night long. Bad weaves and age inappropriate clothes are the norm. There are middle aged men leering at 20 something females and desperate looking 20 something females showing all their cleavage to these same middle aged men.

And you didn't want to let me in because I didn't have on the right shoes? Like I said, I didn't know I was going to a grown and sexy club, otherwise I would have broke out the hard bottoms. But for real, it wasn't that serious. I was still easily in the top ten percentile of dopeness in my pink shirt, jeans and casual shoes. I got in on the strength of the cousin's husband knowing everybody, but I just found it funny that I was getting turned away in light of all of the mess that was going on inside that place. Probably would have been for the best, cuz that wack club was not for me.

Whatever Happened To...

2009-12-29T11:00:00.000-05:00

This post is what happens when I can't sleep, and my mind starts to drift. Some of these "Whatver happeneds" are things that only I would think of. I made a conscious effort not to sound like an old curmudgeon, so you'll notice no "whatever happened to good music like we had back in my day" ones. Feel free to add your own in the comments.

Whatever happened to Claudette Ortiz?. You remember the singer from City High. They had that song "What Would You Do?" She was supposed to be the next hot "singer" but I ain't seen or heard from her in years.

Whatever happened to virtual reality? That was supposed to be the big thing. You put on the headset and be transported to a digital world where anything could happen. But I ain't heard nothing about that recently.

Whatever happened to D'Angelo. Is it really possible that this dude that makes such good music only has two studio albums in 15 years. Every now and then you hear about how he's in the studio, or on coke or something, but where is the music?

Whatever happened to John Singleton. His last movie was Four Brothers in 2005. He used to make some good movies (and yes, Jameil I am including "Baby Boy." That joint was dope.) For that matter, whatever happened to Spike Lee's fiction movies. I know he makes docs now, but he hasn't made a real good fiction movie in awhile (with the exception of Inside Man.)

Whatever happened to Elian Gonzalez? I know they sent him back to Cuba, but is he back now? Did he come over on a raft and start pitching for the Yankees? That was a ridiculously big story back in the day.

Whatever happened to TV theme songs? They used to be 30 seconds to a minute, now its like 8 seconds and then the show starts. And its not like the shows are getting longer so they needed to cut out theme music.

Whatever happened to SARS? We don't worry about that no mo'? It's all H1N1 and the rest of the pandemics can go to hell? That ain't killing anymore?

Whatever happened to acid rain? When I was a kid, that's all you ever heard about. Acid rain was going to kill us all or mess up our cars or something. I don't exactly remember. I was a kid. Give me a break. I ain't heard nothing about that in forever. I guess that's been replaced by global warming. Speaking of global warming, whatever happened to El Nino. They used to talk about that all the time too.

Whatever happened to the WNBA? Do they still play? I know they do, because they were constantly giving away tickets to the Atlanta Dream games last year. But does anybody watch anymore? Did anybody ever watch?

Whatever happened to Dominique Dawes? She was hot. And speaking of younger days crushes, whatever happened to Lark Voorhies? You know Lisa from Saved By The Bell? Where she at?

Whatever happened to Black Enterprise magazine? Do they still publish that?

Whatever happened to Black Rob, G-Dep, Loon, Faith, Craig Mack, 112, Shyne and all the other artists on Bad Boy not named Biggie or Diddy? I blame Puffy.

Whatever happened to R&B singers that didn't want to act like rappers. Ever since Jodeci came out with their hip hop style, R&B just stopped dressing alike and dancing around and stuff. I blame Puffy.

Whatever happened to Dylan, Ness, Babs and the rest of the Making The Band cats. Walking to Harlem for some cheesecake didn't make them no hits. I blame Puffy.

Whatever happened to my 40 acres and a mule? Can I get a conference with Barack to see if we can get that back on track. I'm just saying. ~~I blame Puffy.~~ LOL

What Would You Do?

2009-12-28T19:36:00.001-05:00

Say there was a woman that you worked for a couple years. One that you didn’t particularly care for because of her overbearing, suck up attitude, yet at the same time, really really dumb demeanor. Then say that she used to flirt a lot with a dude you knew at the job, like touching and skulking in corners during lunch. Then next thing you know, he gets fired and the word on the street is that said woman filed a case against said dude when their quasi relationship (read: hit and run) went south. Then about a year later, she starts dating this other dude at the office and then when things went south with them, she allegedly was spreading rumors about his… Then fast forward to this week. She is flirting with another dude that you kinda know, but don’t really care about one way or the other. You know him enough to speak when you pass in the hallway, but not enough to have a conversation with. Would you tell him of the impending danger or would you just let him find out himself? In fact, you don’t know if it is anything other than flirting, so your warning may not be necessary. But just in case, do you think you should say something? What would you do?

BTW – This is not my dilemma. I don’t get involved in other people’s mess, I just blog about it. Somebody at the job asked me for my sage advice, to which I told her to mind her business and stay out of it.

New Year's Meme

2009-12-27T12:00:00.002-05:00

1. Was 2009 a good year for you? It was up and down, but for the most part it was good.

2. What was your favorite moment of the year? Thanksgiving was cool.

3. What was your least favorite moment of the year? Getting robbed at gunpoint kinda sucked.

4. Where were you when 2009 began? At a club called Artistry with Jameil and Stace. Watching girls fight and listening to "Shoulder Lean" umpteen times.

5. Who were you with? Oops, I already answered.. Jameil and Adei Von K

6. Where will you be when 2009 ends? Not sure yet. I don't get off work til 10, so I have no idea where I'm gonna be.

7. Who will you be with when 2009 ends? Jameil, of course.

8. Did you keep your New Year's Resolutions of 2009? I didn't make one

9. Do you have (a) New Year's Resolution(s) for 2010? Yep, but i'll keep it to myself in case I screw it up.

10. Did you fall in love in 2009? No.I already was in love.

11. If yes, with who? Jameil

12. If yes, do they know? Sure she does

13. Are you still in love with them? Of course. This line of questioning is getting annoying

14. You regret it? Not at all, still annoying with the questions

15. Did you break up with anyone in 2009? No, we are still going strong.

16. Did you make any new friends in 2009? Nope, I went 2009 totally friendless, and I'm quite all right with that

17. Who are your favorite new friends? Did you just see that I don't have any?

18. What was your favorite month of 2009? November is the best month. I also liked July when I was with Jameil for long periods of time

19. Did you travel outside of your country of residence in 2009? Nope, need to fix that

20. How many different states / provinces did you travel to in 2009? Georgia, Florida, North Carolina. I guess I drove through South Carolina if that counts.

21. Did you lose anybody close to you in 2009? No, I wasn't close with my mom's husband, but I was sad that he died.

22. Did you miss anybody in the past year? Yes,

23. What was your favorite movie that you saw in 2009? I can't call it. I've seen a ton of movies on DVD and Netflix this year. I guess "The Hangover" was the best I saw in the theater.

24. What was your favorite song from 2009? Impossible to say. I think the one that is stuck in my head right now is "Do Over" by Ghostface and Raheem DeVaughan, but I wouldn't say its my favorite of the year. .

25. What was your favorite record from 2009? It's a toss up between Raekwon's Only Built For Cuban Linx II and Masta Ace and Edo G's "Arts and Entertainment."

26. How many concerts did you see in 2009? Is it possible I haven't seen 1?

27. Did you have a favorite concert in 2009?see 26

28. Did you drink a lot of alcohol in 2009? Yeah, I did. More the first 7 months, but not as much after

29. Did you do a lot of drugs in 2009?Nope, just sleeping pills. Nothing illegal.

30. How many people did you sleep with in 2009? WTF? Do people actually answer that?

31. Did you do anything you are ashamed of this year? Sure, but I'm too ashamed to tell you. (the real answer is no)

32. Why are these quizzes always missing a number?? I made that question up since it was missing.

33. What was the worst lie someone told you in 2009? "Your performance goals will not change in 2009. We are committed to associate satisfaction."

34. Did you treat somebody badly in 2009? I probably hurt people's feelings, but I wouldn't say I treated them badly.

35. Did somebody treat you badly in 2009? Nah, part of not dealing with people is that they can't treat you badly..

36. How much money did you spend in 2009? More than I wanted to, but less than I made.

37. What was your proudest moment of 2009? I'm just proud that I'm happy, healthy, and able to keep my sense of humor when bad stuff happens around me. I know it's not a moment, but I'm still proud.

38. What was your most embarrassing moment of 2009? I don't really get embarrassed easily. They would all be minor embarrassing moments that I would then come home and blog about.

39. If you could go back in time to any moment of 2009 and change something, what would it be? Stop my mom's husband from dying.

40. What are your plans for 2010? I'll tell you this one in a few weeks.

Kwanzaa

2009-12-26T12:00:00.001-05:00

You may want to take away my black card for this one. Here goes: I don’t really care about Kwanzaa. There, I said it. Go ahead and jeer me and call me a sellout. Now, let me explain why. I used to participate peripherally, but haven’t for some time. Here’s my problem with it. It’s not a religious holiday. I can’t put it in the same category as Christmas or Hannukah because it’s not based on a faith. While I know, the practices surrounding the more traditional religions are not necessarily religious, the holiday itself is. Say what you will about Santa usurping Jesus, but there would be no Christmas without him. From what I can tell, Kwanzaa was created in 1966. I don’t know the details, and perhaps I should study them, but I can’t revere it as a holiday. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a wonderful concept, but I’m not completely sold.

That being said, if you want to get your Umoja, kujichagulia, ujima, ujamaa, nia, kuumba, and imani on, more power to you. I just can’t bring myself to be fully invested.

Merry Christmas

2009-12-25T14:49:00.000-05:00

By the time you read this, I should be in Charlotte with Jameil and her family. I’ll be meeting her sister for the first time and apparently hundreds of cousins too. I hope everyone is having a wonderful day with their families and that you got everything you wanted. If not, then get it yourself, you cheap freeloaders. LOL I’m kidding. Again, Merry Christmas.

I Changed My Mind

2009-12-24T14:49:00.002-05:00

I changed my mind… I want to go home. I had the opportunity to go home early without pay, and I turned it down. I thought I would rather have the money. Besides its Christmas Eve and there’ll be nothing to do. I can just sit here and surf the web all night. And it’ll be quiet. Everybody else is either working early, or leaving early. I’ll have the place to myself. No conversations, no singing, no playing bad music. I can sit here and do nothing. It’s not like I got plans tonight anyway….

Then I got here. And I want to leave. I can’t take 10 hours of sitting around with no facebook, nobody writing on their blogs today, and no work. I can only read about sports for so long before I get bored with that. Please somebody let me go home early. I know I’m about a week late, but I still want to go. Help a brother out!

Where Electronics Come To Die

2009-12-23T21:14:00.000-05:00

My crib is like a hospice for electronics. I have all kinds of electronic devices that either work, but I don't use, barely work, or altogether have breathed their last breath. I have a 27 inch tv that broke about 2 years ago, that I've been too lazy to bring down to the dumpster. I have the world's oldest DVD/VCR combo in my bedroom, two or three old broken cell phones, a few old cable boxes and remotes, not to mention tons of cable wires, surge protectors and AC adapters that I have no idea what they go to on my screened porch. I have 3 working TVs right now, but I'm only using 2. The third one, I got from my mom after she upgraded. This was back in October.

Today, I plugged it in for the first time. It worked, but I couldn't find the remote for a couple of hours. I decided to nigga rig it with my universal cable box remote, but I couldn't turn on the closed captioning. That to me is necessary. I can't watch TV without it, so what ensued next was a manic retracing of my steps two and a half months ago. Did I leave it in my car? Nope, not there. Maybe I left it in the dining room with the rest of my junk that i don't use. Tore that room apart, and it wasn't there. Okay, now I remember. I came home that day and changed my clothes right away. Perhaps it's in my bedroom. Not there either. Where could it be? On a whim, I decided to look on the love seat that nobody sits on unless I have more than 5 people in my crib, which never happens. There it was stuffed in the cushions. I was able to set up my closed caption, get that annoying green 3 that was stuck at the top of the screen and I'm back in business.

Now to set up the Wii. I already told you that Moms gave me the Wii with no controller, so I haven't really been in a rush to set it up. Well, thanks to Jameil I have one now. Just have to get a game now and I'm in business. And I should probably throw away that old TV that's taking up space. Nah, that's doing too much for one night. But one day, I should probably spring clean all of these dead and dying electronics. Feel free to make fun of me in the comments. I'm fully aware that I just made my crib sound like Fred and Lamont Sanford live here.

Ten Thoughts For Tuesday

2009-12-22T16:07:00.000-05:00

I’m old school like Prince Da’jour – when he was hosting rap city with finger waves on…. (Little Brother “Nighttime Maneuvers” 2003) However, even I don’t want to hear “Rock The Bells” everyday…at work!! Can you switch it up a little bit? Do you only have one CD? Have you heard of Pandora? Every other manager at the job uses it…
It always trips me out when grown people can’t read. It’s one thing to be a little nervous or stumble over words, but to totally skip over words is strange. I was in a training where they made us read aloud, and this one guy skipped at least a word a minute. And not words like “and” or “the”, he skipped the words that gave the sentence its meaning. Crazy to me. And this one girl was trying to read the word “initiative” and stopped and said. “What is that word? What does that mean?”

Wedding shows get on my nerves as I stated previously. Here’s why. The same stories get told all the time. Either there is an out of control bride, or a self conscious bride that can’t find a dress, or an overbearing family. Enough already. I get it. Weddings are stressful, but most people in the world have one, so I need you to have a more compelling reason for me to watch. Everybody cooks, but they don’t have shows about regular people cooking. They have people that can actually do it well. So, if you are just having a regular wedding, with regular old stressors, why would I want to see that?

Some people are just not cut out to work with the public. Sure, I get annoyed with people. But it kind of defeats the purpose if they know it. And then they have the nerve to wonder why clients are arguing with them. Maybe it’s because you constantly interrupt, and talk to them like you are on a street corner. I’m just saying, you might want to check yourself before you try to check other people.

Pet Peeve: People who ask “How you doing?” and then keep talking. Why even bother to ask if you don’t wait for me to respond. I promise I’m not going to say anything that would be considered TMI. Like I’m not going to tell you how my kidneys are shot or my dog got Mike Vick’d. I’ll just say I’m doing fine, then ask you how you are. It’s just the rules of conversation.
I need some Debarge on my iPod. I was watching “Unsung” on TV One the other day, and realized that they got hits I forgot about. It was also hilarious how them dudes used to be considered secks symbols. They look ultra feminine with their feathered hair and gold flair outfits. Jameil said, “oh they had women in the group?” I said “One, Bunny DeBarge.” She said she couldn’t tell about some of them dudes. LOL

Does anybody else remember a Jermaine Jackson song called “Escape From The Planet of the Ant Men?” I remember trying to find it on youtube a couple of years ago and being unsuccessful. I know it exists, I couldn’t have made that up. I had the vinyl when I was a kid. Speaking of Jermaine, he made some good music back in the day too. Too bad he’s only known for his crazy hair and crazy kid’s names now.

Do you think it would be frowned upon if I went to WalMart, opened up one of their scales and weighed myself? I’ve been doing some working out and I feel lighter, but I’m never going to buy a scale. Speaking of working out, talking about it makes me feel self conscious. I don’t know why. I just don’t like to discuss it with other people, including Jameil. She tries to give me advice and I just immediately want to run out of the room. She doesn’t understand, and neither do I. One of those “it is what it is” things. I think I’m allowed one or two quirks.

What I want for Christmas from you bloggers (Adei, Dani, and others) is to enable your blogger profile. If I click on your name and I get that message stating profile not available, it makes me forget to comment on your blog til I get home, and then sometimes I still forget. Or I have to find you through other people’s blog rolls, and that’s too much work. So, unless you just don’t want people reading your blog, can you do me that favor?

I’m hungry. I hope they have something good in the café today. One thing I refuse to do is eat from the bar. They have a meal of the day, (Mexican, Soul Food, Chinese) and it costs .41 an ounce. I’ve seen people get up to the register and have $15 bill for a little bit of food. You must be crazy. You can’t charge me for bone. That weighs too much, and is inedible. I’ll probably grab some fries and call it a day.

I Don't Wanna Share!!!

2009-12-21T20:49:00.000-05:00

“What’s that?”
“Raisin Bran”
“Give me some…”

“What’s that?”
“Tea.”
“Hot tea?”
“Yeah…”
Hand extends….

“Let me taste that milkshake…”
Reluctant look on my face as I hand it over.
This is NOT a complaint. Let’s just get that out of the way now, before you all tell me how sharing is part of a relationship. I know this, man! I just found it funny. I can’t have nothing around Jameil without sharing. That’s a bit of a culture shock to someone that has lived alone for the better part of the last decade. I don’t know why I don’t just automatically just get 2 of everything. I mean, I have a man sized appetite, ummm errr greediness, so sharing just makes things unfulfilling. Who wants half a glass of orange juice? Sometimes I don’t to give her the cupcake and be left with all the frosting. Maybe I want to drink the entire bottle of wine. LOL That’s an exaggeration, but you get the point. Sharing is caring, so I always do. But I don’t have to like it!!

Man Vs. Food

2009-12-20T23:20:00.000-05:00

Jameil and I just got back from The Vortex, our go-to burger restaurant in Little 5 Points. Between the two of us, we've had just about every burger on the menu. One notable exception is the Elvis burger which, features peanut butter, bacon and fried bananas... Nope think I'm gonna pass on that. Anyway, today's burger was called "Hell Burger"

Sounds hot, right? It had habanero relish, pepper jack cheese and was topped with a roasted jalapeno pepper. Delicious, if you ask me. I like it hot. I'm the type that'll try any hot sauce on the table, or the type that adds red pepper to just about everything I cook.Or the type that will eat pour jalapeno juice into my ground turkey when I'm making salsa burgers. Yep, I don't mind a little heat, in fact the more the merrier. I've had a burger called "El Diablo" that also claimed to be really hot, but it was nothing. I haven't really found much food that's too hot for me.

Except for tonight. I took a bite out my hell burger and felt the heat. But it was a good heat. The jack cheese and the habanero relish were delicious and spicy. Nothing too bad yet. I ate some fries and took a sip of my beer, then I went for another bite. This time, I got some of the jalapeno. Nothing... no heat. It was just a regular old delicious bite.Tried some more fries, then went to take another bite. Before I could get it my my mouth, I started to feel strange. My mouth was burning like crazy, my throat was burning, my eyes were watering. Okay, this thing might be a little hot. So I backed off for a minute. Drinking water didn't help, eating fries made it worse, beer was not a good idea. I actually got defeated by a spicy burger.

I had to bring the rest of the burger home, but without the roasted jalapeno. Although it pained me to admit it, that joint was too hot for me. Man vs. Food? Food has won this round. But I'll be back!!!

I Can't Think Right Now

2009-12-19T22:12:00.000-05:00

I can't think of anything to write about right now, but I still need to post since I committed to do so until 12/31. When I did that, it wasn't supposed to be a competition, just me pushing myself to do it. Well, my ultra competitive girlfriend, has made it into a contest, so I can't stop. Even though I can't focus right now, mainly because of the pitcher of margaritas we just drank, I'm still posting anyway. And if last week is any indication, no one will be reading anyway, except for Jameil. So, this could be considered a bs post, but I don't really care. No one said they all had to be winners.

Oh, I do have something to talk about. Wedding shows. They get on my nerves. Okay that's it. I'll have something better to write about tomorrow hopefully.

Dear Creepy Security Guard

2009-12-18T21:59:00.000-05:00

Dear Creepy Security Guard,

I just want you to know that this conversation is creeping me out. I don’t really want to discuss the ladies with you. Especially not the ladies of color. You see, you remind me right now of an overseer, leering after the workers on the plantation. That look on your face right now is making me want to slap you out of your black girl fantasy. I’m just saying, what makes you think that it’s okay to come up to a complete stranger and talk about women’s anatomy. Especially when you are a good 20 years older than me and you have a Dale Earnhardt (SR, not JR.) mustache. I don’t know for a fact, but you look like you use Skoal, and have a rebel flag on the back of your Ford F 250. And a gun rack. Yeah, you look like you got rifles. They say don’t judge a book by its cover, but how else am I gonna know what the book is about? I can only go by that accent, which gave me creepy flashbacks of my high school football coach. Your southern drawl and talking about that “gal” really is not cool to me. Maybe I’m overreacting, and I should listen while you talk about how you like “big ole butts.” But every fiber of my being wants to run away from this conversation. I mean, it’s not like I actually was engaged in the conversation. I just wanted to sit in the café and watch a little CNN, while listening to my iPod. Why did you choose me to talk to? I can assure that I wasn’t lonely, and wasn’t looking for a conversation, especially one about my co worker’s booty. That’s just wrong, Mr. Security Guard.

I wonder if you abuse your position. Like do you offer rides to the garage in your golf cart to the big butt black girls? Or do you move the surveillance cameras to capture maximum black gal coverage? Or when you’re doing the fingerprints (we’re bonded, so we have to get printed), do you hold on to their hands just a tad too long, so they feel uncomfortable, but not uncomfortable enough that they know you are doing it on purpose? I don’t know about you. This conversation makes me think you just might have a problem. How bout this? Let’s just never talk again, and I’ll try to forget about that lecherous look and inappropriate comments you were making.

Sincerely,

Rashan Jamal

I Am Sam

2009-12-17T20:10:00.001-05:00

You ever see that movie with Sean Penn playing a mentally handicapped person? I haven’t because I don’t like tearjerkers, or movies that are supposed to be inspirational. Therefore, all I know about that movie is that Sam is slow, or that word that means slow that I’m not supposed to use. Yesterday, I felt like Sam.

You see, I went Christmas shopping yesterday and when I got home I tried to wrap Jameil’s Christmas presents before she got there. Yeah, let’s just say it was not a good look. Scratch that, lets not just leave it there, because you need to know that I have absolutely no aptitude for wrapping presents. The first one came out okay. It wasn’t anything that you would write home about it, but it was presentable. The next 3 however, looks like Sam decided to take up gift wrapping. I mean, I was all thumbs. First the paper is baggy on the boxes. Don’t ask me how I managed that, especially since I watched a youtube video that gave me instructions on how to wrap gifts. I also got paper bunched up on the sides. I ripped a piece and had to start over, but the same thing happened again. So, I just put an extra piece of wrapping paper on top of it. On one gift the bottom looked okay, but the top was jacked up. So what did I do? I just flipped it over and made the top the bottom and the bottom the top. It was really messed up. I should take a picture so you can see. I told Jameil when she sees the wrapping she’s gonna want to pat me on the head and say “Bless his heart.” It’s that bad. Hopefully, she’ll like her presents enough that the wrapping won’t be a factor.

When it comes to wrapping gifts… I am Sam

Crazy Ray & Ray J

2009-12-16T21:03:00.000-05:00

I went to the barbershop this afternoon, and as always there was something crazy happening. It made my haircut take way too long. It was dead when I went in, the barbers and the beauticians were all sitting around watching a bootleg. More on that later... So, I'm sitting in the chair, getting my cut, when I hear yelling. I don't have my glasses on, so I don't know exactly what's happening. But I hear...

"Don't drop any more food in front of our shop!!!"

She said it like you would say it to a kid. I hear some indistinct muttering, then I hear a thud. Then all the barbers stop cutting hair, and run to the door. I put on my glasses and see a splattering of ketchup on the window. The dude that was muttering indistinctly, apparently had thrown some french fries at the window. I start looking around to find my hiding place just in case this thing escalates into gunfire. Paranoid? Yep, but when you've had as many gun experiences as I have, you learn that paranoia is not such a bad thing. My barber comes back and he's all calm, so I think its over and relax a little bit.

"That was just Crazy Ray."

I didn't know his name, but I've seen him around. I think he's homeless, but he always has a take out plate from the restaurants in the area. He does odd jobs at the gas station right down the street. At first I thought he was a crackhead, but after seeing him around, I just think he is nuts. He's known for talking to himself, wandering down the streets, and pointing at traffic. Not in a menacing way, but just pointing at the cars as they drive by. He's harmless. I do wonder where he sleeps. There's no homeless shelter around, and I sometimes see him when I'm out late. I wonder if he sleeps behind the gas station.

Anyway, back to the movie. I think it was called "Envy" and it starred Ray J as a drug dealer. Yeah, I'll say that again. Ray J as a murderous drug dealer. I couldn't see the movie, but I heard it. It was pretty, pretty horrible. What is Ray? The gangsta of love? What he gonna croon a nigga to death? Plus, he sounded like he was reading his lines from a teleprompter. It was a typical bad rapper movie, complete with the strip club scene, the big time drug dealer wanting to get out of the game, the over-exaggerated use of the eff word, even when it doesn't sound natural. And to top it off, there was a scene of Ray J in bed with two chicks. That was the favorite of the barbers and beauticians. They ran it back 3 times. I was like, can you please watch your masturbatory materials after my hair cut is finished?

So, I'd like to thank Crazy Ray and Ray J for making my haircut take way longer than it should have. I appreciate that. I enjoying sitting in the chair covered in hair while they attend to you two.

I Shall Call Her..Mini Me

2009-12-15T23:19:00.000-05:00

At work, my co-workers constantly ask me questions. I’m the go to guy for information. It doesn’t matter if the President and CEO were around, they would defer to my knowledge. As much as I’d like to take credit for it, it’s a simple matter of reading and comprehension. All the tools are at our fingertips, and what can I say? I ‘m literate. That’s not to say that they aren’t, but I have an ability to understand what I read and remember it. I usually have the answer before they finish their long winded questions, and if I don’t know the answer, I say I don’t know, unlike some people who try to talk in circles or make up some stuff. It works out well for all involved. I like being right, they like getting the right answer, and the manager likes not being bothered with things that I have more knowledge of. In fact, even he hits me up from time to time when he’s trying to figure something out.

It was brought to my attention that one of my co-workers is trying to take my place as the Answer Man. I don’t mind, it would be okay with me if they hit someone else up every now and again. But there is just one problem… SHE DON'T KNOW NOTHING!!! I never really noticed it until today. Someone will address me by name and ask me a question. Before I can even fix my mouth to answer it, here she comes loud and wrong. I shall call her... Mini-Me! I’ll give you a made up example.

Co-Worker: What color do yellow and blue make?
Rashan: Gre
Mini-Me: Magenta!
Rashan: WRONG!!! (said like Charlie Murphy in the Rick James skit)

Obviously, I can’t give real examples of what they ask me, but its stuff that anybody who has been doing this job for more than 2 months should be able to answer. It’s bad enough that they ask about it, but for the Mini Me to be wrong so much is even worse. Don’t try to help me. I know what I’m talking about. I don’t ever get the scrunched up nose and the slightly tilted head indicating that they aren’t sure about what I just told them. It’s funny. At least 4 times since 4PM when it was brought to my attention, Mini Me tried to interject while I was answering a question. Go sit down somewhere, Mini-Me!